Iam a research Scholar from India doing phd in biological sciences. iam a male of age 30. i have a peculiar problem related to my mind. iam from a tamil hindu rural middle class family back ground. In my young age my parents (particulary my father) were very strict to me.I used to get beatings for not studying properly and also for not doing house hold work. I used to tremble with fear when ever i got my academic progress sheet or mark sheet or valued exam papers from my school teachers because i have to get sign in them from my father. i used to procrastinate the revealing of that to my father. only if the dead line is set by my teachers i used to show them to my father. I used to get a lot of beatings and abuses for that.
Apart from that, my family members (including my grand father and grand mother) used to fight among themselves by shouting. Sometimes my grandmother and grandfather used to be harsh and demanding to me. My mother also used to join with them occassionally.Shortly my very young age was a turbulent and mostly unhappy one.
Moreover i suffered from tonsilitis and asthma from my childhood onwards. I did my tonsilits operation only when i was doing my undergraduation. only after that i came to know that i was having asthma also. until then i was thinking that i was suffering only due to tonsilitis.I used to get cold, wheezing and fever often. The other thing is that i suffered a lot due to malnutrition from childhood- i,e eating asthma inducing foods and not taking food items full of nutrients like proteins etc
My adolescent age was also a turbulent one. I developed an inferiority complex because i was very thin and bony and also not much attractive.this is one reason. the other reason is that i was sexually tried by a man, which was unsuccessful.(thank god) I developed a general shyness and closed mindedness. I felt fearful to talk even to gents like me some times. But with family ladies and other ladies i mingled well. I started to have guilty feeling regarding that. After a certain stage i started to avoid ladies also due to that guiltiness. seldom i had friends.
Now i have an innate shyness and much anger with others though iam physically much improved and became somewhat attractive also. I contradict with people often and spend time lonely in work place and in my dwelling place too. iam unable to mix in a group.
i used to get panic and anxiety some times which paralyse me from having regular relaxed thinking. I used to think a single matter again again. Some times i used to write a word or picture and over write it on itself or draw it again again.
More over i used to have frequent nocturnal semen ejaculation during winter nights.(Winter temperature in south indian plain decreases only to 16 degree centegrade on an average)i used to feel like a crack during winter. i also used to doubt people often. My mind set becomes unbearable during winter. During some nights i used to get up and used to have a dejected feeling, anger and circasm or contempt.
iam unable to make friends. When ever i try one, it becomes quarrelsome soon. iam unable to see ladies face at all some times and others too. What is the solution for these. people adviced me to try meditation and yoga but became disinterested in them after some time. What is the solution for my problem. can you guide me.please reply. thank You.
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