| |
Basic InformationMore InformationLatest NewsQuestions and AnswersBlog EntriesMaking a Work Plan Work for YouHow to Stop Worrying3 Ways to Know If You’re Saying Yes Too Much3 Simple Shifts for a Stress-Free Holiday: A Busy Person's GuidePoetry as Pregnancy: When "The Shrink Rap™ on Mental Illness" Gives BirthWhy Are We So Busy?How to Get Out of a CrisisGive Yourself a Break!The Truth About StressLearn to Manage Your Stress ProactivelyThe Fastest Way to Boost Your MoodSlowing Your Life to Enjoy it More and Get More DoneThe Key to Overcoming ProcrastinationAntidote to Busy: 5 Simple Ways to Find Time for YouNatural SPEED: Stress Resiliency Shrink Rap™: Safe Stress Survival Strategies10 Things to Stop Caring About If You Want to Be HappierUsing Your "Free" Time to Enrich Your LifeIs Laughter Really the Best Medicine?Life is a Struggle - or Is It??The World of Work - Have We Got It All Wrong?Forms of EscapismRest in CenterBeware of Secondhand StressWhy Worry?Enjoy The Freedom Not ToSimple Tips for a Stress-Free HolidayHoliday Coping with ADHD Children Accept DifficultyThe Beauty of Saying "No"Maybe It's Time to Come Out of the ClosetLate Sociologist Warned About Multitasking's Effect on WellnessMeditation and AnxietyTypes of Stress and Their SymptomsWhy Do We Dread Sunday: The Power of Anticipation?The Six "R" Road to Burnout Recovery - Part V: The Final "R"s - Relating and Risk-TakingA Generational-Digital Diatribe: Still, Don’t Be Afraid to Pet the Dinosaur (aka “Dinos & Digits”)Feel The SupportThe Six "R" Road to Burnout Recovery - Part IV: The Next Two "R"s - Retreating & WritingStress and Anxiety: The Impact the Government Shutdown and The Fiscal Cliff Had on PeopleThe Missing Parent Syndrome (MPS): How Psychosocial Loss Impacts Adult Children & Strategies for Building Bridges and Reworking the Grief - Pt ISports, Fans and StressFive Ways to See a Problem in a New LightThe Six “R” Road to Burnout Recovery – Part III: The First Two Strategic “R”s – Running and ReadingStress, Anxiety and Mindfulness MeditationThe Six "R" Road to Burnout Recovery - Part II: The Stress Doc's Strategic Brain-Body Map Can Stress Diminish the Effects of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?Be the Boss of Your Smartphone Personal Discovery as Burnout Recovery: An Intimate Story of Hell to Glory - Part IWork, Stress and HealthAre You Self-Blaming and Self-Critical?Defining and Defeating ProcrastinationThe Four Stages of Burnout: The Erosive Spiral - Shrink Rap™ VersionTo Escape the Box, Embrace ParadoxBuilding Stress Resilience and Organizational Hardiness Despite Doing "More with Less"A Cool Shower for Icing a Blame-ThrowerRelax, You're Going to be CriticizedOf Self-Hatred and Self-CompassionIs the Stress Carrier a Modern Day Vampire? - Part II Safe Stress Tools for Survivin TNT Heaven - Part IWhat You Should Know About How Stress Shapes the BrainDrop the LoadSleeping, Eating & Gaming, Oh My: The Blood Sugar-Blood Pressure-Out for Blood TriangleOne Strategy to Put Your Technology on a LeashIt's Not Just Whether You're Stressed - It's Whether You Think You're Stressed3 Ways to Stop Worry24/7 SPEED/Resiliency Shrink Rap™:Safe Stress Survival StrategiesThe Impact of Small Stresses in Daily LifeJournaling and Mental Health Can Stress Make You Fat?Stressed at Work? You're Not AloneOf Anxiety and Stress Strengthening Stress Resiliency and Brain Agility with Humor and Natural SPEEDTake Back Your Time: How to Reduce Overwhelm in a Few Minutes a DayBooster Breaks at Work: Hit or Bust?Overcoming Stress by Volunteering With Your DogBoston: Compassion During a Terrorist AttackAnger and Stress, Letting It All OutYour Body Under Stress: DNA, Cells and AgingWhat is Radical Acceptance Anyway?New Research Shows Chronic Stress Accelerates Alzheimer's DiseaseThe Power of Mindfulness for TeensDepression and Learned HelplessnessTake a Dip in PleasureCome to CenterStress and Shingles, Mind and Body are OneYour 14:57 Minute RuleCan Understanding Neuroscience Free Us from Downward Spirals?Is It Possible? Stress and The Older AdultOnline Tools for Managing StressLoneliness, A Health HazardStress and Depression, Those Monday MorningsCan Mindfulness Make Us More Productive and Happier?Just Breathe: A Practice to Calm the Anxious MindStrategies to Keep Work Stress at BayThe Importance of ForgivenessRescuing and Rejuvenating a