All of my life I've been "different." I seem able to work my best when I'm swamped with several things but unable to concentrate or focus when there is only one thing to do. I become anxious and just generally nervous. I often think I am the only one not included in group activities at work. Then, for a while, I'll know that's just not true and I feel fine.
I can't seem to get organized either at work or at home and this is and has always been a huge issue both personally & professionally. I have had thoughts of suicide but not all the time or not as a problem I dwell on. When I have the thoughts it comes quickly and does obviously pass.
I'm not in a constant state of depression although I often have weeks at a time where I seem unable to do anything but lie around and think very negative thoughts, but then I also have weeks at a time where I get just 2 or 3 hours of sleep and get up wide awake feeling like I must indulge in something physical like building doll furniture in my kitchen.
At 1:00 AM as it's too early to go start up my saw on the back porch. While promiscuous in my younger years now my problem is with impulse spending even when I know I don't have the funds in the bank. Then I go through a guilt period. I'm always exhausted.
Am I just crazy or is there something manageable wrong with me?
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