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Ask Anne: Relationship AdviceAsk Anne:
Relationship Questions

I had become a reality to him and he cannot deal with it.

I am 36 and have been chatting online with a guy (35)for 3 years. In those 3 years, there were 2 missed face to face meetings. Both my fault because I felt scared that I would end up just another online statistic. He never gave up though and throughout this past year we have gotten very close. About as intimate as two can be via the internet.

I've shared and showed so much with this guy. I trusted him with all of my heart.

We discussed meeting again and I conveyed my fear of him not wanting anything to do with me afterwards. I forgot to mention that he has a girlfriend whom he doesn't live with. He was always upfront with me about his feelings and he told me on several occasions that he didn't feel the same as i did... But he loved me as a friend. He promised me over and over that he would not ignore me once he returned home.

So....we met..Once we got to my place he couldn't keep his hands off me.. Not in a sexual way but just to hold me close to him. Every time I looked at him he was staring at me. He followed me from room to room and every time I turned around he wanted to hold me. It was heaven. I loved it. We didn't have intercourse but I did perform oral sex on him and he "touched" me.

When I took him back to the bus station he looked sad and told me he hated telling me goodbye..

But once he was back home he stopped PMing me. He always asked me to turn on my cam. Now,he's asked me once in a month.

When i confronted him with this he responded with his feelings of guilt and that I had become a reality to him and he cannot deal with it. It broke my heart.

He told me he still wants to be my friend and still has feelings for me, he just doesn't know what those feelings are. In the meantime, he is still avoiding me somewhat.

What do I do? Wait until he makes his mind up? Go on with my life and ignore him forever? I love him dearly. I don't know what to do.

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  • 'Anne' is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
  • 'Anne' bases her responses on her personal experiences and not on professional training or study. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only.
  • Anne intends her responses to provide general information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
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  • Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.

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