| |
Basic InformationMore InformationLatest NewsQuestions and AnswersPersonality Disorder or Just a Horrible PersonHusband Sexting With a Mutual FriendAm I Controlling ?Commitment IssuesFound Out my Therapist Had a Disciplinary Action in the PastTrust IssueClassify My Mental DisorderProlonged Unemployment of Husband Long Distance College Relationship Does my Boyfriend Have Feelings For His Ex Wife?Married to a PsychopathBreaking UpTrust IssuesHow to Overcome Depression Caused when Boyfriend Ditched Me?New Boyfriend Lying About Belongings That Are His Ex Girlfriend'sShould I Stay or Should I Go?How Can I Help my Fiancé?Husband Continually Annoyed/Angry With MeRecent Loss of my Mother is Causing Problems... Lost in LimboNeed Help in Building the BridgesLack of Affection and IntimacyIs He Seeing Someone?Marriage QuestionResentment-Controlling Wife/Passive-Agressive HusbandHow To Get Over It?Am I Going Crazy?Can My Marriage Be Saved?Why Is He Doing This To Me?Am I Commitment-Phobic?Change of Heart After Parent's DeathDoes He Love Me?The Breakup.Should I Stay With a Lying Husband?What Happened?On and Off Relationship For Almost 10yrsJealous GirlfriendWill My Husband Ever Quit Abusing Narcotics?I Am Tired of MarriageNot Able to be Happy With my HusbandDo You Think We Can Work This Out?Is It Me or Him?Personality Disorder Symptoms??Morbid Jealousy?How Much is TOO Much Therapy?How to Handle an Employee Who Tells Obvious LiesAffection DeficitDelusional JealousyMy Boyfriend Still has his Ex-Girlfriend's PhotosEmotional Manipulator, Personality Disorder or Both?In Love With a Man Who Does Not Love MeBoyfriend's Daughter's Strange BehaviorI Have Been Rejected.Second MarriageNew Job New ChanceCrazy Mother In Law Ruining Our Mental Health and RelationshipI am a Newlywed and Need HelpLiarWhy Is He So Jealous, Even of My Own Brothers??Why my Emotional Relationships With Men Don't Last?What do you do When Your Partner Just Won't Understand or Change?The Marriage Corner: How Do We Get Through This?Preventing Unwarranted ConflictShould I be Worried?Should I Stay With My Girlfriend of 4 Years?My Boyfriend Saved a Picture of a Girl he Slept With in Case we Split up?Bipolar Girlfriend 55 Years OldIs He Changed???Lust or Love?Why Can't I Get Over It?My BoyfriendLlied to Me About His Ex.Missing My Ex-Boyfriend Terribly We Broke Up Because of His Mother.. I Had an Abortion. Having Suicidal ThoughtsAm I a Sociopath? Insecure DangerTrying to Reconnect With My ExWhat Is Intimacy, Exactly?Is She Ill?Why Does My Wife's Old Boyfriend Bother Me?Insanely Jealous HusbandHow do We Get Her to Accept Us as Part of The Family?Will my Boyfriend Eventually Hit me?I'm Cheated By My Girlfriend..... I Just Want to Die.....Can This Ever Change??Need AdviceI Think I Have Sexual Issue'sI Feel So Lost.Extreme JealousyScared and LonelyWhat Does he Have to Pay? And What Not?Sex Why do You Think my Boyfriend Left Our Relationship in This Manner?I Feel Like he Won't Ever Love me Like he Loves herHelp with a Histrionic FriendI am an 18 Year Old Mom Diagnosed With Severe Depression And AnxietyBoyfriend Still Acting Like a BachelorMiddle-Aged Female Never In LoveShe Doesn't Behave Like My Love Completes Her.Should I Be Hopeful That He Will Change His Mind About Divorce?Silent TreatmentI Want To Die!I Really Need Some Advice...How Can I Cope With My Husband´s Depression and Its Sexual Consequences?Am I Over Thinking This, or Am I Right?How Do I Handle This?Boyfriend My Husband is Too AffectionateWhat Should I do?Is it Really a Problem?Am I Not Normal!?Husband Abandoned MeBreaking up With Bipolar He's Distant. Is he Leaving me?My Boyfriend Saved Pictures of his Ex-Girlfriend on His Computer.Depression in College SeniorsMy Boyfriend and His Adult DaughterGuys Think I Am Too Much for Them to HandleWhy do Men Not Find Me Attractive?What Should I Do?RelationshipNever Been In a Serious RelationshipAm I Being Used?Sudden Separation After Loss of Father Am I In Danger?Does Being Drunk Bring Out the True Personality?VoicesHusband's Weight ProblemWhat to do?I Love Her, but I Want That Spark BackWhy do I Reject My Boyfriend's Son?Walking HomeIs She Mentally Ill?What To Do?How Can I Trust Again??My