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Ask Anne: Relationship AdviceAsk Anne:
Relationship Questions

Is She Playing Hard to Get?

My problem is not easy to describe, but another viewpoint would be most useful, as I find it most troublesome. I have worked at this company for the last 18 years, and have been married for 20 years. Although I have been attracted to other women over the years, I have remained steadfastly true to my wife and our marriage. I find that I am a sensitive and intuitive person. I often pick up feelings from people that other people don't see. This one woman has been working at the same company for about 12 years (I think), and although I'd noted her attractiveness years ago, I thought nothing of it and it passed from my mind. That is until early last spring. I drive a commuter van and wait by the front door for the rest of my riders. One day she passed by and one of my more vocal riders noted how nice she looked (quietly with the windows closed), and I concurred. Within a few days of that she was walking by our van with her friend on a regular basis, and being obvious in terms of looking in the van, and then laughing and talking to her friend. The whole thing made me feel uncomfortable. Strangely though, I felt the need to meet her, so I placed myself in places that I knew she would be in. The startled reaction and looks that I got made me again feel uncomfortable, and I decided not to continue this activity. Unfortunately, I was requested to fix an air conditioning problem in her area, and I was forced to work there for about an hour. As I track the problem, I realized that the origin is right above her desk. I get concerned, but luckily she leaves, and I work quickly to find the problem, leave the ladder there, and call the maintenance guy (union) to fix it. He's at lunch, so I go have mine, and then go back to meet him to show him the problem. He didn't show up, so I decide to go downstairs to the credit union to check on my account. As I'm going down the stairs she passes by the bottom of the stairs going in the direction of the credit union. I wanted to give her space, so I walk about 20-25 feet in the other direction, do a 180, and head towards the credit union. She goes around a very blind corner just before the union, and as I approach, I here her friend say "what are you doing?" and she say's "wait a minute." I began thinking, "what am I going to do?" As I approach the corner she peaks around, and jumps back about 3-4 feet. She says something to me like "what do you want?!". I, dying of embarrassment, go quickly into the credit union. Strange looks and other minor things have been regularly occurring over the months when we cross paths, and I become quite stressed over the whole matter. I think she has something against me, or is really bothered by me. It finally got to the point after another pass by my van with only me in it (last night) that I though I should stop the process in its tracks. The next morning I sent her an email asking if she had any issues or concerns with me that she would like addressed. I also noted that I would not send another note. I would be horrified to be accused of harassment. Anyway she phoned about 1/2 hour later and expressed dismay, and says she doesn't even know of me. I agree to go and talk to her, and she has no memory of the incidents I talked about here, and can't understand what I'm talking about. I very specifically relate the simple, strange happening at the van last night, and she says "I thought you were someone else, and wondered to my friend why you didn't seem very friendly, and my friend said that you weren't the right person." We ended up deciding that I was oversensitive, and she said she likes to have fun, and is a "little loopy" - in her terms. The phone rang with an important phone call, and I left. Now for the problem. I am beginning to wonder if I'm going nuts, or if she doesn't want to admit to anything when confronted directly. Could I have misread things so much!? If so, how can I avoid it in the future?



  • 'Anne' is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
  • 'Anne' bases her responses on her personal experiences and not on professional training or study. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only.
  • Anne intends her responses to provide general information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
  • Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
  • No correspondence takes place.
  • No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by 'Anne' to people submitting questions.
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  • Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.

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