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Ask Anne: Relationship AdviceAsk Anne:
Relationship Questions

Finally have a stable marriage, but having sex problems

I have had many dysfunctional relationships in the past. I am 41 and am married for the third time. My first 2 marriages were short, but I kept in contact over the years with both men. For a long time, I thought it was me who was the problem and so I was chasing them down to make it right.

In the past I have been an enabler and have been the one supporting the household. I wasn't able to depend on a man in past relationships. In most of them I took what I could get which was a sexual relationship without commitment. I was lonely and I guess it worked because they weren't going to commit so there was no chance that they could hurt me or so I thought. Even in a sexual relationship with no commitment you still form a bond and get attached.

Anyway, I met this wonderful man. We have been married for 6 months. He is stable and loving and more then I could ever ask for and I love him. We are friends and we are a lot alike and he takes good care of me. We have been together totally for 2 years and during that time we have not had a lot of sex. Some of that was due to his Diabetes struggles in the beginning. It was really nice to be with somebody and it wasn't all about sex. But for some reason, I don't want to have sex with him. I don't feel sexual. Part of it might be that it is all the new stuff going on; new marriage, new house; things actually working out for the first time in my life. Also, I'm not working right now. Work has sort of defined me in the past. Work is all I had really before

We both want kids. Maybe it is my age, I don't know, but I feel kind of broken or something. Part of me doesn't think I deserve this man or this marriage. It is hard to relax and just enjoy my life. I guess I am waiting for something to go wrong. Maybe if I give myself totally I feel somehow it will all fall apart. If I start working again I won't be able to give my all at work and at home. I don't know. We both want kids and I am 41 and have never had any. The gynecologist said we should have more sex and try to start a family sooner then later. Now I feel even more pressure. My husband is very patient but he has needs and I need to snap out of this. I am constantly worried and stressed and I need to snap out of it. Because I want to have that sexual connection, that intimacy. I guess I am kinda rambling. Any ideas or suggestions sure would help me. Thank You.



  • 'Anne' is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
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