Dr Schwartz, I'm writing with this question to see if you can offer some guidance or awareness for me. I was in a relationship with this guy, who eventually chose a long term partner (who lived in a different country) over me. His long term partner moved to the UK to live & study and 6 months on from his decision, he has confided in me that he has made the wrong choice. However, he feels that he cannot leave his long term partner, who moved to the UK, studied, now does not have a job, that he cannot abandon her. He claims he is in love with me, but his protective feelings for his partner means he suppresses his own desires. He has been with his partner for 10 years. However, 5 of those years they have been separated when he's lived in a different country. He now is drinking and having depressive thoughts, as he feels he cannot escape the situation and turmoil he is in. He has slowly been isolating himself socially and is desperate for us not to stop email contact. This is even though he has promised his partner that he has stopped contact with me. He hints that he feels he could becoming schizophrenic. The loss of his father, when he was 11yrs old, still seems to haunt him. However, he will not be drawn on the subject and hints he would only talk to a psychologist. I suppose my question is a selfish one. This is one of the things he keeps saying, "that however long it takes, he'll try & make it back to me to have a future together." Given the above, do you think he is living in a fantasy world, when he talks about us, or could it really be a reality and he genuinely is working towards this.
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