Manager at the Bureaucratic Burnout BattlefrontHoliday Stress QuizIt's the Holidays! Four Ways to Calm the Stressed MindNow and Then, Stress Is a Good ThingObesity, An Addiction?Cultivating Patience in Everyday LifeDo Stress Can Kill You Articles Cause You to Worry More? 6 Ways Mindfulness Can Improve Your Daily Life Are Self-Hate and Prejudice Against Others Different?How to be Wise About FearPractice a Self-Care Diet5 Signs of Emotional Exhaustion at Work The Brain in Your GutHow to Relax When Faced With School and Work StressWhat are the Real Roots of Workplace Stress?Some thoughts About Returning to School and LearningStrangers and The Need For Personal SpaceFind StillnessRecognize How Precious Your Life IsHuman Behavior, My Brain Made Me do It?Stress and the Dangers of AlcoholWhen Keeping Calm and Carrying On is Not EnoughHugging is Good MedicineBurnout and (Vicarious) Trauma-Inducing Work Environments: Part IIIProvocation, Anger and ReactionA Mindful Way Through ProcrastinationStress on the Rise? Two Simple Practices to Find ReliefThe Cascade Effect of Emotional StressOn Laughing and LaughterExercise: Building the "Can Do" MuscleWhy Are People in Such a Hurry?On Being OptimisticA 3 Day Plan to Break Free from IrritationDepressed, Forgetful? Take a Walk in the ParkFast Food, Health and DepressionHaving Trouble Exercising? Cultivate a Mindful HabitOlfactory Sensations (Smell) and Stress ReductionAvoid the RushThe Transitional Objects and Self ComfortChange Your Body, Change Your MindStress Reduction, Tropical Fish and AquariumsThe Erosive Grief-Ghost Spiral - Part III: Burnout Exposing the Burn-in...Burn-in Exploding the BurnoutSome Comments on Belief, Religion and Mutual RespectThe Impact of Stress and AngerA Fun and Mindful Way to Transform Your Child's StressBurn-in, Burnout, and Workplace Griefbusting: Part IA Classic Tip for Stress Reduction at Work Leave the Red ZoneHow to Use Mindfulness Meditation in your LifeThe Secret Ingredient to Making Change StickPut Yourself on Your Priority ListResentment vs.ForgivenessTwo Communicational Tools Providing Perspective, Patience and PresenceThe Pain of Breaking Up, Are You Self-Compassionate?Simple Life Wisdom from Comedian Louis C.K.It's the SAD SeasonBreaking Bad Habits in the New YearWant a Healthier Life? The Mindful DietPerception is Everything, Watch Out for Advertising TricksEconomic Difficulty? The Importance of Self-Compassion and Strategy for the HolidaysA Radical Way to Bring More Joy into Your LifeWhy Did this YouTube Video at 3 Million Hits? Step into the Clouds: Relieving StressStay in Shape in 5 Minutes a DayAngst in the Face of Economic Meltdown: Managing Your Anxiety When The Stress Won't Go Away! Part IIAngst in the Face of Economic Meltdown: Managing Your Anxiety When The Stress Won't Go Away! Part IThe Top Seven Sources of Stress and Their RemediesLower the PressureWanting Relief? Find Quiet a Few Minutes a DaySensory Overload, Tension and Stress New Video: Why Women Get StressedNational Debt, Stress and Perception, Is It Really That Bad?Got IBS? Study Says to Try a Little MindfulnessIs Mindfulness Uniquely Buddhist? Psychotherapy: Clarifying Some MisconceptionsThe Benefits of Owning a PetThe Frustration of Arguing About the TruthA Manifesto on Curbing the Technology TrapFeeling Overwhelmed? Take a BreakThe Cycle of Life: War, Peace, Happiness, and...On SuperstitionsThe Frustration of WaitingDrop this Thought in and See What Truth ArisesA Simple Yet Important Phrase to Bring into Your LifeHave You Tried the Freedom Practice? Parents and Coping and the Terrible TwosAnxiety, Worry, Stress: Living in the MomentStress, Emotions and Body ResponseTake My Advice, I'm Not Using ItProfessional Sports, Stress and DepressionMindfulness in Daily LifeI Found That Story Very "Touching"Cortisol: Why You Need to Know About ItRecharging Yourself Through Relationships and Giving to OthersNewly Married Couples and Sexual FrequencyCash Still Tight Around the Holidays? A 3 Step SolutionManaging Holiday Stress: Families + Holidays Do Not Always = Warm and Fuzzy TimesMindfulness, Intuition and the BrainThe Art of Pacing - Live Long and ProsperThe Pleasure, Beauty and Power of MusicDialectical Behavior Therapy Skills that Help Women Survive Stress Mindfulness for Stressed Teens: An Expert Interview With Gina Biegel, MA, LMFTDid You Know? Some Surprising