boyfriend is a SociopathWill I ever feel normal?Relationship Anxiety No romance after baby!Save my marriage!Sexual issues with husbandMy husband has left me for another woman. How do I let go?Help my son with his morbid jealous girlfriend, get him out.Anti social with accepting girlfriendRelationshipTransferenceDo you really ever 'Just Know' ? Anxiety In A RelationshipHow can I forgive my husband to save our marriage?How to deal with a pot smoker who uses it to cover mental problem - - Oct 23rd 2008how to ask if the pics are her?My husband has admitted he is an alcoholic...how do we healHow much guilt is normal?Unhappy MarriageTorn between two lovers, and scared of what I'll doTerminating Therapy after 17 yearsHelp with My HusbandNervous about nudityIs he crazy or am I?Boyfriend with APD - frustrated - Nelly - Jul 21st 2008Why does my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend have to be so involved in his life?Should I try to salvage this relationship?Dating a Psychologist and Feeling InferiorIs It Abuse? - Erin - Jun 24th, 2008Whyabuse survivorI never feel enough affection from my boyfriend. Am I obsessing? I think we got married for the wrong reasons.My partner of 6 years suddenly left with no explanation and has completely shut me and my kids out- EliseMy boyfriend doesn't seem to have gotten over his ex-girlfriendInsane JealousyBoyfriend's skeletons and friends' opinionsIs it my fault if my family falls apart after he cheats?Child jealous of moms relationship with her new husbandwife wants to seperate after 23 yrs.Husband in alcohol rehabMy ex-husband tells me he wants to be with me again but won't move out of his girlfriend's houseJealousy, Anger, Depression and Feardealing with demanding motherMy Wife is Depressed. Should I help her to Toughen Up or Just Be There for her?Engaged to be married but fighting. The wedding date has been canceled.Long Distance Relationship TrialsHe cheats on me. Is it my fault? So sick of this lying crap he puts on mewas this a contolling relationship, and why would I put up with it? Does my husband love his daughter more than me (his wife)?alcohlic husbandFeel like I'm trappeddating and the stigma of mental health.What\'s the matter?My girlfriend wants to stop being critical but doesn't know howFinally have a stable marriage, but having sex problemsA fighting coupleIt seems like I have to choose between my husband and my son!two intelligent adults who feel they don\'t have friendsShould I get involved?hard decisionMy OCPD husband can't tolerate my 'flaws'My Fiancee Can't Get Over His Late Wifewhat can i do?Just looking?Husband with erratic behaviorafter verbal abuseLoyalty or Love?Should I leave my husband?Very confusing relationshipDisbeliefwill my husband still love me after he comes out of major depression?Confronting A Marriage ProblemHow do I forgive and forget when my husband abandoned me?Other WomandivorceWho is my wife?How to move on with everything against you?The Catch 22 of Fear of AbandonmentLearning To Set Limitswhat am i afraid of?How to work out differencesAbusive relationship ever change?There are no guarantees when it comes to loveI compromised and gave inGoing through his thingsAdvice for my unhappily married friendHe's selfish, disrespectful and irresponsibleI have a crush on my husband's friendI cannot continue to live without affectionRegret my decision every single dayHe has hit me on a few occasions ...Lingering Feelings for my old affair partnerObsessed with the woman who is about to marry my exWife of 21 Years Has a BoyfriendHaving trouble letting go of ex-sister-in-lawI suspect that my husband is cheatingAbusive Older SisterExplaining Divorce To ChildrenWorking Mother Wants To Stay HomeAm I Just Deluding Myself?Attachment IssuesCraving AttentionEmbarrassed and Ashamed of My WeaknessShould I Just Be Alone For Now?Is Recovery Possible?Withdrawn WifeHusband Wants A DivorceBest Way To Deal With Verbal AbuseHelping My HusbandScared To Death NowDuty vs. FreedomGrieving All The TimeMarital Problems?Living With PTSDBosom BuddiesMaking ExcusesWhat Abuse Looks LikeAm I Wrong?Can You Help Me Save My Relationship?Marital StressOCD And a Lying HusbandHe'll Never Marry