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Basic InformationLatest NewsGrumpy? Depressed? Try a More Regular Sleep ScheduleCold Facts on Avoiding Snow and Ice DangersDrivers May Be Inhaling Dangerous Carcinogens Inside Their CarsAHA News: Watch Your Heart Rate, But Don't Obsess About ItMany U.S. Adults Aren't Getting Healthy Amounts of Fruits, VegetablesPoll Finds Americans Highly Stressed by Politics, PandemicCould Working Outside Help Prevent Breast Cancer?Kiss Chapped Lips Goodbye This WinterAHA News: 5 Things Nutrition Experts Want You to Know About New Federal Dietary GuidelinesLockdowns Might Not Have Long-Term Psychological Effect: StudyAre the Moon's Phases Affecting Your Sleep?AHA News: The Head Is Connected to the Heart – and Can Influence HealthMaybe Money Can Help Buy Happiness, After AllStressed Out By the News? Here's Tips to Help CopeVision Problems? Here's a Guide to Which Specialist Is Right for YouFacebook Posts Big Drivers in Vaccine Resistance, Study FindsGym Closed? You Don't Need Exercise Equipment to Stay Fit, Study Shows'Pandemic Fatigue' Setting in? Here's How to Stay Safe and StrongGot Wanderlust? Travel Makes Folks Happier, Study ShowsTips for Making 2021 a Healthier YearHow to Sleep Better in 2021AHA News: Here's to a Healthy 2021, With Resolutions From Heart DoctorsWhat Loneliness Looks Like in the BrainHow to Guard Against Home Heating HazardsAs Social Media Use Rises, So Does Belief in COVID MisinformationAHA News: Keep Your Holiday Drinking on the Moderate Side With This AdviceLoneliness Continues to Rise for Americans Under LockdownToo Much Social Media Time Could Raise Risk of DepressionWorking From Home Brings Its Own Health Perils: SurveyPets Are Helping Many Americans Get Through LockdownAHA News: The Best Foods for Brain HealthAre You Happy? Your Answer May Depend on Where You LiveBooze Robbing Many Americans of Their SleepJunk Food, Booze Often Star in America's Hit MoviesCoping With Lockdown Loneliness During the HolidaysMany Young Americans Lonely, Depressed During Pandemic: SurveyStay Home This Holiday, CDC and Medical Groups UrgeElection Outcome Hasn't Lowered Americans' Stress Levels: PollWith Cold Weather Forcing Patrons Inside, How Safe Are Restaurants?Are You Feeling 'Pandemic Fatigue'?What the Pandemic Did to WorkoutsBirth Control Pill Won't Raise Depression RiskAHA News: Despite the Pandemic, Keep Social Connections Strong This Holiday SeasonTips to Cope With Lockdown as Cold Weather ArrivesGreen Spaces Do a Heart GoodLiving Healthy Good for Your Heart, Even if You're on MedsWho Are The Loneliest Americans? The Answer May Surprise YouMultivitamins' 'Benefits' Are All in Your Head: StudyDid Your Candidate Lose the Election? Study Finds Depression May FollowThink 'Virtual' for Family Gatherings During the Holidays Blog EntriesYoga For Mental HealthHow Technology is Changing How We RelateThe Realm of Giving and GenerosityMindfulness for Busy PeopleEffective Listening in Small GroupsBelieve It’s Possible3 Ways to Know If You’re Saying Yes Too MuchWords of WisdomWarm Up This Winter By Embracing MistakesHelping Yourself Speak Your TruthWhat is Toxic Shame?What's YOUR Biggest Challenge for the New Year?Navigating Life's ChallengesImproving the Quality of Life as We AgeThe Third Noble Truth – The Noble Truth of the End of SufferingThe Second Noble Truth – The Noble Truth of the Cause of SufferingWhy Are We So Busy?The First Noble Truth – The Noble Truth of SufferingDiscovering Your Best Personal-Professional Energy: Reconnecting with Your Spiritual Homeland - Part IIDiscovering Your Best Personal-Professional Energy: In the Context of Health, Aging & Time - Part IGive Yourself a Break!Get a Better Night's SleepChanging the Machinery of UpsetWhy We Lie to OurselvesToo Much PretendingExcuses, ExcusesA Mistake Is but an Error: An Ironic-Poetic Odyssey for Human Authenticity and Audacity 9 Clever Ways to Gain ConfidenceUnderstanding Human BehaviorEmotional Needs - More Subtle and Sensible Than You Think Thought Versus RealityLife Goals and the Perception of Time: Do It Now!The Myth of Emotional SecurityHow Emotionally Intelligent Are You?Being at Peace with the Pain of OthersCelebrating Transitions in This Season of ChangeThinking and BeliefsWhat Will You Do With the Rest of Your Life? 