Data about Stress An Expert Interview with Darrin Zeer on Managing Work Stress Where You Need to Look to Change Your LifeMake Your Life as Inconvenient as PossibleHow to Be Sick: A Mindful GuideA Lesson from Psalm 126New Research: Mindfulness and Adolescent Boys A Bit of Humor that Can Change Your DayHow a Flexible Body Makes a Flexible MindThe Mind Traps that Hold Us BackRewiring Your Brain for the Digital Age: A Good Thing?Software to Help with our Web Addictions? Bad Habits: Do You Have a Choice? The Most Important Way to Start Your DayIs the Storm Outside or In Your Mind? Thx: A 1 Minute Exercise Opening to the Space in Your Life: A Needed Reflection12 Hours Unplugged: Cravings, Urges, and Insights Oh My! Saturday: The 12 Hour Unplug Challenge What You Need to Know about the Dangers of Meditating for Relaxation Facebook: Research Shows Your Privacy at RiskThe Link Between Anger and StressNeuroplasticity: The Good, Bad and How it Affects YouUsing Your Brain to Work with Difficult Emotions3 Practical Steps to Making a Happier BrainHow to Find the Wisdom Inside to Mend Your Life Forgot Resolutions Already? 2 Strategies to Get You Back on TrackTrauma: A Mindful DialogueThoughts are Not Facts: A Story Everyone Should KnowHow to Slow Down Your Racing Heartbeat When Feeling AnxiousWhat Everyone Should Know About the Dangers Facebook Poses to Your RelationshipsElisha Goldstein's Top 10 Blog Posts for 2009Your Worry or Your Life? Sensory OverloadDo You Have the "I am a Fraud" Syndrome?An Interview with Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D. on Mindfulness at WorkBeyond Thanksgiving: Your Next Stop...How Your Mind Sabotages Your Best Intentions: 3 Steps to Breaking FreeDepression? Stress? How Sweet they Are? A Dissertation on Dark ChocolateWhat is the Key to Less Stress at Work and Life?4 Steps to Losing the Electronic LeashKeeping You Sane: Do You Need a Day Out? You vs. Procrastination: 1 (Mindful) Secret to Winning the BattleAn Evaluation of Self Help Books and AffirmationsIn a Falling Economy, Trust Your Gut Or Reason? Can Anxiety Be a Good Thing? An Interview with Ilan Meyer, Ph.D, on the Effects of Stress on Minority Mental HealthFeeling Stuck? Two Things You Need to Know to Make a Change Elisha Goldstein's Top 10 Mental Help Blog Posts3 Steps Out of Helplessness 4 Steps to Spiritual Health and Well-BeingDo You engage in Emotional Eating?Hope: Our Greatest Antidepressant5 Factors of Resilience to Engage Today! What About the Good News? The Psychology of Twitter, Mindfulness and Your Mental Health Stress Relief: A Simple FormulaEco-Altruism and Your Mental Health3 Ways to Stay Up in a Depressed Work EnvironmentIts Enough to Make You Sick, News Coverage of the Swine FluLife Feel Overwhelming? Lessons From a DishwasherTax Day: Overcoming Stress 1 Strategy for Everyday Mental HelpTrain Your Mind to Tame Your StressIf you lived here…Unhappy Wife = Unhealthy Life? 5 Ways to Achieve MiseryHow Mindfulness can Help You Walk Away from Stress Today"All Work and No Play Make Jack and Jill Dull...."How this economic recession can pull you into an emotional recession without you even knowing it. 5 key steps that can helpBreaking down Martin Luther King's psychology of faith and how it can help you today...Rising teen anxiety! 4 strategies to help your kid todayCollege Stress and Pets:How this new economy can threaten your family without you even knowing itHandling The Stress of the 2008 Holiday SeasonTinnitus, The Annoying Sound Inside Your Head"Music Hath Charms to Soothe the Savage Breast"How to take advantage of the holidays and stave off stress, anxiety, and depressionFacing Economic Stress: women are taking it harder than men.Itching, Another Example of Mind-Body InteractionHow you can be in the flow of life more often and increase your happinessOne strategy you’ll want to know to be less stressed and more focused at work and life! What does an Iraqi war veteran have to teach you about stress? The mental help of a smile, what's in it for you? Anger…constructive, destructive, or both?Too smart for our own good? How we perpetuate stress and how to change! Stock market crash, mortgage crisis, rising inflation: What you need to know for stress relief and sanity! Liberal morality versus conservative morality: Understanding the difference can help you avoid argumentsWhen will the next addictive