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Allan Schwartz, Ph.D.Allan Schwartz, Ph.D.
Dr. Schwartz's Weblog

Why Do Men Go To Prostitutes?

Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D. Updated: Dec 16th 2008

 Quotation: Anonymous: "Prostitutes have very improperly been styled women of pleasure; they are women of pain, or sorrow, of grief, of bitter and continual repentance,..."

This anonymous quote describe the suffering of women who sell their bodies. But, what of the men who buy sex?

For example, why would a married man visit a prostitute or a "call girl" and pay money for sex when his wife is available at home? Why would a single man purchase sex when he can be with his girl friend who is more than willing to engage in this most intimate of acts?

The December to January 2008-2009 issue of Scientific American Mind, a magazine published by Scientific American, contained an article attempting to answer the above question. The writers point out that experts hotly debate the reasons for this without being able to come to a consensus. I believe the failure to come to agreement about is do to the fact that the motivating factors towards visiting prostitutes is varied and complex. In other words, it is my notion that there is no single reason for this behavior. Let's look at this issue and explore some of the factors involved.

Various studies cited in the article estimate that the percentage of men who visit prostitutes varies from one nation to the next with the range estimated to from 16%, in countries like the United States, to 90% in places like Thailand. A more accurate range is probably from 16 to 39% of men worldwide visit prostitutes.

Those men who frequent prostitutes cut across all racial, economic social class and age lines. One recent example was that of the former governor of New York State who was married and had children. In other words, from truck drivers to teachers, politicians, doctors, lawyers and even law enforcement officials, people visit prostitutes.

Let's examine some of the many possible reasons, remembering that there is no single explanation for all men.

1. There are people who are driven by a compulsive need for sex. This can be true for men or women. In this case, the men driven by this compulsion can never get enough and frequent prostitutes in an attempt to get as much sex as they can.

2. Related to number one in this list, there are men driven by an insatiable need for sexual pleasure. Without it they are in a perpetual state of frustration.

3. There are men who find real relationships too risky for a variety of reasons including the fear of real intimacy. For these individuals there are frequent visits to the same prostitute and the fantasy of a real relationship with the woman. One aspect of this fantasy relationship is that the prostitute, unlike a real girl friend or wife, is not demanding of anything emotional in return. In a way, the prostitute is "soothing the psyche" of that man.

4. Misogyny is the hatred of women and there are those experts in the field who believe that men who frequent prostitute have a real hatred of women. For these hate filled men, women are made submissive and are even humiliated through the process of purchasing sexual favors.

Impact on women:

While the motivating factors for men seeking prostitutes are debated, there is general agreement among experts that prostitution takes a heavy toll on the physical and emotional health of the women involved.

These women have to separate block their emotions in order to be able to work at what they do. Also, they are subject to physical abuse at the hands of johns and the pimps who sell their bodies.

Why do women get involved in prostitution? It is pointed out by experts that this is rarely, if ever, a matter of choice. Forces such as poverty, drug addiction, and fear of being beaten by pimps who often dupe them into the sex trade when they are extremely young, cause them to become entrapped.


There are many people who are convinced that it is male demand that really causes prostitution and all the suffering involved. Therefore, it is believed that such things as educating men and reducing the demand for the sex trade are the real solution to this extreme problem.

This is a difficult and serious topic that needs to be explored and understood. Your comments and thoughts are encouraged but, please remember, this is less than a moral or religious and more a social and criminal issue than anything else.

This article has been updated and I suggest readers go to this URL:


Please submit your comments.

Allan N. Schwartz, LCSW, PhD





Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D.

Readers who live in the Boulder, Colorado metro area, or in Southwest Florida may contact Dr. Schwartz for face-to-face consultation. He is also available for psychotherapy through Skype video for those who are not in Florida or Colorado. He can be reached via email at for details.

Reader Comments
Discuss this issue below or in our forums.

In defense of men - coolchick - Mar 11th 2015

The post from the wives are pretty sickening, I always kind of knew, I had a feeling something wasnt right, but I just pushed it aside, I was too distracted by the children.  What do you mean you were to distracted by the you mean you cooked for them and fed them, made them help you clean up, bathed them and put them to bed and then kept your self busy until your husband came home..and when he did enjoyed a pleasent evening together? None of you can claim that. Your men have been getting the shaft since the womens movement, since sunday shopping and VHS and DVD's turned women into robots who do nothing more that push play all day long, and call it parenting. when your men come home you greet him with complaints about your complicated life like an infant...another child.  What a turn off. Written by a woman who feels for your husbands because I can't even stand you. 

