I am a 22 year old woman who just finished her graduation and was the first in her class. I am in love with a man who is a great person who everyone just loves as he is practical and emotionally balanced. This is the good part. My parents are orthodox in their outlook. They will not allow a marriage outside the caste, religion, state. When I tried telling my mom about my feelings, she went into depression and even tried to kill herself. Whenever I try(and I mean 'try', not even mentioning anything, just speaking generally about inter caste/religion/state marriages) to put the idea to her, she just goes quiet and has sleepless nights. My father, I thought would be more understanding, but he turned out quiet the opposite. He even had plans to get my boyfriend killed. He threatened me and told me to cut contacts with him. I am usually asked to stay at home most of the times. I hardly go out. Recently I underwent a phase of nervous breakdown and that has affected me a lot. I find myself very weak and tired and tense. I have shivering sessions occasionally. Now I cant even look at my dad, I hate the very sight of his and i cant stand his presence near me that i get reminded of the breakdown. I have to tell my parents somehow that I cannot think about any other man but my boy friend and that i would marry no one but him. But i am unable to say or do anything. My career is down in the dumps as I don't have a job(which was again spoiled as my parents did not want me to attend interviews). I live under a lot of restrictions, which was put because my brother went to the US for studying when he was real young as he couldn't get along with my parents. I ended up paying the price for that all my life and i was happy to sacrifice. But just this once, i want to have a choice of my own and marry my boy friend. His family is ready and are waiting for my parents to agree. I do not know how to cope with this. Everyday I feel I should end my life, as in front of all the people who are congratulating me and praising me for my performance, telling my parents how lucky they are to have a daughter like me, here is the true me, who is broken, and lost...thinking of ending her life... I just do not know what to do.. please help me.. I need to know what to do..
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