I'm a cutter and can't remember anything. My family thinks it's out of laziness or lack of trying hard enough, but it's not. I have flashbacks all the time (mostly of bad memories) but forget them almost instantaneously. I juggle 25-30 hours of work, high school, house expenses, and college applications every day. Nothing satisfies my family and memories of my abused past float in and out of my head. Sometimes I'll be crying or angry and not know why. I cut up my arms to help ease the pain inside. It feels like all the bad stuff inside of me leaves through the vents that I cut. I know it's wrong, but it always brings me back to reality. I'm not suicidal, I just need release. I can't seem to let go of the past, though. The things my grandfather put my siblings and me though--amongst other things--haunt me constantly. He's been dead for years. Even though I'm scared of remembering it all, I feel that I must in order to move on. How can I force out my repressed memories, maintain someting similar to sanity, and make my failing memory stronger?
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