Hi, my perfect relationship just got shattered and I'm trying to figure out if it's worth even trying to save. My husband sometimes undergoes a significant personality change under the influence of alcohol. Normally he is an awesome person - loving, considerate, compassionate, and treats me like royalty which is something I've never had before. When drunk, he becomes verbally abusive and violent, although to date he only hits doors, etc. and has never hit me (and claims that he never will, no matter how drunk he gets, although I know that's practically a cliché). After this last round even he admits he has a problem and claims he will never drink again because he doesn't want to lose me (another cliché). I would be willing to give him a chance if he seeks outside help, like AA, but the problem gets worse. I looked at his email to see if anything\s going on that I don't know about and found that, while drunk, he created a profile on "onlinebootycall" and indicated he's looking for gay hookups. When I confronted him about it, he said that's he's ABSOLUTELY NOT gay and doesn't know why he signed up because he would never ever cheat on me, that it was just the alcohol, which of course he's ostensibly never going to touch again. I know that alcohol releases inhibitions and my gut feeling is that he probably has some gay feelings that he won't admit to, so, even if he stops drinking there will eventually be a different problem, like depression or anti-social behavior. If I shouldn't take to heart the things he says when he's drunk, should I do the same over the things he does? I would so much appreciate any guidance you can provide.
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