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Grow a Key Inner StrengthFive Tips to Make You More SuccessfulAre You a People-Pleaser?Evolutionary Neurobiology of ShameIs Laughter Really the Best Medicine?Whose Decision is It Anyway?What is the Mind?Getting the Respect You DeserveVolunteering in Later Life: Rewarding or Stressful?What Is Mindful Presence?How to Say No to People You Care AboutAre Your Needs Getting Met?Key Points of Letting GoDiscovering Love in the Face of Imminent DeathFeel WholeEmpathy: Your Most Potent Skill For Building Closer RelationshipsWould You Let a Crowd Diagnose You?Intention of HarmlessnessWeak and StrongThe Art of Letting GoGames and Manipulation: The Games People PlayU.S. Army's Wounded Warrior Program Aims for Multifaceted WellnessRight IntentionWhat Do Running And Knitting Have in Common? 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A One-In-Several-Billion ShotLet Things ChangeQuestions To Live ByFive Ways to See a Problem in a New LightAccept Them as They AreThree Components of a Commitment: A Universal ToolThe Long Term Consequences of Being BulliedBe Smarter than Your SmartphoneAccept ItHistory Shows that Exercise Boosts MoodMake a Difference Grow Inner StrengthsMeaning Depends Upon Context, Egos Make Up All the Meanings & the Context of All That's Real is Being Aware of Awareness ItselfPossible Direct Control - Staying on the Playing FieldMust You Win an Argument and Lose a Friend?Enjoy Four Kinds of PeaceLive Longer By Believing You WillWhat Do You "Have To" Do in Life?Posture and How it Changes Your FeelingsThe Five Businesses and an Inner Meter on Manipulation What You Look for Is What You Get: Learn 5 Ways To Change Your LookingOffending Rules, Bending Rules and Upending Rulers While Defending the Rule of LifeFree Yourself from Self SabotageIntroversion Gaining the Respect It DeservesEmbrace Your Introverted SelfTo Escape the Box, Embrace ParadoxA Better Way to Get Healthy Habits to StickTaming Our Inner DialogueSeeing Three Domains - Illusory, Empirical World, and AbsoluteThe Pros and the Cons of Cosmetic Surgery from a Psychologist's ViewpointHow to Cultivate GratitudeMotivation: What to do When You Don't Feel ItWhen Nostalgia is a Good ThingBeing Presence Itself - Enliven the Quality of Your LifeRelationships and the Meaning of CourageThe Power of Witnessing: How Would a Fish Know It is in Water?The Visionary Emperor EncounterSeeing Through the Unreal, Reveals Purely What is RealGet Out of the War10 Ways to Stick to an Exercise ProgramDealing with LiarsWant to Change Careers? 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What is Natural Happiness?Drop the LoadSleeping, Eating & Gaming, Oh My: The Blood Sugar-Blood Pressure-Out for Blood TriangleHow to Create Great Personal GoalsChoice - Level III: The "Will" without a Willful Doer ChoosesYou Can Always Begin AgainWhat Makes People Happy?Essential Steps to Self-Forgiveness and Overcoming GuiltChoice - Level II: Developing a Workable Structure For ChoiceHow Exercise can Change the World: Discovering your Hidden SelfThe Mozart Effect: Fact or Fiction?Choice - Level I: Seeing Through Obstacles to Living by ChoiceWhat Defines a Successful Life?Nurture HappinessBe GenerousFeelings Are Authentic and Valid — Perceptions and Beliefs Are SuspectPractice