I have been treated for major depressive disorder for over a year now. Currently I am taking 300mg daily of Effexor XR along with Ritalin to counteract the excessive sleepiness I've been getting with the antidepressant. I know that Effexor is considered the drug of last resort for most depressions, and now I am worried because I feel like I have lapsed into a depressive cycle--thoughts of suicide, uncontrollable crying, which led to me getting fired from my job because I wasn't being productive, my phone and electricity being turned off in my apartment, no money to wash clothes, not caring what or when I eat, and just laying in the dark at home crying because I don't see any signs of improvement. I can't afford my psychiatrist anymore, and I was denied free medicine 3 months ago because I earned $125 too much in a year .. although now things have changed (but the drug company refuses to revisit the application until 3 more months have passed). I am past the end of the rope. I feel like the rope has been jerked out of my hands and I have the choice to try to grab it while everyone else looks on and laughs or just resign myself to ending my life and being a burden on myself and others. Is it better for me to end my life with some shred of dignity or continue this downward spiral until something else kills me instead?
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