I have not been myself for years and its due to changes in my life around me. As a teenager I saw a psychiatrist and was given Aderol and anti-depressents to get me through school. I had trouble comprehending what we were learning and completely distracted by everything around me. After High School I learned my dad had Bipolar Disorder and that he had similar problem as me, but I didn't believe I had Bipolar Disorder.
I continued to see different doctors to get help because I always felt there was more to "it," my problem, than what all these doctors were finding. I was always told I was either depressed or had anxiety because I got serious chest pains for no reason. I agree that I do have anxiety. My chest pains have no noticeable trigger.
I have taken so many medications that I lost count. As of the past 3 years I have just become completely broken. In 2009 my mom was diagnosed with stage 3 ovarian cancer, had multiple surgeries and rounds of chemotherapy. Then, in 2010, my dad was diagnosed with stage 3 pancreatic cancer. He passed away in Oct. of 2011. His battle with cancer was horrific and painful.
My moms cancer is genetic and I have a 50% chance of having it. If you add my dads cancer from his side of the family, I feel very scared.
I have no interest in anything in life whatsoever anymore. I have a husband and 2 children who I take care of to the best of my ability. My life is consumed by cleaning. It's the only thing I can do to get my mind off of all the negatives in the world around me. I do not socialize, I do not make friends. I am uncomfortable around people. I attend college but it is now a chore to me. I only enjoy going to school as a way to keep my mind busy.
I feel like I live in my head all day and night and am consumed with thoughts of pain, heartache and confusion. I cant get out of there. My friends and family tell me I am different and they want me to get better. But I don't know what better is? Please help me.
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