Being Here24/7 SPEED/Resiliency Shrink Rap™:Safe Stress Survival StrategiesThe Importance of Feeling SafeAre Good Surprises Ever Harmful?Accept Dependence Your Diet Affects Brain Function, New Study ShowsFind Greatness in Yourself Can Stress Make You Fat?How Negative Energy Effects Adults, Teenagers and Children: What We Can Do To Change itCritical Thinking is Not Critical, Just Looking for Truth & Reality: The Heart of Asking Questions That Reveal "What Is"On Becoming More Perceptually Objective, Empathic and Accurate: Or Getting Your Head Out of the Clouds of Negative Assumptions and Premature JudgmentsChange How You Think and Change Your LifeBeing an Outstanding Steward of Life Itself — What We Can Learn From Animals The Art of HappinessA Virtual Mindfulness World in the MakingHealthy Feeling ProcessingAre Emotions a Choice?Personal Identity: Meanings over Memories Give Them What They WantHow Social Norms Affect Our DecisionsThe Power of Personal BoundariesBuild Self-TrustHave Your Ethics Slipped? Recognize Suffering in OthersThe Sixteen Laws of Emotions: Recognizing Moods and Emotions to Return to Healthy Feeling ProcessingWhy Time Management is So YesterdayTo Stabilize Weight and Improve your Self-Esteem, Research Shows the HAES Approach Is a Winner! “Let’s Just Wait and Watch It” — Let’s NOT! The Mentality of “If It Ain’t Broke, Don’t Fix It” Can Kill You3 Days to Prime a HabitTransform Ill WillHospitals Take Notice of Bedside Manner - FinallySocial Isolation May Affect Mortality More Than Simply Feeling Lonely Ego Can Be a Superb Servant and a Tyrannical Master: Recognize Four Functions of EgoCultivate Good WillHow Giving to Others Can Improve Your MoodCome to CenterKids, Cupcakes, and Guns: How Our Cognitive Distortions Suffocate Our ChildrenProtecting Your Brain: New Research Points the WaySister Jean is a Picture of Wellness at 93 Years “Good Enough” Isn’t Even CloseMake Good BargainsThe Lure of FacebookMediterranean Diet May Benefit Your Noggin as Well as Your HeartHow Does Exercise Improve Mental Health? It's ComplicatedWill's Five Dynamic Laws of the UniverseThe Final Five "N & N" Tools and Techniques for Saying "No" (and Meaning It) - Part IIIDo You Believe in Miracles?Why Self-Compassion Trumps Self-EsteemBe Kind to Yourself: You Just Might Age BetterTaking It Easy Can Actually Boost Your ProductivitySocial Traps and Beyond: The Situation is Hopeless But Not Serious"N & N" - No & Negotiate - Tools and Techniques for Saying "No": Establishing Priorities, Setting Limits, and Solving Problems - Part IIThe Greater the Effort, the Sweeter the Reward (and the Harder the Loss)Speak TrulyRewiring a More Balanced Brain Have You Lost Your Sense of Wonder?Integrative Health Care: The Prince of Wales is Right on the MoneyThe Greatest Barrier and Passageway to Effective Communication at Work: “You”!Does Emotion Help or Hurt Your Performance?Why Is It Hard to "Just Say 'No'"?: Ten Barriers to Asserting Your Individuality, Intentionality, and Integrity - Part IMindfulness Research Makes Us Take a Deep BreathBenefits of Meditation and How to Get StartedHow Does Your Income Determine Your Well-Being?Own Being Responsible? — Absolutely, Make Others Responsible? — You Must Be Kidding!Facebook and Emotional Well-Being: Three Ways to Keep Things PositiveLived by LoveWant A Mental Health Boost? 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Spread It OutDon't QuarrelIs Lack of Sleep Hurting Your Health?Attention Restoration Theory: Was Thoreau onto Something?Why Can't I Stick to My New Year's Resolutions?In These Heart Breaking Times, Remember: We Are The Other.Message for 2013: The Beauty of CompassionWellness Resolutions for the New Year5 Tips on How to Keep New Years' ResolutionsTrust in LoveDo You Seek Happiness?Twenty Ways to Promote Peace in Our WorldTrust the Teacher WithinMake a DifferenceHoliday Blues? 