It's backwards in my case - - Feb 26th 2015

I am a feminist. I respect women. I defend the case for equality and women rights. But seems I stood for the wrong cause all my life.

I've NEVER been given a chance. Women don't give me a chance ever! I'm a mystery to my friends (from both genders). Good looking, promising career, athletic, genuine, funny, kind, loyal...

But, if we count online dating, I approached 1000 women (ONE THOUSAND)...I barely got 20-30 phone numbers all in all. 6-7 first dates, and NOT A SINGLE second date.

And there's absolutely hideous about these dates. There wasn't any fight, any awkwardness...NOTHING. One of these dates, who's now a friend, told me when I asked her for advice on my continuous failure and what mistakes did I do on our date, she said: \\

don't agree... - ddd - Feb 17th 2015

there are good and bad reasons why..

the good? well:

- for fun

- they like sex but within managed sessions

the bad?  I would agree with the points cited.  Though not all escorts are abused, and this isn't propaganda, it's fact.   yes, it may be risky in several cases, but many things are. this doesn't mean skydiving, eating fast food continually, or smoking are symptoms of mental illness in themselves.

No other way - Pumpui - Dec 28th 2014

I'm a 42 year old male. Until 27 I was a virgin. Then my friend invited me to a brothlel, he paid the girl for me. After that I visited prostitutes but they are quite expensive. I married one of them at 29 ( in 2001). First few years was okay but I never stopped visiting prostitutes. First we had sex about 3 times a week. This has fallen to 0 in 2009. Since that nothing. We live together for economic reasons and have a son who was born in 2007. I don't see reason for divorce because I am sure I would not have a girlfriend. I'm attending psychological therapy (1999-2001, 2005-today). Also have porn addiction of some kind. Like bizarre stuff but normal also. Have connection with transsexuals also. I love prostitutes because they are the only way I can have sex. I love them. Other women I scare. I'm fat, ugly and shy. Deal with is! :-)

Stereotypes - John Doe - Dec 8th 2014

Not all men that see escorts are married or in a relationship or sex addicts go 10 years or longer with out sex and see whats thats like And being fairly young. Not all escorts are drug addicts most them have jobs outside of escorting you could have easily met a escort at your own work and never knowed it. And to there all street walkers comment get with the 20th century pelease most if not all them are online now google escort plus your area. And lastly too woman that escorted that really sucks a client led you on that way but i hate to say it pretty woman was a movie i'm not trying to be mean here but i how look at even a single man is paying for time plus services anything else well a dating site or meeting a boyfriend thought friends is the best way but never a client at best its adult entertainment.

Women aren't intereted in men - - Dec 7th 2014

Here in my middle age and single, I have found it very tough to meet women. In my 30's I lived with a girl I thought was great but ended it by telling me she didn't really love me.

I have spent the last decade trying to get into another long term relationship. Too old for clubs, I resorted to on line dating. I would get a couple of dates a year and a short term relationship every couple. I found the women I met were troubled, the last bipolar. The last several years there has been nothing.

I live in a city where there are 5 single women for every single guy. Sounds great, but if you go to on line dating there are 2 men for every women in my area. It is really curious why this would be so different.

I run into one that is interesting in public every once in a long while. But they disappear quick and I never see them again. Women in my age group never seem to be out in public, where I am , at the same time. I seldom find a way to get to know them.

In my age range, I find women feel that having a relationship is of secondary importance. They have their children, grandchild, pets and girlfriends. A man only gets in if he is exceptional. Many must have younger men only, which is extremely superficial. Some justify it by saying men have done it for years. It sounds mostly like sour grapes and spiteful

Once on a long dry spell I got an escort. She was fairly attractive. But I found the whole experience dissatisfying because I knew it was fake. I had trouble reaching climax believe it or not.

Through all of this, I can't fault some guys for visiting prostitutes. The touch of a female is an great experience. It makes us feel human, is intoxicating and an intimate experience.

Old studies showed that baby monkeys would still cling to a fake mother that dispensed milk. While it is a poor substitute, it was still better than nothing. Women don't realize this is how some men feel and that we should never ask for comfort.

My city is 45 percent single. No one seems to be very interested in relationships anymore. I can see how prostitution, done legally with safeguards for the women, would work in an environment like this. 

I'm not blaming women or men- it just seems that is the way life is now. Where it will lead remains to be seen. 