MeMs. DoubtfulBusted By A 5-Year-OldUnethical CounselorBad Health And A Bum HusbandMarriage ProblemsWhere Do I Go From Here?Frustrated and Sucked DryWhy Do I Provoke A Negative Attitude In Others?Depressed HusbandSerious ProblemsSlobby HusbandArranged MarriageRecognizing Verbal AbuseGrieving and CluelessMarital CrisisOne Side Of The StoryReader Comment #1Schizophrenia?Pornography # 2: Should I Go Or Should I Stay?Addicted, Immoral HusbandCan I Help My Wife With Depression?Online Gaming ProblemsFeels Like AdulteryJust Left My Abusive BoyfriendShould I Get Back Together With My Wife?Rites of Passage: Moving OnShe Won't Get HelpLost Person Struggling With Intimacy IssuesNo Compassion For DepressionAffair GuiltAlone TimeSeizures Interfering With LoveControlling HusbandHow Can I Help My Bipolar Wife?Affairs and Broken HeartsCan It Work?Dead-End MarriageSweetheart ObsessionWanting IntimacyDepressed HusbandAbusive WifeAdulterer's LamentRecovering LiarAlcoholic HusbandMarriage TroubleSpiraling HusbandCan't Make Someone Love YouCountering Type A With AssertivenessSuffering In The CountryUnhappy In An Arranged MarriageRocky RelationshipBipolar WifeSick HusbandInner RageDid My Husband Cheat?Married To A Control FreakScreaming And Cursing HusbandAbusive HusbandCar NutTorn Over ChildrenLong MarriedAbused WifeAlcoholic HusbandAffairBroken TrustI Want To Leave, But For The Children ...Dependent HusbandDepressed SpousePerfectionist HusbandIndependenceOffice CasanovaThe SecretaryNo Desire For Sex 1Some Short Ones First:Wanting That Magic BackControlling, Disabled HusbandMaxie the MoocherDrifting Apart?Is Divorce the Answer?Salvaging A MarriageExplosive AngerMental AbuseLying, Cheating HusbandMy Wife the PrisonerChaotic Family LifeLost TrustThe Grass is Always Greener...How can I save my marriage?Emotionally Abusive Marriage: What To Do?A Social MarriageCheating, Story No. 2,901Husband's Secretary Too Close?A VIOLENT MARRIAGESHOULD I BE AFRAID?Rocky MarriageRocky Marriage, Part IIThreatened by Suicide if I LeaveBa! Humbug! HusbandReconciliationFickle HusbandDoubting My Husband's SincerityI Can't Say No To My AffairMy Husband Lies To MeAttraction Outside the MarriageJekyll & HydeTrying To Save Our MarriageWhat Defines Marriage?Battling a Weight ProblemMy Snoring is Pushing Him AwayComing To Terms With Her AffairMarried for 2 MonthsMy Ex Is Moving On...Repeat OffenderDistantShe Wants to Have an AffairMy Wife's Past...He Says I'm Too EmotionalI Can't Let Go6 Years Is a Long TimeI Want to Leave My Husband for AnotherMommy's New BoyfriendBusy and WantingPre-Marital SexWorking it OutHe's Not HimselfSecret RendezvousI Can't Please My WifeJealous of My Fiance's FamilyMy Husband Refuses to Seek HelpI Can't TrustHonesty Isn't the Best PolicyDating My WifeAn Angry HusbandHe's So Angry...My Wife Wants Me to Leave...Unfaithful and UnhappyMy Wife and Her Sister...Hanging OnI'm Jealous of His ExMood SwingsDianne writes:Rob writes:Michelle writes:Parlante writes:Suzanne writes:bz writes:Carol-Ann writes:Laura writes: Blog EntriesHow Pornography Distorts Intimate RelationshipsBreaking the Cycle of Emotional AbandonmentWhy an Imperfect Marriage is Your Best Option for Happiness - Part IIWhy an Imperfect Marriage is Your Best Option for Happiness - Part IWhen Is It Time to End a Relationship with a Lover, Friend or Family Member?Can You Love Too Much?Learning to Navigate In-law Relationships as Newlyweds Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)Skills and Spills Along the Path of Relational ConflictConscious Uncoupling - Vital for Mental Well-beingLove, Lust or Addiction?The Fastest Way to Boost Your MoodHow Emotionally Intelligent Are You?How to Change Your Attachment StyleRedefining the Idea of "Relationship" The Dance of Intimacy and AutonomyDealing Constructively With Marital ConflictHow to Spot Manipulation10 Things You Should Never Give Up For a RelationshipAre You In Denial? Drifting Apart and How to ReconnectRedemption for a Man who Hurt his Partner with Words - Part IIIHow to Untangle the Money Issues in Your RelationshipCultivating Healthy Relationships Take Practice; Lots of ItWhat Do Top Relationship Experts Have to Say About the Effects of