9 Tips to Cope with Holiday Depression Bruce Springsteen in Concert: What Life Lessons Does He Teach Us?Open Your Eyes and Alleviate the Winter BluesOne Breath at a TimeA Caring Request to Keep Your Feet (and ALL of your toes) on the GroundThe Intricate Ties between Depression and InsecurityLean into Good on First WakingDo You Eat at Café Gratitude or Bitter Bistro? 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Making Personal Health Decisions Must Remain PersonalPurpose, Purpose, PurposeSpeak WiselyBe Sure to Taste Your WordsFeeling Bad about Being SadCultivating Patience in Everyday LifeUnexpected Causes of TirednessSee Life from an Infant's EyesNew and Old Friendships Alike Help Us Age Successfully6 Ways Mindfulness Can Improve Your Daily Life Drop the "Shoulds"If You're Happy and You Know It…Wag Your Tail?How to be Wise About FearLet It R.A.I.N.Why I Love Rock 'n' Roll: Healing Music for the SoulThe Art of RoutineWays We Think That Can Make or Break Us - Part 2Insisting on Fairness & Justice is a Recipe For Conflict, Misery & SufferingAre You Blind? He Said...Put the "I" in IndependenceWays We Think That Can Make or Break Us - Part 1Find Your Own WayThe Brain in Your GutHow Our Brains Adapt to Trust and BetrayalTech Support to Help Us Count Our BlessingsThe Risk and Reward of Emotional Agility: How to Know When to Let GoChoose Beginner’s MindAre Compassion and Pride Mutually Exclusive?Garbage Detection and Brilliance SpottingCan You Predict Your Emotional Future?What You Need to Know About Generation XhaustedWake Up to Good NewsWhat We Can Learn from Our KidsBehold the SuperAgers!Change the ChannelMental Health First Aid: A New Concept Helping CommunitiesFind ConnectionBottom-Up or Top-Down? How We Generate EmotionsFind StillnessThe Thoughts that Hold Us Back - And What to Do About Them"Off With Their Heads!"—Danger! Danger! Guillotiners Ahead! - Identifying and Protecting Yourself From Expediency-Driven Guillotiners4 Steps to ForgivenessForgiveEnjoy the Little ThingsAn Interview with Margaret Moore, B.S., M.B.A., on Organize Your Mind, Organize Your LifeCultivating Everyday Spiritual ExperiencesMinimize Painful ExperiencesConscientiousness and a Happier, Longer LifeTraining the Self-Care HabitFriends And MarriageRelax, You've ArrivedHow to Be Emotionally Aware - No Cat Ears RequiredHappiness, Sandwiches and George CarlinPeeling the Onion—Uncovering Our Wounds in TherapyHugging is Good MedicineHold Wants LightlySelf-Advocacy vs. Hypochondria: Where Do We Draw the Line?Trust Yourself and Take Some Baby StepsA Unified Theory of Happiness: Interview with Andrea Polard Psy.D.Why Support is Important for Dealing with Food, Weight + Body Image Issues Let It GoRule-Bound Adjustment is Deadening - Rule-Flexible Adaptiveness is EnliveningRest Your Weary HeadInclining Your Mind to Happiness: Just 5 ThingsThe Importance of Family Pets, Grieving the Loss of my Best Friend, Bonnie Exercise: Building the "Can Do" MuscleOur Obsession with "More"When Does Vicarious Trauma (VT) Become a Sign of Codependency? - Part IIGenerativity as a Path to WellnessWhy You Just Can't Stop Texting and DrivingGift YourselfWhen Does Vicarious Trauma (VT) Become a Sign of Codependency? - Part ICultivating Resilience before Mental Health Problems BeginA Mindful and Compassionate Approach to Anger in RelationshipsThe Essence of Healing, Governing, Service, Judgment and ContributionCreate Peace in YourselfThe Protective Effect of Having a Purpose in LifeEnjoy NowAre Mental Health Apps the New Generation of Self-Help Books?The Downside of ExpectationsIs Hating Someone Because They are Different a Mental Illness?Find What's SacredThich Nhat Hanh Shares Some Good NewsComplacency, Apathy and Resignation Be Banished