Sad but true - - Dec 3rd 2014

I was an escort, I found as both a means to provide for my daughter and to punish myself because thats what I do when I hurt emotionaly and I can't hurt the other person.  I fell in love with a client who fell in love with me.  Six years later I realize that I was never viewed as something he loved, just something he loved and used to make himself feel better, an excuse to leave his wife and children.  I believed him because I wanted to but now that there is no more to fantasize about he is cheating on me with hookers.  Looking for that next fantasy where he can be someone's "white knight."  I am left devestated by my ignorance, by my ability to live six years with someone because I fantasized about the same kind of life he did. Only I was happy to have acheived it, until he took it away.  

So lost - Kng - Nov 26th 2014

My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years. I recently left him for about a month. While we were broken up he was at the strip club every night. I got phone calls from a stripper telling me he got "more than he paid for" . Then I was going through his contacts ( because he can't be honest so yes I snoop) and I found a number saved as BP. And wondered whom it was. It was a prostitute, she was nasty and rude when I called, she told me I wasn't doing my job and he loved to have sex with her. Needless to say every time I ask him about anything he will only tell the truth if I already have proof. I wouldn't be upset if he would be honest and wasnt still looking at escorts on a daily basis. 

Autistic man can't meet a woman his age any other way - - Nov 15th 2014

I tried courting a woman, from my late teens, to my early 20's, even a bit into my mid 20's, was when I began to give up. Simply put, there is no woman that can tolerate my abrasive personality or even would necesarily seem to like my attempts to court her. I tried everything, I asked out girls for their numbers, I would go on dates occaisonally (usually 1 at the most was when she figured out she didn't like me) I bought a fancy fast car, landed a decent paying job, I went on Spring Break one year and while most of the men in my troupe had sexual intercourse with a woman, I did not, when I was totally desperate I even became a magician briefly and even got quite talented at it and would perform for women I liked. I would go to bars, Frat parties, social events, I tried working out a lot to get in shape, and even try to meet women at my work, but when I did that a couple women complained to my boss that I was sexually harassing them, rather than being nice to them. My confidence in myself was crushed when I garnered apparently multiple sexual harassment complaints, I just had to assume that most women found me to be a creep rather than an attractive significant other.

I scheduled a trip to Amsterdam, and the Prostitutes there did what no other woman in the US would do. They had sex with me. I couldn't meet a woman ANY other way, short of being maybe a rapist which would just land me in prison for decades. What can I say other than women don't fu**in like me, and I got to have sex with the equivalent of a beauty queen. For 50 euro's she did what no United States woman would do, which was give me real time with an actual woman close to my age.


I have an extremely high opinion of prostitutes. If I become a millionaire at my current lifes pursuit (stock trader, professional gambler), I probably will still not marry or date women because if there is one thing they\\\'ve been consistent at it\\\'s been letting me down. This is why I see prostitutes, not because I want to encourage human trafficking or sex slavery, it\\\'s because without prostitutes, I have zero other options to spend intimate time with a woman around my age, and to me that shouldn\\\'t be a crime at all, given my situation.

It can't get worse and I see no way forward - - Nov 14th 2014

I have been married for over 20 years. And together with my husband for over 30 years.  We have always had a fairly strong marriage. I have never been a with any other man ...  . We have sex 3x a week except when I have my cycle and even then I end up putting out we sometimes maybe go a couple of weeks without sex but not very often and  I am  pretty adventurous. We have had our struggles though in the bedroom and I have overlooked alot... but . ... last year our son died. He was not even 20. His death rocked us tremendously and our grief has been huge . Neither of us have been the same. Well about a week ago I found a rash on my bottom. And the doctor says it is likely genital herpes.  I was furious and confronted my husband who admitted to having paid for sex several in the last year.  I am so destroyed.  He said he used protection but I guess he had no idea how stds are passed. Skin to skin contact.   Now forever I will have this disease because it is not curable.  He i's so apologetic and ashamed. He offers no explanation as to reasoning.  But  wants our marriage to work. He said it was physical only and he does not't want en emotional relationship with anyone else.  I just feel so sick... and dirty... I donot know how  I will'll very trust him.again. He knew how I felt about cheats.  I ha've already lost so much.with the death of our son. I have lost friends and family members our finances are in the crapper and not to mention trying to adjust to life is so hard. I feel so alone. And on top.of all.this  i am going through pre menopause! !   I miss my kid so much. It takes all my light to stay on the is planet. The only reason is for our living kids.  I knew my husband  and I weren't connecting. .we a were not able to be each others support in grief.which iis still here. But I have lays relied on him. He has been my rock.   But how could he throw away 30years... break our family apart and give me adisease and forever so I can never have sex again.  We have more kids and they are struggling with the loss of their brother. I feel boxed in that if I kick their father out who they adore they will suffer and I do not want that. I have no one to talk to.  I feel so inadequate and embarrassed. I dono't ever want him to touch me and can never be loved again. How could he do this to me? Why... He wants me to trust him a gain. He says he will do anything to save our marriage etc.   I feel like I was raped... like a leper now I will have this reminder of his infidelity comeback over and over... forever. I will be at higher risk.of cervical cancer. I will be at risk to passing  this onto others ... I have to bring hygiene up to a whole new level even just so my kids do not get it accidently through casual skin to skin Contact. ... how could he think so little of our life and family to the it away for a little sex. Which I was and have been given go him whether or not I wanted to.  Can someone tell me how I ever reconcile this?  

