A young man has been helping us with heavy jobs weekly for five years. In that time we established a trust and a friendship, had fun and flirtations, and he would drop in often and be invited to stay--as ours is a warm and loving household. Two years ago we began a lovers relationship that was fun, exciting, and content. He spontaneously would reiterate conversations he had with friends about how he was happy. However, this young, mature, driven, man is also far above others in his ways, and he has a plan to marry have children etc. He felt that it was wrong to be dating me (we were together 4 out of 7 nights - slept together, vacations, holidays...), because I didn't fit his plan. I am 14 years older and have young children. In spite of my age he was never embarrassed to be out with me, tried new adventures willingly, seemed content and very happy (in spite of a somewhat pessimistic attitude). He gave me a lovely ring for my birthday, took me out with his brother and friend (and seemed elated and protective). Our intimate life was outstanding and full of energy. He broke it off a year ago now - although we have gotten together a couple times after that. I am heartbroken. He was the love of my life. I miss him. I have written and called, and he has completely cut off all contact, runs from me, says hateful things, says contradictory things. He knows I am caring, and have had tragedies; I don't want this to be another. He has resisted so hard, and I have tried to get back with him and diffuse his anger at me. Help me to understand this. On one hand I feel like he loves me, but can't deal with it. On the other hand, it's been a year of nastiness and deep pain, and he doesn't seem to care. He has bought a house and has an unlisted phone - I know because of me. I am devastated, getting counseling and antidepressants, but it is the most important thing to me because he is the love of my life. He has gone from tender and caring to hateful and mean, and turned me into a stranger.
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