trigger hit you? One practice to make sure you’re ready for it. What do Barack Obama and Sarah Palin have to do with your mental health?How stressed out are you? 2 brain nuggets to help you break free today We've all heard of dental floss, but mental floss to prevent stress, anxiety, and depression? TIME OUT! 2 Things you can practice today to stave off anxiety and depression in this hectic time. Is work stress threatening your sanity? This approach will help you make a change now! The X Factor in HappinessThis habitual way of dealing with emotions causes more harm than good; 3 tips to change it now! Coping with the Challenges of Daily StressesNew and Improved Stress Reduction Topic CenterToo Muchness: When Life Gets to Feeling Like it's All Too MuchBurnout, What It Is and What To Do About ItMaintaining Mental Health During the HolidaysStress and Obesity, It's Official: Relaxation is Necessary for HealthI Want to ForgetMen and Anger and Heart Disease RevisitedMeditation: More BenefitsOur Fast Paced LivesWhy Do You Wash the Dishes?Humor Is A Laughing MatterDogs, Social Support and Health: A Winning CombinationA Primer on Coping (and some Holiday applications)Insufficient Arousal - Activation: From Emptiness to Inertia VideosLinksBook Reviews |
| | |
Feeling Stuck? Two Things You Need to Know to Make a Change Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D. Updated: Aug 13th 2009 Sometimes the instructions we get in life can be very simple, but not necessarily that easy to engage. There are so many books that come out year after year that we connect to, make us feel good for moments at a time, but for some reason, we just don't end up engaging in the practice the book is telling us about.
Take for example the simple message that when you engage in healthy activities, you feel good and when you engage in unhealthy activities you don't. This could mean engaging in activities from diet, to exercise, to letting go of beating yourself up so much.
Aha, there's the culprit. Just when we start to try and do something for ourselves the ANTS (automatic negative thoughts) creep in. "This is just surface stuff, my issues run way deeper than this," or "I'm too busy for this," or "I'm hopeless, this isn't working." We then follow by putting the book, CD, therapy session, etc... down and falling back into the auto-pilot of our lives.
But wait, there's a second culprit. The people you hang out with. Yes, that's right. If there's one thing we've learned, the community we spend time with has a great influence on our ability to actually cultivate change. Take a good look at who you spend most your time with. Are these people supportive of the changes you want to make? Are there other people you don't spend time with who are more supportive? Are there groups or organizations in your area that would be more supportive? Begin spending a bit more time with people and groups who are more supportive and a little less time with those who are not.
Most of all, know that it took you many years to get to the state you are in today and it may take some time to work through the ANTS and engage with supportive people. So try and have compassion for yourself along this process and as time goes by, you may notice, overall, there are less ANTS in your head or they bother you less and you feel better about the people you're spending your time with.
As always, please share your thoughts, stories, and questions below. Your interaction provides a living wisdom for us all to benefit from. the ANTS - Carol M. Mak - Dec 7th 2009
This is a brilliant explanation of how people make thoughts an escape from doing things that they know would help them. Thanks for this enlightenment. "Getting Into Gear" is always a good thing. I just love this. It sure turned on a light for me. "the ANTS" is an exciting concept...a good link-word. Thanks ((hugs)) even. Carol, yes, I'm from Canada, wouldn't you know it! Where do you turn? - Sarah - Aug 29th 2009
I am unemployed, hove been for almost a year. I go to workforce center for tips, helps and use of internet to do resumes and look for work since pretty much everything is on-line. I am over 50 and that adds to the frustration of looking for a job. They say there is no discrimination but you practically are told to fib, or stretch the truth, or cover-up on your resmue any indication you are over 50.