Be responcible if you use a prostitute - - Nov 11th 2014

We are as a species, a very sexual race. If you look back in our history, monogamy wasn't very common. Couples staid together long enough to raise a child until it wasn't as dependant on the parents and they moved on to a new partner to repeat the process. And in doing so, made a more genetic divers pool of offspring. 

I do believe men and women visit prostitutes for various reasons:

1. Not feeling like they are getting enough at home with their current partner, or feeling unsatisfied with their partners quality

2. Just wants to satisfy their needs without having to satisfy their partner's needs

3. Wants to get that release sex can give without the hang-ups, responsibilities, obligations, and emotional baggage having a relationship brings with it

4. What they can do with a prostitute might not be something their partner is into and therefore they don't get that satisfaction they want from intercourse with them. So they get it from a prostitute

5. Some people can't get enough

6. Some people never found a partner to give them that experience


If you're planning on visiting a prostitute, be smart about it and use protection. You never know nowadays who is sick with something that can't be cured. You can get your rocks off and not pass a STD to your loved ones back home because you were in a hurry and didn't wrap before entering. Not to mention ruin your life as well also being infected with something you could have avoided.

not so fast ladies - - Sep 28th 2014

why both of You think, that any of You can monopolise any man ?

what is important, to make sure Your husband has no sex with anyone else,

or the love in a partnership ?

sex is not equal to love.

The elder man, i can agree with. Maybe was the last time he had a chanse to have sex with someone else than an elder lady.

the doctor, well, if You are a high profile lawyer whatever perfect godess, maybe you are just full of Your self, and the doc wanted to let the steam go.

btw, may i ask why would anyone be bound in monogamia ?

i do not recall human as a specy was allways monogamic. rather i would say it is some leftover junk from religion.

Six Prostitutes 1 two times total of 7 - lossing - Sep 21st 2014

This has been the hardest summer of my life.  The man I love dearly whom I've been married to for 38 years who I've had sex with regularly decided that I wasn't enough.   He's 68 and I'm 61.   He went out the last two weeks in May and had unprotected sex with 6 prostitutes the total of 7 times with prostitutes that he picked up on Main Street. Then came home and had sex with me. We both have Chlamydia and took med.  With all intentions of me not finding out.   The 9th of June he told me everything.   I have been heart broken but I love him and would be nothing without him.  I've talked to him I've read everything I can put my hands on and can't begin to figure out why.   He had 4 bypasses in 2005 and he's a diabetic.   He suffering from some ED.  The only reason he can give me is he thought he was getting to where he was soon going to not be able and he wanted to play around while he still could.     (Would like some help)  PLEASE

Why so much empathy for the prostitutes? - Elizabeth - Sep 19th 2014

Many of these woman are drug addicts, they need treatment not pity. The so called "high class' wh*res are home wreckers and want an easy income.  I was  a 35 year old mother of two young children when I discovered my doctor husband had been paying for sex for 10 years of our 12 year marriage. I am extremely attractive high profile lawyer, and had never withheld sex from him. When caught he was very defensive at first. When I finally convinced him that it was not his God given right, he agreed to seek help for addiction. He has been diagnosed with meglamania sex addiction which was fed by Internet porn.  The marriage is dead as far as I am concerned, he is a sick lonely man because he was weak minded thought he was irresistible and could not keep his trousers zipped. Do not give empathy to these easy money women, the pity should be directed to the wives and families, they are the victims.

Prostitution is not evil. - - Sep 12th 2014

Prostitution is just a regular job.

Slavery is evil.

Those who are NOT forced to commit prostitution do not need to be saved.

Why would anyone think selling something that would be given otherwise free, is evil ?