Criticism on Relationship?Redemption for a Man who Hurt his Partner with Words - Part IIRedemption for a Man who Hurt his Partner with WordsParent from the Same PageGetting the Respect You DeserveEstablishing Healthy Family Relational BoundariesObsessions and AddictionHow to Say No to People You Care AboutAccepting What We Cannot Change: The Power of AcceptanceThe Art of Letting GoThe Importance of Boundaries in Romantic RelationshipsSan Francisco Couples: "Talking about Money with your Honey"5 Ways to Stop an Argument in Less Than a MinuteDo We Need Couples Counseling?Compassion vs. EmpathyAfter AdulteryPower, Control, and CodependencyIs The Therapist Ever A Patient?Namaste, Greetings, Relationships and New Year ResolutionsThe Trouble with Compromise4 Proven Tips for a Healthy Relationship20 Warning Signs Your Relationship is in Trouble“Am I with the Right Partner?”We Were Married 41 Years Ago A.R.E. You There?Help for Codependents Breaking UpSurvival Tips for Long Distance RelationshipsRelationships and the Meaning of CourageOn Giving and Taking AdviceContemplating Divorce?Sleep and Marriage: Are You Compatible?ABC’s of MarriageGet Out of the WarShould You Wear Your Heart on Your Sleeve?The Benefit of the DoubtWhy People do Not Agree: Attentional and Cognitive BiasSociopath Next DoorA Simple Path to Wiser Communication 24 Tips for Conflict ResolutionIt's Tough to be a Man in AmericaRoles in RelationshipsCreative Couple/Family Counseling: Discovering the Paradoxical Pass in the Impasse7 Reasons to See a Marriage CounselorImago Relationship TherapyMarriage and "That Seven Year Itch"Give Them What They WantThe Power of Personal BoundariesAre You Trapped in an Unhappy Relationship?What Relationship Research Tells us About Living "Happily Ever After"4 Well-Intentioned Behaviors That Can Damage a RelationshipMaking Your Relationship WorkTry a Softer ToneFriending and Unfriending on FacebookSpeak TrulyKeys to An Effective ApologyValentine's Day Traps - 6 Tips to Avoid ThemHow Long Must We Continue To Talk About This Affair!?!Recovery from CodependencyNagging...or Motivational Speaking?Don't QuarrelTrust in Love Is Long-Lasting Romance Possible? What the Latest Research ShowsHow Do You Know When You Are In Love?Relationship Troubles? Look at Your Shoulds (and Shouldn'ts)A Surprising Contributor to a Lasting MarriageRelationships and The Role of Mutual BlameCodependency or Interdependency - What's the Difference?Love or Understanding? Relationships and The Need to Fix Others: Are You A Fixer?Married, With Children: 10 Ways to Keep the Fires BurningShame: The Core of Addiction and CodependencyWhat Is Boredom?Taste the Lover's MeditationHealing From an Affair- for CouplesBefore Your Speak...Think!When a Depressed Partner Falls Out of LoveUnrealistic Expectations About Love and MarriageMarriage, Are You Afraid of Emotional Intimacy?Put the "I" in IndependenceHow Our Brains Adapt to Trust and BetrayalMarried for Forty Years: How Did We Make It?Can Affairs Can Be A Gift for a Marriage?4 Steps to ForgivenessHuman Behavior, My Brain Made Me do It?Friends And MarriageHow to Spot Emotional UnavailabilityWhat is Emotional Abandonment?Video Blog: Emotionally UnavailableIt's a Man's World, or Is It??Is Your Partner Still Relating to His/Her Ex?Seven Ways to Connect With Your PartnerWhen Does Vicarious Trauma (VT) Become a Sign of Codependency? - Part IA Mindful and Compassionate Approach to Anger in RelationshipsThe Dilemmas of Codependent MenUnderstanding ResentmentFamilies and Groups with Rigid BoundariesRebuilding Trust - Part IIHow Do You Know When You are Ready for a New Relationship?Spring Cleaning for Your Social NetworkSucceeding in Relationships at Work and HomeTo Trust or Mistrust - Part IDoes Past Abuse Signal Future Abuse?Men are from Earth and so are WomenBad Marriages and AffairsCling Less, Love MoreYou Want a Better Relationship? ListenPreconceived Notions and Their Impact on Thinking and BehaviorThree Components of a Commitment: A Universal ToolCompassion May Not Be What You Think It IsTo Stay or to Go? That is the Question!Alone and Lonely in a MarriagePersonality, Are You a Warm or Cold Person?How Our Brains are Wired to Miss the