Yes that's what they teach you to do at the workforce center! I am from the "old school" I guess, where telling a lie should not be rewarded! You are supposed to leave out your graduation date, stretch the truth on something you accomplished while at work that, in your own estimation, saved the company X amount of dollars, even if you have no proof you did! I want a job! But how can I respect myself or my employer if that is want is required on a resume to get a job?
I also do not have health insurance. I am over 50 with type 2 Diabetes. high blood pressure, thyroid condition, but have not seen a doctor in over 2 years. I was also unemployed for 6 months prior to me getting this last job, the previous job position was "eliminated" and the most recent one the company "downsized" about 40% of it's staff. I was not able to pick up insurance as I had taken about $2.80/hour cut in pay and couldn't afford the premiums. Now I can't get insurance because I have been without it for over 6 months so you are penalized by having to pay a high premium ($400/month or more) or paying a lower premium ($180-$390) with $5,000 or better out of pocket per year before anything is covered and also a "penalty" of no coverage for pre-existing conditions! I didn't accumulate $5,000 worth of medical care in last 3 years when I had insurance! So in other words I would be paying premiums for health issues I don't have!
I can see why depression is on the rise nationally. I used to take anti-depressants but dropped them because I couldn't afford the drugs. I can't afford to go to mental health clinic because I have no job and no insurance. I do no qualify for any assistance because I am able to draw unemployment (1/2 the amount I made in my former lowest paid job) at least until end of year.
I find it difficult to: "lie" on my resume, "sell" myself in interviews, have the energy to do things I normally love to do. Since my parents have passed away the families are living further apart and busy with their own lives, so seldom hear from them. When I do call they are on their way someplace or don't have time to talk or busy with kids. I don't drink or go to bars and find inter-net dating or socializing scarry! I just want to curl up on the coach or stay in bed. I guess I have to just accept that as life and hope I live through it with-out living on the streets for lack of job or with some disease that I can't afford to have treated. I had hoped writing this would make me feel a lttle better today, but I almost feel worse with the thought of the futility of my situation. I see no relief! Letdown by others? Can't stop gossiping? - Marge - Aug 18th 2009
If your family lets you down, find friends through volunteer activities. Check out courses around town and you will make new friends. Just be friendly and positive yourself....Expect good things will happen and then they will....that might sound strange, but it really works. I lost most of my family and friends through a divorce many did not approve of, but I kept working and connecting as much as possible and I now have a new network in a matter of 6 months. Remember that whenever you speak badly of someone else, the real and genuine people will not want to hang out with you because they know that as soon as their back is turned, you may say something negative about them....that should squelch a bad habit. This is so true - amy - Aug 18th 2009
This document is right on-but more so the person that commented on it--I could have written that!!!!!!! So just know you're not alone in your struggles---people (all of us really) are negative way too much--so in turn we're negative towards ourselves--I read a great book-feel wonderful--then go back to the ANTS--every single time--I hate myself when I talk badly of others--what is that in us that we keep doing it??? Good article....good comments..... good - Toury - Aug 14th 2009
Ya, that is true. and I will agree that it takes a while to change the people you hang out with, as I am doing that right now and I find myself really lonely at times. And it's tough to not pick up the phone and call 'an old pal'.
Second. the bad habit of beating yourself up. that is a real tough one. Not only that, but stopping ruminating as well, and venting to friends, and saying bad things about others, that they learn and then you just made a fool of yourself and feel like you can't go to certain places. Very very hard to not do that mistake!
And many other details. Like, starting to do something that should make you feel better, and then stopping because you feel sad. And don't really feel like it anymore and start seeing the thing your doing as crap.
Resisting temptation is another one. Going out with good friends, and then they eat chips and then you eat the whole bag. even if you aren't hungry.
So, ya, it's true. doing the good things and keeping on the program is good. Continuing not giving into those bad thoughts about self is good. But so incredibly hard!!! Especially when you have limited amount of people around you that remind you to do the good things. Maybe there's 2...that you see once a week, might be the therapist. and then maybe one other friend that constantly boost you up and remind you of what you need to do [just by being themself and happy], but then, the rest of the week, you are entirely by yourself and depression constantly comes back uninvited.
It's a real har fight to fight. Support - Maureen - Aug 13th 2009
It is a little difficult to get support when you have no one in your life that you can rely on. No family or friends or spouse because they are the reason for the depression and feelings of giving up. |