And why man visist prostitutes.. well, why do woman visit them?

You know there are male prostitutes too, same thing.

to purchase a service, nothing more.

be it sex, or other plesure, or just to release steam.



Is that all? - Joe Smith - Sep 5th 2014

I am impressed at how limited are the reasons you suggest.  Why waste words on two reasons (#1 and #2) which are essentially the same and yet neglect far more likely motivations men have for straying such as emotionally abusive partners or lack of intimacy at home.  On top of the omission of this very real and likely antecedent you include suggestions which are at best naive if not unlikely to be realistic home environments. For example in your preamble you mention - wives and girlfriends at home who are willing to share intimacy.

Question about sex - Chingly - Aug 27th 2014

Is it right to have sex with prostitute for a never married man age of 31, who does not have girlfriend and never had sex before?? He waited all these years for a girlfried or to find a soulmate never happend. Can any one answer please?

Yes to low self esteem - - Aug 26th 2014

I believe that self esteem can cause this. My boyfriend had relations with a prostitute in the past and I just found out he has done it again recently. We don't have a problem in the bedroom and absolutely believe it is because his self esteem is so low because of money, job issues, and his weight gain. I don't forgive him a second time but think the issues are with him, not our relationship.

Most of the women do stink today. - - Aug 24th 2014

It is very true, most of the women do stink today. Very hard to meet a real decent one nowadays, especially one that doesn't cheat.


Writing as a woman I feel that it is a possible thought that men seeking out prositutes for sexual pleasure are doing so from a deep rooted feeling of low self esteem and  that they are not worthy of a substantial relationship.It confirms a self fulfillling prophecy that they are just as undesirable as the low "label" of prostitutes .

A different approach on prostitution. - - Aug 21st 2014

Most opinions scientificly made on this topic are from ..

doctors, well earning, usually from a good family, good neighborhood.

people who do not face the world as the same as most of us.


these people live a comfortable life, have and had sufficient financial backup, family to relay on, study wehat they like, and work in a field they like.


So, the opiniuons and the observations are FALSE.


The whole concept of prostitution is evil, in it self is a false and balancing way of view. Most of these \\\\\\\\

I get it - - Aug 12th 2014

Reading all these comments and stories has been very insightful. I don't think it's weird or strange that a man does/has paid for sex. I can at this time in my life strongly relate to the comments about the loneliness that may be a driving factor in doing so.  I've been trapped in a very difficult sexless marriage for  years, and if I knew anything about high end male prostitutes and had the financial resources to pay for it I may have done the same thing! So no judgment from me.  Some of these stories seem a bit painful and I sincerely wish everyone the best.

For the sex - blurgh - Aug 3rd 2014

Its weird having a girl ask you questions like, where do you work, what do you do, and where do you live, when you have little to give in response. Its like they are looking for someone to take care of them. I admit, I created that illusion with the way I dress. And it makes them think I must be batting some big numbers. But the truth is, I dont make anything. It would be nice to meet an attractive girl who isnt looking for a bread winner and is just simply looking to have some short, medium, or long term fun. Because I dont think men are really looking for much more than that themselves. So it would be nice to be mutually on the same page. After all, I dont care if a woman lives under a bridge. As long as shes cute. 

Interesting article - Bill - Aug 3rd 2014
I learned early in life that some guys can do nothing and get all the female attention they want and some guys have to open their wallets. Remember that the women are chasing the top 20%. Lots of guys, decent guys will be alone. It is a slap in the face where a decent guy with a good job and his own home can't buy a date for a million bucks while horrible abusive men have all the luck. Society will tell you that being with a girlfriend is better than being with a pro because the girlfriend "cares" about you. Well, she may care about you today and dump you next week or next month for someone else. There's nothing permanent about a girlfriend. For many guys a pro (stripper or escort) may be the only female attention they get throughout their 20's and 30's. By the way, a guy can relax with an escort. He can actually confess his insecurities (if you do this with a girlfriend you are history). You can tell an escort things that you would not tell your own family. I am not encouraging your readers in one direction or another. I am just telling you the way it appears to me.

Response to Leanne and the revictimizer commenter as well - - Jul 26th 2014

Firstly most relationships with drugs in them fail, but I am glad you have been clean 3 yrs.  I am with a woman I did drugs with 10 yrs ago, but I would leave her in a heartbeat if I felt I could find a better mate...I am financially tied up with her though unmarked still.

 Anyway the methadone guy is would leave if I were in yoursituation,and you will find a more complete lover and partner one day soon.  Do not mention your former addictions for 3-4 weeks into a relationship. (It gives the time for a person to know the real you, before you pull a time marker sobriety pin.)