MagicHow to Get the Most from your Couples TherapyMake a Valentine's ResolutionOnline Dating, Pros and ConsSymptoms of CodependencyThe Importance of Saying "No"Infidelity, Can A Marriage Be Mended?Relationship Problems? Stop Watering the Seeds of SufferingPositivity in Relationships is ContagiousHow to Have a Happy MarriageIt's Shocking How Little People Settle For, How Much They Put Up With and How Much Better They DeserveRelationships: The Road From Dating to CommitmentAddicted to PeopleTwo Communicational Tools Providing Perspective, Patience and PresenceSchemas: Single and Repeatedly AloneTalking with a Depressed PartnerDepression and MarriageHow to Have More Intimacy - What's your Intimacy Index?This Holiday Give Yourself and Your Partner the Gift of your PresenceHow to Taste the Joy of in Our RelationshipsWhy Did this YouTube Video at 3 Million Hits? Pursuing a Job, Self-effacement is Self SabotageWhy Being an Expert Can Make You Unhappy5 Things To Consider Before Asking for a DivorceBabies: A Recipe for Marital Bliss or Dissatisfaction?Do We Need Enemies?A Canadian ThanksgivingDo's and Don'ts of Divorce"On Being Certain," A Wonderful book by Robert A. Burton, MDDrop Tart ToneIs it Love or Addiction?Do You Love a Narcissist?8 Ways to Affair-Proof Your MarriageBalancing Joining and Separation Keeping It Real — Do You Get It?Your Primary Spiritual Relationship - Love for YourselfThe Dalai Lama's Simple Message to Heal RelationshipsGROKKED: Being Seen, Heard and Known For Who You AreAn Interview with Marc Maron about Addiction and Relationships Fear of Commitment in RelationshipsIs Your Relationship Making You Sick?Listening with EmpathyThe Wolf of HateThe Relationship between Narcissism and CodependencyFinding That Significant Other, Why So Difficult?Can This Simple Phrase Change Your Relationship for Good?The Evolution of LoveEmotionally Intelligent RelationshipsThe 4 Stages of Dating RelationshipsBreaking-Up: Should You Leave Or Can You Get the Change You Want?Transitioning from Being Single to Being Half of a Couple: The Top 3 Perpetual IssuesThe Frustration of Arguing About the TruthWhy Do Smart and Successful People Do Dumb and Self-Sabotaging Things?Relationship Partners and In-lawsHe Cheated, She Forgave Him; How Did They Overcome Infidelity?Is Your Marriage & Family Dysfunctional?Repairing Damage to Relationships While Having ConflictMarried People Now in the Minority?6 Keys of Assertive CommunicationRunning Away from ConflictOn Being Married and Loved to Death Discover Ways to Stay Calm and Remain In Difficult DiscussionsThe Importance of Couples CounselingPrescription Drug Abuse, Why So Few Responses?Avoiding the Seduction of a FightThe Brain Lock of Obsessional ThinkingIs Your Heart Committed? Is His?Resolving Guilt Once and For All, Time After TimeA New Cause of DepressionAre We as Sick as Our Secrets?Sticks and Stones will Break My Bones: Name-calling in Intimate RelationshipsOn the Brink of Divorce, How They RecoveredAre Men Really Childish Boys?The Language Couple-shipA Forgotten Valentine - Why Our Partners Have Grown LazyA Story of Healing from InfidelityThe Many Meanings of Smiling"That's Not Fair,...."Twisted Upside-Down CommunicationCan You Feel the Love Tonight: A Perspective on Valentine's DaySurvival Tips for Singles During the Valentine’s SeasonPlaying Hard to GetHow to Protect Your Marriage in a Step FamilyThe Dance of IntimacyStepfamily, Blended Family, Remarried Family or Married with Baggage Family?Of Apololgies, Forgiveness and ForgettingA Marriage Counseling StoryHow Can Metaphors Lead to Mental Health?A Marriage Counseling Success StoryRituals Enhance RelationshipsSplitting: Bringing in That Third PartyAn Interview with Sandra Ceren, Ph.D., on Premarital CounselingWired for Empathy and ConnectionOne Key Factor to Predicting if Your Relationship will LastThis Holiday Season Practice "Doggy Medicine" for a Happy RelationshipHow Can I Forgive You?: First Steps When Your Relationship is On the RocksDoes the Modern World Promote Schizoid Personality Disorder?Speaking Male, Speaking Female—Communicating into Another's ListeningTroubled Marriages and the HolidaysSudden End to a MarriageSetting Healthy