and TransformedSuccessfully Negotiating the Crisis-Trauma, Grief-Transition Passage: Six Emo-Existential Questions The Benefits of Self-Questioning Part OneClean Air = Clear Thinking (Or How Pollution Undermines Cognitive Health)Having Trouble Exercising? Cultivate a Mindful HabitAvoid the RushMore Evidence That Staying Active is Good for the BrainSpring Cleaning for Your Social NetworkLessons Learned from Almost Dying: A Personal JourneySteps Back are Not Setbacks: Finding Solid Ground Can Be EssentialBridging the International Corporate Geo-Cultural Divide or Presenter Beware and Buyer Be AwareDefining Your Own Spiritual PathBeing Kind to Your Body is Healing to the MindTo Trust or Mistrust - Part IFind Your North StarChange Your Body, Change Your Mind Being Positional, Non-Positional and Taking a StandMen are from Earth and so are WomenMultidimensional Wellness: Powerful Concept and Practical ToolCling Less, Love MoreFollow Your Dreams Start Feeling Joy Now!What Can I Do? The Seven Options Available For You In Any SituationBe Grateful for the Good and Graceful During the BadIn Challenging Times, No More “Inner Child”: Boldly Bring Your Inner ChutzpahPay AttentionThree Components of a Commitment: A Universal ToolWhen Calmness is a Trigger for Fear and How to Change itRetraining Your Brain Toward Greater FreedomThe Grammar of Committed Action: Speaking That Brings Forth BeingThe Strength and Stamina of Your Willpower Make a Valentine's ResolutionAn Interview with Gerti Schoen on The Gentle SelfThe Secret Ingredient to Making Change StickBe BenevolentWhen is Compassion Idiotic?Inspiring Power and Partnership: An Interactive and Interdependent PerspectiveCatch A "Wild Pitch?" You Must Be Kidding!Breaking Bad Habits Using The Now EffectDon't Beat Yourself UpAre Reasons Complete Nonsense? A Three-Minute Course Admit Fault and Move OnPositivity in Relationships is ContagiousA Simple Life Lesson for Us All: The Late Shirley LevineAn Interview with Brenda Knight on The Gratitude Power WorkbookPut Yourself on Your Priority ListCan You Live Without the Internet?It's Shocking How Little People Settle For, How Much They Put Up With and How Much Better They Deserve5 Tips on How to Keep New Years' ResolutionsElisha Goldstein’s Top 10 2011 Mental Help PostsBe the BodyA Tip for Happiness: Turn Routine into WonderHoliday Blues and Depression Single and Alone for the Holidays? 6 Strategies for Surviving and Even Thriving the Holidays AloneWithdraw Attention, Interest and Feeding Unhappy Thoughts,and Natural Happiness Arises and BlossomsBack to BasicsKnowledge is an Obstacle to KnowledgeEnjoy Every Last SandwichThe Impact of Exercise on Your Mental HealthSee the Good in OthersThis Thanksgiving Try the Mindful Gratitude PracticeWant a Healthier Life? The Mindful DietStart Now: 3 Steps to Success in the New YearThis Holiday Give Yourself and Your Partner the Gift of your PresenceBe FriendlyPattern Recognition: A Key to Success in Doing Anything WellWho is the One with Mental Illness?Know You're a Good PersonJohn's Story: A Critical Reminder to Us AllStep into the Clouds: Relieving StressThe Mindful Freudian SlipThe Renew Your Life ChallengeDo You Ever Recover from Emotional Pain? The Answer is YesThe Architecture of All Change ProcessesSee Beings, Not BodiesDrop Tart ToneThe Top Seven Sources of Stress and Their RemediesLower the PressureReceive GenerosityBasics of Living: Breathing, Standing, Walking and Sitting: Safeguards of Well Being and Listening WithinAn Acronym that Guides us to Mental HealthBalancing Joining and Separation Keeping It Real — Do You Get It?You Can Feel Safer: Is There Really a Tiger in Those Bushes?Your Primary Spiritual Relationship - Love for YourselfAn Interview with Lama Tsering Everest21 Ways To Turn Ill Will to Good WillGROKKED: