I am a 31 year old man with feelings of helpless rage that constantly infect and destroy most things such as friendships and relationships I come into contact with. I have a few friends who know I do not like being this way and, over time, I have come to trust them more than they will ever know.
My self-esteem does not exist. I have no feelings of self-worth. Hate and anger are a frequent entities in my mind. I have used recreational drugs to subdue this emptiness I suffer. Now, I no longer use and am forced to be face to face with myself. My dreams are corrupted by scenes of failure and desertion of the people whom I really do love.
What am I supposed to do to control this as it has haunted me all my life. I had breakdowns and a suicide attempt. I hate the image of myself in the mirror. I have 3 kids so suicide is not an option anymore. Where do I go? What do I do? I am really losing my soul. I have manipulated situations using malice and tooth gritting anger to the point where people are afraid of my reactions. My now ex-wife has developed a social axiety because of me. This is adding to my feelings of self-hatred and self-loathing.
THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION WILL NOT BE DISPLAYED UNTIL YOU HAVE INDICATED YOUR AGREEMENT WITH THE DISCLAIMER PRINTED JUST BELOW. CLICK THE 'I AGREE' BUTTON TO AGREE TO THESE TERMS AND SEE THE RESPONSE.