Limits—It Can Be an All-Win!Men, Their Needs, and What It Has to Do With AffairsThe Most Difficult Emotion: Shame, Disconnection, Courage and LoveA Vacation is Good For the Soul...and for the RelationshipMoving Beyond Deadlock: Breaking Out of Old Marital Conflicts Some Questions About Helping Others?Affair PreventionThe Most Important Tool For Restoring Emotional Intimacy to Your Marriage8 Strategies for Maintaining Resilience in Your Couple Relationship When Cancer Joins The FamilyInsult, Revenge and Captain AhabWhy Do We Fight? Coping With People Who Are "Difficult""My Mother is Ruining my Life"Warning: Facebook May Be Hazardous to Your RelationshipWhen Relationship Partners Act Like Parents or Children Towards One AnotherTransference vs. Encounter in PsychotherapyTreatment for Problematic Internet Pornography ViewingThe Life Cycle of RelationshipsWhose Fault is It? How Blame Sabotages RelationshipsAn Interview with Sharon Rivkin, M.A., M.F.T., on Resolving ArgumentsFour Strategies to Invest Trust WiselyDo Opposites Attract?Nothing To Prove and Nothing To ExplainMuch Ado About SomethingIntolerance and DiscriminationPsychological Jujitsu/Aikido/Alchemy — "Conversation Stoppers"Empathy vs. BlameDNA Dating: The Future of Matchmaking? ACCEPTANCE—Even LESS than Meets the I!Facebook: Research Shows Your Privacy at RiskMatthews, Obama and Racism: What it Means for UsEco-Friction: What It's Really AboutWhat Everyone Should Know About the Dangers Facebook Poses to Your RelationshipsFamily Ties: Knowing Why and How They Must Remain Snug & Tied!How to Gain Control of Your Mind, Instead of Your Mind Controlling You7 Steps to Forgiving Your PartnerKey Questions to Consider in Significant RelationshipsRelationships as a Spiritual PathAre You Codependent?Growing Through Divorce3 Reasons You May Want Group TherapyWomen Who Love Too Much, Are You One of Them?An Interview with Kristin Celello, Ph.D, on the History of Marriage in 20th Century AmericaI Blush, Therefore I...Some Thoughts about Perception, Communication and Disagreement:On Socializing, Making Friends and Meeting People: StrategiesRecognizing an Alcohol Problem in YourselfMaking Friends, A Matter of Where You Live?Rejection, Why Does It Hurt So Much?Gossip: A Form of Workplace Warfare"Whoso would be a man must be a nonconformist." Ralph Waldo EmersonMarried 40 Years....And We Never had ONE FightRelationships: Stop Watering the Seeds of SufferingUnhappy Wife = Unhealthy Life? On the Family As A System and the Problem of TriangulationPast Loves and Facebook: To Connect or Not to ConnectArguing and Marriage: Go Together Like a Horse and CarriageRelationship problems? Consider this...Help your brain help you live the good life: Neuroplasticity and your strengthsHow this new economy can threaten your family without you even knowing itTurn 2009 into the year for you! A tip from Albert Einstein and Quantum Physics on relationships and well-beingThe Eyes Are The Windows To The SoulAre you listening to me? A key skill in this coming New YearOn Loneliness, Warmth and Making FriendsWhat Makes Therapy Work?The new Technological Brain: Plusses and MinusesAlcohol and Personality ChangesGossip: Of Politics, People and RelationshipsInfidelity, Why do people cheat?On the Issue of Sexual and Other Feelings Towards the TherapistWhy so much fuss over Eliot Spitzer's affair? What did you mean by that? Words, Meanings and ContextMarriage Today, the LatestAn Interview with William Glasser, MD and Carleen Glasser on Happier MarriagesRe-Invigorating Your MarriageCouples and QuarrellingAre We Too Sensitive Today?ForgivenessMarriage, Family and Adult ADHDIs This the Right Person for Me?"But You Can Choose Your Friends"Can Men and Women Be Friends?Dealing With Difference and the New Year"Why Didn't I?"Stuffing It: The Culture of Not SpeakingAttending pre-marital counseling classes really does pay off VideosLinksBook Reviews |
| | |
Sudden End to a MarriageAllan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D. Updated: Dec 6th 2010 A woman posted this comment on the "Ask the Therapist part of Mental Help Net:
"My partner of 6 years suddenly left with no explanation and has completely shut me and my kids out."
