I'm seventeen and have shown signs of Bipolar Disorder for the past five years or so. My family is not exactly well-off, so getting a therapist and an official diagnosis will have to wait. The thing is, whether I'm up or down, I get insanely violent intrusive thoughts. Some are directed towards myself--without any suicidal feelings. I get sudden daydreams of hacking myself to bits, jumping in front of trucks, hanging myself, etc. More often, though, it's directed at other people. In the hallway at school, I get sudden mental images of slamming a hatchet into a student's neck. At work, it's beating people's heads into the till. There's drownings, hit-and-runs, shootings, stabbings, arson... I feel like a monster. What can I do?
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