 And to all this revictimization comments by the other commentor.  I have been with a hooker who was very responsible, intelligent, a mother of four, and someone you would love as yourneighbor in any neighborhood inthe US.  She wasn't on welfare or unempowered in any way. She had a plan and financially any of her clients were a means to an end...minus some of her regulars who she may even be dating now.  she was a caring good person and any who might meet her would know so...just saying stereotyping ppl is not ever fully accurate.  

I just pray for evryone's safety and that we all find some happiness in relationships one day. gl all

Dating isn't easy anymore - Sgt Rock - Jul 3rd 2014

Feminism has made it clear that they don't want men.  Women are obsessed with their careers and "independence" over having anything to do with me.  If someone does want a man, any relationship is going to be conducted on HER terms only.  Add in the typical male-bashing that feminism conducts hourly, divorce, and the unrealistic standards that women have for men and males will turn to alternatives.  But if a man complains about these factors, men are dismissed as whiny punk losers who lack the personality and confidence to get a woman any time HE wants (ladies, we know men can't do this).  Therefore, prostitution is the answer.  In all my years, I've been able to hire the same kind of young hot women for sex who happen to be the exact kind of women who wouldn't give me the time of day.  Go figure.  Using prostitution isn't about cheating on your wife or about empowering over women.  It's all about eliminating the loneliness on a temporary basis.  Something is better than nothing and MOST men dispise nothing.  Believe me when I say hiring women gets old and men prefer to settle down.  But if women don't want you because you are not tall-handsome-healthy-wealthy-age specific-RACE specific and rich, then what?  Oops, I'm being a whiny punk loser (double standards) right?  Damned if you do, damned if you don't. 

it is a service - Kay Peg - Jun 19th 2014

So  you walk around the street with all these young girls without hardly any cloths on, you worked hard for your professional attainment and income level, and the girls don't give you the time of day. Sorry something is wrong with this american culture, so a guy has to go to a foriegn country to pick up a wife, who when he gets back all his american associates shun him. Oh well, I think prostitution serves a worth while need and takes that edge of a man so that he can be relaxed around women and see things clearly, our economic system has truly messed up with the biological system that was working for millenium and now both men and women have to spend those years getting an education and postponing marriage, its a system that is broke. So a man becomes successful to raise a family but when he is economical strong enough to marry his youth is slightly tranished, so to with the women.

In response to john doe - - Jun 4th 2014

Good post. Very well put.

simple answer - john doe - Jun 3rd 2014

easy on the single guy side of things escort don't care if your rich good looking a good talker the fact is into to days world internet tv women think in to even date a man they have to be rich skinny and be able to give them a life sytle well beyond there own means even so when thats off the table then what yes i guess you could go to the bar and maybe find a date or one night stand but even then it's a roll of dice and you count some men go years with out sex even and masterbation is never the same people put morilty into this issue if a women are willing to due this kinda work and the guy is willing to pay and there both adults i don't see the problem porn is legal and there getting payed for sex bottom line they can call it acting but it's sex and legal but i will go back to why they go to escort is easy becuse there is little to no work involed it's a sure thing instead of real life where yes you could hook up after the 1000 no and the 1 yes and waste time and money and being rejected is never fun.

To Leanne - Bernard - May 22nd 2014

Hi Leanne,

    I find your comment very interesting. Of course it is a pitty you went through all of these with the drug addiction and so on...

   My first reaction would be to say you need to move on. You have no kid, you have a life to live... Then of course I can see what you think... What if he goes completely wrong, will you be the culprit? After all, you are feeling like you were wrong in the first place. But you did confess.

   I think you were not wrong. In the end, you were not willing to. It happened. Shit happens. You gave hime the right to do it, which I believe is really awkward and then he screwed you in the back. He is really irresponsible and this makes him a bad candidate for you. Don\\\'t you feel that he is not the right one? You are not a vergin either, but you have to look at yourself in the mirror and see that this lady diserves to be loved. And she doesn\\\'t need to do anything for it. OK over with playing the bad guy... If you are still reading it means you are really asking yourself questions, and that means as well you need to take the time to find appropriate answers.

