My partner and I have been together almost 10 years now, which may as well be a century in lesbian terms. We have a great relationship. Don’t get me wrong we have our ups and down like everyone else; even had some really big downs, but we’ve always managed to work it out. There is only one issue that keeps rearing its ugly head. I don’t like sex.
Don’t get me wrong, sex feels wonderful when I have it. I don’t have any long-standing issues with sex. I’ve always been very open-minded and experimental, but it seems the older I get, the less I want to do it. My partner is the first person I’ve ever been with where I didn’t have to fake an orgasm. I think she is sexy and fun and when I do finally give in and “just do it” I have a great time.
My only complaint is that it takes SO LONG for me to reach orgasm. My orgasms are fantabulous! But it takes a long time (like 1 hour +) and a lot of hard work on both our parts to make it happen. Because of this, no matter how great it is, I just don’t feel like doing it! It’s gotten to the point where if she even mentions it, I groan to myself (not out loud) and want to roll my eyes and huff and puff. I just don’t want to. It has created a very large wall between us, like the white elephant in the room. It’s always there hanging over our heads. She always wants it, I always don’t. She doesn’t understand how someone could dislike doing something so great and to be honest, I have to agree with her. It is great, so why don’t I like to do it? Am I just that lazy? It bothers me badly and makes me depressed and defensive, but I just haven’t found a solution.
We’ve tried staying apart for months at a time on purpose just to take the pressure off. We’ve tried new and interesting and sometimes “kinky” things to try and get the momentum going. We’ve talked and cried and every time I think it’s going to change, and it does for a week or two, but then I just get tired of it again. Is this totally unheard of? What’s wrong with me? I am hoping that you or someone out there has heard of this before and might have some tips.
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