Being Seen, Heard and Known For Who You AreA Phrase to Save Your DayHow Did Humans Become Empathetic?Am I Normal?Dreams: More Than Fantasies and WishesThe Wolf of Hate7 Mindfulness and Psychotherapy Posts You Might Find InterestingSelf-Responsibility/Self-Accountability Qualifies You as an AdultTaking in The GoodAcknowledgment Transcends Pride and HumilityAltruism: The Power of Social MediaHealthy FriendshipCan you Improve Life Satisfaction by Changing Your Focus?Video Blog: Confidence3 Steps to Say Goodbye to Old Beliefs that Keep You StuckThe Brain in a Bucket Developing An Inner Meter on Manipulation — A Critical Life SkillFacebook: A Cold Hard LookLife: Bringing Back the Missing Puzzle PiecesWhy Do Smart and Successful People Do Dumb and Self-Sabotaging Things?What's Your 500 Year Plan for Humanity's Mental Health?My Beef with the "Secret"Beliefs, Roles and Stories Can Be Useful At Times or Create Suffering: Recognition, Disillusionment, Disidentification & Surrender is Freedom Itself Want to Make Change? 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Consider this Strategy TodayPrime Your Mind for GoodDid You Know? Some Surprising Data about Stress Can Increased Light Make You Fat? Your Mind: A Blessing and a CurseAn Expert Interview with Darrin Zeer on Managing Work Stress Lessons Learned: Like Bridges Burned?Can How you Eat Change What you Eat and What you Weigh?9 Ways Mindfulness Can Change Your LifeHow Lucky Are You?Musical Inspiration to Open to the Possibilities of Life 10 Ways To Finish The Race With The Bear On Your Back!"So What's the Point?" Help with Finding the Answers... New Research: Mindfulness and Adolescent Boys Change Your Mind, Your Brain and Your Life! 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Needless: You Can Have Almost Anything You Want(So Long As You Don't Need It!)Will Joel Friedman, Ph.D. Updated: Jan 24th 2011"I have no money, no resources, no hopes. I am the happiest man alive!" —Henry Miller
"As long as you want power, you can't have it. The minute you don't want power, you'll have more than you ever dreamed possible." —Ram Dass
At a couples seminar by spiritual teachers and married partners Adyashanti and Mukti, Adya shared a powerful interaction early on in their relationship. Apparently they were attending a spiritual growth seminar together and after some interaction and a clear indication of mutual attraction was evident, Mukti approached Adya. Reportedly she mentioned how she found him attractive and liked being around him. She then told him, "I don't need you." Adya found this comment remarkable, being even more drawn to her. How come? Adya figured if Mukti didn't need him, then he was at little risk of her sinking any hooks into him, and both were free to want and be with each other. Being needless of him, he also could be needless of her, and both he and her could honestly want to be with each other.
Needs or attachments, whether in the form of should, must, got to, or have to, push away the very experience you are drawn to, want, desire and envision. The ego's relentless grasping, clinging and needing to get somewhere, or to have some experience, feeling or material thing, pushes it far, far away. Not so much fun. Seeking demands grasping, often sabotaging life working and producing only drama, misery and suffering. Do you really want to work that hard? And for what exactly? You must be joking.
There would be no point to desire what you already have; you would only bask and dwell in thankfulness, gratitude and appreciation for everything you are so blessed to already be enjoying. At the same time, wanting what you already have is a recipe for happiness and contentment. Actually this sounds rather inviting. It will cost you one imaginary, continually dissatisfied ego-mind. Yours, in fact.