  I found this article beause I was trying to find out why I might be interested (fantasy) about having a prostitute. Honnestly I haven\\\'t found out yet. I think it is a consequence of finding something that you miss in your relationship. Every man has build his own \\

Re: Wow... Explain - Rick - Apr 21st 2014

This thread is getting old already. And the thing is nobody on here is offering any real advice to guys who feel they have to pay for women. I'm a 41-year-old male who's a long distance truck driver. I've been living in this city for two years and other then some of my trucking friends who are already married or who wouldn't be caught dead in a nightclub or places where you could actually meet women, I don't have any close friends in this town. So I come off the road and I'm alone..

I see lots of young couples walking around. I could walk into a restaurant and there's lots of attractive young waitresses who are only there to do their job and its totally pointless to even try to ask any of those girls out because they're either going to give you sorry I don't date customers or I have a boyfriend. 

Of course there are dating services but women can be just as shallow and picky on those sites if not more so in real life. Like the men on those dating sites. Most women are just looking for the most attractive guys who really stand out or somebody who really catches there eye. And while I may not be that bad looking,  no movie company's going to be calling me up anytime soon to make a commercial or anything like that. 

And the few times I've been on these dating sites I can say that some of the most unattractive and even messed up women you will find on these sites so I don't bother with them. For whatever reason all these years I've never been able to find someone to be in a relationship with. I don't have the nerve to just walk up the girls I don't know on the streets or in shopping malls and talk to them because I know it's going to get very awkward and I don't feel comfortable doing it. And I'm not meeting anybody through mutual friends.. As it's been said only a few times on this forum it's become too easy to just pay for a prostitute then it is to find somebody decent to even spend time with like going on a date and not even expecting to get sex out of it..

So what can I say... The punks, The immature idiots out there, or guys who are genetically gifted with looks are the ones who are in relationships, But good guys like me always finish last..

wow..explain? - Now - Apr 11th 2014

Ignorant about what? The anti-sex guys have no facts, just argument

Wow - - Apr 4th 2014

Wow, there's a lot of ignorant and stupid people commenting on this.  Most of you don't have a clue as to what you're talking about.  Hint:  Don't believe everything you see on TV.

The payback - leanne - Mar 5th 2014

Simple story here. I want to hear from guys who sleep with prostitutes even in a happy loving relationship. 

Can i get feedback on if you think it was acceptable on my partners half.

Been together 6 years. Im 33 hes 26. Fell into drug problems together. First heroin, then meth. I got clean off heroin cold turkey he is on a methadone program. I got into meth for a short time and went a bit crazy. During this time he said we couldnt be together. I had nobody, hanging with ppl i thought were friends, however just juiced me up with drugs so they could have their way with me. I was raped once out of the 4 occasions.

My partner would have never found out. Except, when i got off meth, my conscience killed me so i told him what happened. I gave him choices, to leave or forgive me and move on. Never would i have been around such people in my right state of mind. I said, would it make him feel better if he were to go sleep with a prostitute. He eventually, blind drunk, agreed. I took him there and waited. He came out and said he couldnt do it which ended up a lie.

Its been 3 years. Were together. Im at uni now. He is still on methadone. Im clean, been 3 years. 

Now recently, i discovered his disappearing acts matching a particular withdrawal amount and seen addresses in his browser history for brothels. I confronted him, he denied it. Eventually just gave in and told me he'd slept with 6 prostitutes in 12 months because i deserved it and it was pay back and an eye for an eye. Its clearly bs, because an eye for an eye would of made it 3, not 6 and he would have admitted it rather then me finding out about it.

Guys, is this really how he felt? I think its all bs, he has slept with prostitutes before being with me, he would go with his brother. On the basis he broke it off, on the basis i was taken advantage of by men in my state (i would Never have sex for drugs, if anyone is thinking that) .. was there really any grounds for his so called payback? Or was it really just for the thrill?

I am attractive, tall, slim and marketable to men. I have a good body etc. His sleeping with hookers has to be another reason besides me being unrootable.

We have a really great closeness in our relationship, we nurture eachother and still love eachother very much..

So whats his reason? He knows im up for it and can have me anytime..

He watches porn like every second day, probably wanks, instead he could do it with me. Yet he went to see prostitutes?.. 

In the beginging of all this he made it a big deal id had another penis inside of me but a whole year had passed.. and here he is sleeping with some hooker who has probably had 20 d*cks inside her before his?

Can anyone offer me some reasoning here? Whats up with him... really. Be honest. Doctor, what are your thoughts...


The bottom line is.. - Nick - Feb 19th 2014

After reading this thread we can all agree on the bottom line is, there are a lot of lonly guys on here who feel they have no other choice but to pay for prostitutes. Let's face it women don't make it easy on us men either. Unless your in a group of men and lots of women who know one another, it's pretty hard in this day in age to meet a potential mate. I agree with the one poster on here who said women seem to fear men. 

