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Relationship Questions

Going through his things

I have a very unusual problem. For the past two and a half years I've been in a wonderful relationship with an incredibly caring, thoughtful,good man. His name is Jason and he is 40. I am 30. A few years before we met Jason was engaged to be married to a woman he had a 5 year relationship and lived with throughout most of that time. She called the wedding off, claiming they had too many differences. They shortly broke up after that.

Jason hasn't seen or heard from this woman in 5 years. He said she married someone else shortly after they broke up and has a family with her husband.

My problem is that I cannot get this woman out of my head. I've done something terrible. I've completely snooped through every corner of Jason's home looking for pictures of her. He has a box full of old photos of her during the time they lived together. Jason is a bit of a pack rat. He never throws anything away. He has old notes from her in a filing cabinet. He has birthday cards and old wedding invitations they attended together. He has some of her old books with her name written in them.

I really hate myself for having this bizarre curiosity about her. I want to know everything about her . I have Goggled her name online and know things about her current life Jason doesn't know. I can't stop looking through Jason's things. I can't stop my Internet searches of this woman. It has totaled any self respect I once had for myself.

I also don't understand why Jason has all this stuff of hers all these years later. He even has a pile of papers of hers when she was planning her wedding to him. It seems like she is literally in every room in his house 5 years later. I guess she is.

Jason has no idea of my snooping through his house. I cover my tracks. It would humiliate me if Jason knew what I have done.

Anne why do I do this? Why am I obsessed with a ghost? I know it has to do with my own insecurities and really nothing to do with Jason. How do I stop? How do I let go of my anger at Jason for having all this old stuff of hers? How do I get back any self respect after what I have done? Please help, it just gets worse.



  • 'Anne' is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
  • 'Anne' bases her responses on her personal experiences and not on professional training or study. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only.
  • Anne intends her responses to provide general information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
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