Mental Help Net
  •  
Relationship Problems
Resources
Basic InformationMore InformationLatest NewsQuestions and AnswersBlog EntriesVideosLinksBook Reviews
Therapist Search
Find a Therapist:
 (USA/CAN only)

Use our Advanced Search to locate a therapist outside of North America.

Related Topics

Family & Relationship Issues
Homosexuality & Bisexuality
Dating

Dana Vince, M.A.Dana Vince, M.A., LPC, MHSP
A blog about mental and emotional health

Affair Prevention

Dana Vince, M.A., LPC, MHSP Updated: Nov 5th 2010

All marital partners, at some point in their marriage, will feel disconnected from one another. This is a normal occurrence in marriage. However, if it is not recognized as normal, if steps are not taken to prevent it, recognize it, or recover from it, it can make a couple vulnerable to infidelity.

broken paper heartWhat does it mean to be connected? It means being emotionally in tune with each other. You know when your partner has had a good or bad day, who are their best friends and who are their enemies, what’s going on at work or with extended family. On a larger scale, what their dreams and goals are, what makes them sad and what makes them happy. What their scared of and what they most aspire to be. These are things that two people who are connected know about and care about each other. It requires openness and honesty, genuineness and kindness.

When do couples become disconnected? A couple experiences disconnection for many reasons. There are times in a couples life when they are extra vulnerable to disconnection; the birth of a child, the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, or any other major life change. Disconnection can also happen from not taking the time to be alone with one another, to talk to each other. Not making your marriage a priority and letting other life happenings get in the way.

How do we prevent becoming disconnected: one major way to avoid disconnection is by making your marriage a top priority and always taking time to spend with one another. When there is conflict, to deal with it by talking openly and in a caring way with one another so conflict can be discussed and resolved. Don’t allow resentments to build, talk to each other and stay in tune with each other’s emotions.

You may take all of the precautions and still find that you feel disconnected. The first important step is recognizing it. Being able to catch and notice that you have not been connecting with your partner. The next step is to address it. Let your partner know, without attacking or blaming, that you feel disconnected and together figure out what you need to do to reconnect with each other and tune back in to each other.

When you find yourself disconnected, deal with it with each other. If you do not, you both become vulnerable to infidelity. When disconnection exists for too long, it becomes to easy to find connection from someone outside the marriage.

Couples are not connected ALL the time, that’s normal. And feeling disconnected is not a sign of an unhappy or unhealthy marriage. But how you deal with it when you feel disconnected is. You must recognize it and address it and find each other over and over again to minimize the vulnerability to infidelity.

 

Dana Vince, M.A., LPC, MHSP

I help people who love each other learn to get along with each other.

Your relationship with your spouse is the most important relationship you have. Yet it can be the most difficult to maintain. It’s a common question to ask why we hurt the ones we love the most. It’s because it’s where we are most vulnerable, and with vulnerability comes fear. In order for a relationship to be healthy, there must be a sense of emotional safety for both partners to be open enough with each other to feel connected and create a sense of deeper intimacy. Emotional safety requires compassion for one another, respect and emotional responsiveness to one another’s feelings and needs. It can be very difficult for couples to achieve this and reach the level of satisfaction in the relationship they desire.

In counseling couples, I focus on teaching how to communicate in ways that build a safe emotional environment, while allowing for authenticity that creates stronger intimacy and connection. The counseling process can not only help you overcome the challenges you are facing right now, but also give you the skills and understanding to manage any challenge that comes along in the future.

www.healingheartscounseling.org
1-865-283-1777

Call Dana Vince for a Free phone consultation. Daytime and Evening hours are available.

    Reader Comments
    Discuss this issue below or in our forums.

    Follow us on Twitter!

    Find us on Facebook!



    This website is certified by Health On the Net Foundation. Click to verify.This site complies with the HONcode standard for trustworthy health information:
    verify here.

    Powered by CenterSite.Net