/poc/view_doc.php?type=advice&id=3168&at=7&cn=289&ad_7=1&submit=I+Agree#ad23463
This is a common phenomenon that can happen with a husband or wife. The abandoned spouse always feels a sense of shock and bewilderment about why their partner suddenly decided to leave. They report believing the marriage was healthy and free of problems. Most often the spouse suddenly announces their unhappiness with the marriage and their intent of immediately leaving. What is behind this painful phenomenon?
In reality, the shocked reaction of a spouse to their partner separating is demonstrative of one of the problems that plagued the relationship from the beginning. That problem is the unwillingness or inability of the abandoned husband or wife to acknowledge the validity of complaints that constantly arise. In the same way, all marital issues are ignored.
What are some of the warning signs that are symptomatic of a troubled marriage and an unhappy marriage?
1. There is a marked decrease in physical and emotional affection. While this includes sexual relationships it also includes such things as hugging, kissing, joking, intimate conversations, and joint problem solving, among many others. In all, there is a serious diminishment of spontaneity.
2. When together, there are long and awkward silences. This includes feelings of sadness for no apparent reason.
3. Increasing instances of being away from home with the explanations of having more to do at work, etc.
4. A type of one way arguing in which one of the partners wants to discuss things while the other withdraws.
5. Convincing oneself that they are doing a good job of being a good wife or husband while the other feels just the opposite.
6. Dismissing sexual complaints as minor while the spouse fumes over the issue.
Over the years I have met with many separated couples who are willing to come to the office for marriage therapy. In almost all cases one of the partners reports complete shock that their is discontent while the other complains that they repeatedly tried to discuss things but to no avail.
In my experience there are often two major issues that plague a marriage: sex and money. Refusal to admit to one or both of these as being problematic or to argue about them without making any changes, always leads to disaster.
Overall, the spouse who leaves expresses frustrations and that their needs were rarely met despite repeated attempts to have discussions. They complain that they were never listened and feel alienated and extremely angry. Even the anger may come as a surprise to the other spouse.
Finally, I have found that some marriages are slowly dying with only one of the partners being aware of what is happening.
Does this mean that such a marriage is doomed? It does not have to if both husband and wife are willing to put the effort needed to go to marriage therapy and put in the work necessary to maintain a functioning family relationship. This means that accusing the other for all of the problems must be given up so that each admits to sharing in creating and maintaining problems.
Have you found yourself in such a situation? Are you or were you in a relationship that suddenly ended with seemingly no explanation?
Your comments and questions are strongly encouraged.
Allan N. Schwartz, PhD.
Vented frustration? - KW - Sep 17th 2012
I am the one who called an end to our 5 year marriage due to overwhelming frustration. My wife was shocked and completely baffled as she felt we had a great life together. For background, my wife had an emotional affair 3 years into our marriage when things were going fairly well for us. After the shock and upset, we went to counseling. She had recently recovered from a complication filled hysterectomy and I was her caregiver for 6 weeks straight, working from home to see to her needs. The end result of the counseling was for us to work on reconnecting and rekindling the passion to get out of the 'invalid and caregiver' mode the surgery had created. Since that time, she renewed her attendance in a local church, going to 3 services weekly (which I supported, but honestly considered to be over the top considering what had recently happened), but I had to show trust in her. In her absence, I devoted my time to a few hobbies which I used as an escape. We also recognized we were in a rut with work, household chores, etc and planned several romantic vacations to recharge our relationship. I would spontaneously do romantic things (pick her up from work with flowers and reservations for a nice dinner, etc) and in almost every situation after the evening ended, she would simply want to go to bed to sleep! Now, I am not so callous to believe that sex and lovemaking are required - but if these extra efforts were not sparking our relationship, what would?
