I was adopted back in the late 60's and so never had any contact with my birth mother. I was in the hospital nursery 14 days before going home. By 9 months of age I had a life-threatening illness and to save my life was left completely unclothed and was touched only for surgeries and medical procedures until I finally screamed myself into an ulcer. Finally, at 2, my parents went to work in a third-world country for 10 weeks and I was left behind. As an adult, I found my birth mother but she refused contact with me. According to my therapist, the result is abandonment issues resulting in me desperately wanting my birth-mother and throughout my life looking for my "lost" mother in older women I come in contact with. The thing is that my adoptive mom is a wonderful person who, although she has her faults like everyone else, has always been a great mom to me. Why is it never enough? I feel terribly guilty all of the time that I can't just accept her as "mom" and have this need to keep looking elsewhere - usually unconsciously - and then when those relationships fall apart because I want too much from those people, I turn back to her as if she's the "booby prize". After she comforts me and assures me that she's there for me, I go off and look for my "mother" again even though technically I already found her and know she doesn't want me around. What is wrong with me?
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