More typically, you desire what you think you do not already have, what you're lacking or have misplaced or lost, that is, disowned parts or aspects of yourself, which you can always take back and make peace with inside of you. For example, if you don't think you know how to say "No" and set limits or have the support, good models and strength to set limits, then you might very well think you need to develop this ability and skill set. Precisely here is the gap between your current state of affairs and what your ego-mind says you want, would like and need to have, and so typically follows an edge of frustration, unhappiness and dissatisfaction. What else?
The way out of the desire or attachment trap is for you first to attune within to being who you truly are and engage in specific actions in accord with your True Self, and then for this being and congruent doing to be identical with what you are called or beckoned to be and inclined to do. Taking the same example of setting limits, once you have learned to say "No" and how to set limits, there is no gap, and thus no neediness. Strangely enough, the very act of setting limits itself is needless. Perhaps this helps us understand how competent, timely actions tend to close the mouth of the ego—there simply is no gap between what you envision and what you so create here-and-now. What is created was already within you ready to tap whenever you turned here with some modeling, support and shaping of this behavior and accompanying attitude. So doing the actions that your mind says you lack or need, in one fell swoop you end that pressured, prescriptive and even desperately needy conversation from hell and return to being needless as you naturally are. This is way too simple, and quite effective. Go figure?!
There is nothing needy about being human and having desires, only in being attached to them. While food, water, shelter and clothing usually are considered needs, and all these seem to ring as true, does that mean you need to be needy in approaching them? If it is attachment that creates the suffering, then do you need either? How much longer do you need to be attached and suffer? Does the needy attachment and suffering serve a useful purpose, other than to see what doesn't work? Had enough yet?
In seeing through the ego-mind, only the authentic liberated Self, who desires and needs nothing since it already is and has everything, remains. Without seeking anything, there is no need to grasp. Without holding agendas, there is no disappointment. Without having any goals, there is no frustration. Without seeking, agendas and goals, now we can envision our lives functioning beautifully in equanimity, a harmonious serenity with minimal if any emotional reactivity. Isn't the vision of life working in this moment coupled with doing your level best moment by moment enough? Obviously there may be times worth developing a little bit of a plan for how life unfolds, whether it is with doing a project, having a vacation or designing retirement for example. Doing each lightly and briefly in the present is enough. If anything further only creates the push of neediness and all that results, is it worth it?
Do we ever fall in love with our life mate while actively pursuing the goal of finding a life mate? This usually translates into following your ego-mind with its seeking and desiring, its agendas and goals. Rarely does it pan out in reality, if ever. In fact, usually the harder you push, manipulate and scheme, the more the goals appear unattainable in the empirical world. Come to a banker with desperation and neediness for a loan and just see what a welcoming reception you receive. Not! Yet ask a banker to loan you any amount of money, and lo it almost certainly does happen, so long as you don't need it. With plenty of collateral, bankers will make loans all day, since it is only "found money" at virtually no risk. What about the two laws that Hollywood and stardom operate by: 1) don't be desperate; and 2) don't be needy. Both of these laws of the entertainment business point to remaining non-grasping and needless.
Recognize for yourself times of being needy, clingy, grasping and desperate. What were the results of acting from this cognitive-emotional-behavioral lack and scarcity? In seeing and shedding needing anything, you're blessed and free to pause, watch, and hear, opening up the space to reflect, see and listen. It is in this context of receptive Being that you can envision, declare and create, and so manifest, actualize and receive every moment, all without the slightest bit of grasping neediness.
When we experience Original Nature in the flow of living an earthly dream, the universe, if you will, seems happy to contribute to us in every possible way. Ironic, isn't it? You can become a magnet for prosperity, relationships, intimacy, and joy, so long as you don't need, grasp or cling to them. In fact, you can have just about anything possible in life, as long as you don't need it. Sage Ramakrishna noted, "When the flower blooms, the bees come uninvited." Spiritual teacher Bhagwan Shree Rajsneeh, also known as Osho, knew this in the title of a book: The Grass Grows By Itself. Similarly, the sun rises all by itself every day, even as we can learn to be needless, accept Love and stop pushing away our Good.