I tried talking to her (no I am no saint, I can be overly intense and passionate when communicating which is not a good thing) and she would never explain why and what she felt. Her most common complaint about me was my venting about my high stress job and worry that I would divorce her because of the affair (which I did not reference as a lesson learned in the counseling) . When I made a suggestion about a career change, she let me know she did not support my choice, but routinely told me 'we have to find you a new job'. She would tell me she loved me repeatedly, but in the end, my frustration left me few options. I still love her and miss her terribly, and cannot find the closure I need to understand what went wrong. Depressed Husband - Atypical? - Jun 21st 2011
This isn't short, but I will try to be succinct at least... Although my husband and I are not divorced, he did fairly suddenly move into the spare bedroom three months ago and only speaks to me and our two children when he absolutely has to despite working from home. He's told me he doesn't want to be a father and husband anymore, but he also doesn't want to divorce because I'm a stay-at-home mom to our two elementary-aged kids.
This causes expressed in this article have not been the case in my 14-year marriage. I, the 'shocked one,' have always been the one to bring up issues, not frequently as I admit I don't like conflict, but I was always the one willing to talk. He would clam up, leave the room, have nothing to say, etc. Most of his complaints in our marriage were nit-picking rules about how he wanted something done around the house but nothing too over-the-top. Our biggest point of contention was how to discipline our kids. I'm more lenient, he's very strict and critical. He grew up with a hyper-critical, unreasonable mother, so I guess it stuck.
The biggest problem we had leading up to this, besides child discipline, was his work schedule. He was working during the day and a couple of nights a week from home via computer. Over the course of a couple of years it turned into every night. Sometimes he would be up over 24 hours straight. Once he stayed up two entire days and nights with no sleep. While I understood he didn't need me nagging him, I did talk to him about it on several occassions. He didn't seem to think it was abnormal or extreme. And although it is stressful, he enjoys his work. In the mean time, he was pretty non-existent in our family due to 85-hour work weeks and sleeping during the day.
He has seen a psychologist who says he is clinically depressed. He says he can't feel anymore--pleasure, happiness, sorrow that he's emotionally abandoned his family. He has no close friends, plays computer games and reads fantasy novels. That's about it. The psychologist has suggested that he go on medication and start one-on-one therapy before we go into marriage therapy.
So to sum up, I knew something was 'wrong,' but I always thought I was the one who had the problem with him. It never occurred to me that he would do the leaving, not that I had entertained thoughts of leaving him. I'm only guessing, but maybe he feels that what he would have to do to change or get better is so overwhelming to him that he's running away, shutting down. I'm really confused and in typical fashion, he doesn't want to/'can't' discuss it. a 6 year long distance marriage - Annie - Mar 15th 2011
I was in a 6 year long distance marriage. We are both almost 60 years old. He didn't want to move to my state because he liked his business and his state and didn't want to start over anywhere else even though he had me applying for numerous jobs for him in my state. I own a house, have elderly parents who moved to my state to be nearby, and was still raising 2 children at home as a single working mom who had serious issues and during the time I was unable to visit him much, or really put him 1st. I thought we both understood that. Finally, the last of the 4 children left the house for college and I was ready to start our promised future, and I was ready to start visiting him or even move there, he suddenly stated it was too late, the he had gotten used to being alone and didn't want to be in a relationship with a bunch of expectations. That was 6 months ago, I've not heard from him since and he's not even filed for divorce. It's like he's in a second childhood wanting no responsibility. He rents, has no savings (I have plenty and will inherit a fortune), he just likes to go to the beach and surf and play in a rock band in bars. Again, he's 59 years old. Before me he had been married and responsible for 30 years. Since he announced this I was initially shocked, but then just accepted that he must be burned out and maybe he'll regret his decision once he gets tired of being alone. Meanwhile I'm working on myself and finding peace within, but I am a believer in marriage and feel we are both accountable for the sacred vows we made. To me it's like chopping off the head of a teenager once they get hard to manage. You've already made the decision to have the kid, you don't give up just because it's too "hard" or boring or have a rough couple of years where you've disconnected... try re-connecting! I don't want to file for divorce especially without all the information, especially when he is in la la land and wont' even meet with me face to face to see in person whether there could be any attraction and be able to wipe the slate clean and start anew, without any of the obligations and distractions that prevented us from being able to see each other more. He was so infatuated with me the first couple of years and overly did for me and my family. We married quickly because of the strong chemistry and compatibility. He is a conflict avoider though, and refuses to argue or really discuss anything difficult. Any suggestions? And I'm fine... I'm following a spiritual path for myself and keeping busy and socializing with friends and hopefully he will tire of the path he is on right now, one where he doesn't care about anyone or anything, and doesn't want to be accountable or responsible for anything. |