To seek and need anything in order to find or gain something, whether you are successful or not, is endlessly to be disappointed, dissatisfied and unfulfilled. Within an agenda, all made up by the ego-mind, there will always be something else, further and more to seek or find. Alexander Pope once observed, "Blessed is the man who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed." Only when you fully realize that what cannot be sought or found is already within you, does the cycle mercifully end.
When you seek for what is unfindable, you may one day discover what you have been seeking for has always been right here and now—who you truly are. What cannot be found cannot be lost—it always was! What is real cannot be lost and what is unreal never existed in the first place. Many famous spiritual stories depict this discovering and recognizing that what you seek is already yours, like looking for glasses that are on the top of your head, searching for a necklace that is around your neck, and seeking a diamond that is in your pocket. The Zen tradition gives the illustrations of looking for spectacles that are on your nose as well as looking for an ox when you are riding on the back of one.
Since no one knows anything about the so-called future, realize and see for yourself that fear is purely the delusion of some negative outcome occurring in the fictive future, while hope is only a similar delusion of some positive result happening in the imaginary future. Both phantoms and polarities of fear and hope seem to inevitably lead to disappointment, given the results of daily living often are not anticipated or expected. Without the imposters of fear or hope, Life lives in flowing appreciative grace.
In the spaceless, timeless flow of non-attachment or being needless, you can honestly declare, speaking as "I" of Original Nature: "I want nothing, I need nothing, I desire nothing, I seek for nothing and I am nothing. I surrender security, I surrender money, I surrender sex, I surrender power, I surrender pleasure, I surrender glory, and I surrender pride. I surrender sacrifice; I surrender suffering. I even surrender surrendering. I surrender everything in life—affirmative, joy-filled service to one and all, in love to everyone and everything." Is this asking too much in freely receiving the full bounty life offers?
In my experience, eventually, everything good is offered us and nothing good is denied us by our Beloved. As Martin Luther King, Jr. declared: "The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice." There may well be logistics and factors we know nothing about, and sometimes what happens seems to be beyond anyone's control, when life appears to take it sweet time and it just doesn't quite work yet. At the same time, with perseverance, patience, intelligent judgment and moving our feet in consistently taking savvy essential actions, it is simply dazzling just how much of life can work on a win-win basis or for the good of everyone, including for us.
Say it as often as you will: You can have just about anything you want so long as you don't need it. Let's get real about this, shall we? No it's highly unlikely you will fly by flapping your arms or someone will knock on your door and offer you your dream job. More realistically, even when you give your 100 percent and do it with smartly, this does not guarantee success. Also there are windows of opportunity in life and throughout the life span. Great mathematicians crest early in life, athletes' careers are often quite time-limited and those espousing wisdom are usually older. There is some slippage if your vision is not possible in reality, since one cannot help factoring in water being wet and rocks being hard.
Pigs simply don't dance, sing or fly, and that's just the way it is with pigs. Reality is just that—reality.
Even given all these above practical and statistical realities, being needless is a great leg up for every one. Instead of starting with having, then doing to get to being, how about beginning with Being, then doing, and having naturally follows. Here are some clear examples. Instead of following the ego-mind's backwards agenda that you must first have something (e.g., time, money, energy, education) in order to do something (e.g., get a job, launch a new enterprise, create a beautiful relationship) so you can be what you want (e.g., rich, successful, in a great relationship), the opportunity being needless affords is to first be who you truly are (e.g., True Self, whole and complete free of all clinging neediness), then express this in doing (e.g., follow your heart, love and Muse), that naturally yields results in having (e.g., enjoy/love life, relationships, career and rewards).
So the real question is this: are you willing in attitude, words and actions to completely, authentically surrender all your envisioned needy attachments to be needless? What freedom! It's yours for the creating in this precious moment, the only time that actually exists, as life continually unfolds.
While we're alive every one of us is freely given nearly endless opportunities to be needless. If the truth is you are already on solid ground within who you truly are, and this cannot be lost since it is your true identity, then what do you have to lose? Or is it you have everything to gain by exploring and actualizing your full creative expression in being needless? Is this a beautiful enough vision worth your bringing to life? The answers are obvious: your life as lived moment by moment by moment by moment.
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