Its like minute you try and approach some one on the street or in the mall your  interested in, they seem to have this almost standoffish and cold attitude. Not all women are like this but for a guy who is already shy around women, approaching women who seem stuck up is like walking into the Lions den... And of course the prettier the girl the more unattainable she is... nine times out of ten she has some steady boy friend or if your not some GQ looking guy she's probably not going to really give you a chance. 

And the problem is prostitutes dont care if your rich, or really good looking. You got the money, they have the time. You can pay a model playmate to have sex with you yet can't seem to find even just a cute girl who will even go out with you cause she's either not interested or has some steady boy friend. I my self quit paying for protsitutdes sinse last summer. Why? Just got tired of paying some stranger just to satisfy me. I have more money in my pocket and looking towards the future to make my self a better person.





wow I can't believe men are so self centred - Jackson - Feb 7th 2014

From reading the comments it appears most men on here cannot comprehend that they are revictimizing  prositutes. Basically they are physically and emotionally further damaging her for their own selfish gain. If it wasn't for desperation and low self esteem these women wouldn't be doing this PERIOD. Most were put in a situation were they did not have a choice. So men you can put your blinders on and ignore the truth but it doesn't negate that fact that you are abusers in on or how nice you treat her. Do your research and grow up. Stop REvictimizing an already damaged human being.

Always up for a good time - - Jan 23rd 2014

I'm 40 yrs old, 5'9", average build. I have a long term girlfriend who I see 4-5 nights per week. I have another couple girldfriends I see 2-3 times per month. I still pay for the services of escorts. My favorite is the 2-girl duo sessions. Always leaves with a smile, lol. Why do I pay for sex. Cause I have a problem!!

Fear... fear... fear - John Henry - Jan 2nd 2014

The fact that women are only interested in 20% of the men is spot on. It's a big factor and always has been. Evolution would mandate most men die off before the age of 7, of those that remain, the majority are worker bees with only a handful being sperm donors. This is the selection process at work.

Women are scared of men. If you approach a woman the response will almost allways be one of fear. You can't possibly hope to meet anyone in this culture, we're all taught to fear one another but women are ESPECIALLY taught to fear men. (even though the vast majority of guys are harmless, fear is still louder than logic)

There are no real groups you can go to, just look at or any church group, 1/2 the time the groups are subdivided between men and women. Looking for a mate is not only a taboo subject, but actually shameful. Without social groups where mate-seeking is acceptable, it's pretty much impossible to demonstrate to a would-be partner that you are not only harmless, but a pretty good catch.

Dating sites are completely wrong. It's 100% pointless for most men to join those. You can't interact with her in groups and you can't show her how you treat other people on dating sites. She sits back, gets 100's of messages and analyzes the few men she's interested in, looking for flaws. This isn't exactly conducive to romance.

The only apparent choice is to hire a prostitute or be completely alone. I'm very tempted to do the same, but I don't want to rape someone... even if it's a \\

Only for a satisfying price - Pleasure seeker - Nov 13th 2013

Personally I dislike games and small talk about irrelevant sh!t that most gals thinks is interesting, I just can't even fake interest and know what I want and go and get it and I'm still clean and std free.

I never see many gals showing much interest in even talking it's like most have c**k fright,Scared to be sl*t shamed(Be a normal human with sexual needs), a passive aggressive (Feminist brainwashed man hating K^nt and act that way through what they watch on the idiot box or just waiting for the men to make first move or shyness/anxiety

Escorts just make it all to convenient we both get what we want in exchange for sexual pleasure even though it's emotionless and temporarily fulfillment and theres the addiction to the rush of adrenaline having any type of fetish requested though each new ones service.

I would love to meet a compatible gal for me even though I've had lots of relationships and was sexually atcive from the age of Ten :-)

My experience - ivan - Oct 29th 2013

Ok, here is my experience: I'm a 51 y.o. man, 2 kids, 2 ex wives. When I broke up with my second wife, just a 3 years ago, I was expecting to get over the loss relatively quickly and slowly get back to dating till I would find a new relationship. Just to make things clear, I'm a very good looking man, look a lot younger than my real age, my kids don't live with me and I'm pretty much financially free. On top of that, it was always relatively easy for me to find romance. 

However, this time around things didn't work out as I expected. It all started when one day just for fun I placed an add on craigslist, detailing the type of girl I was looking for and the type of relationship I wanted. For my surprise, I met an incredibly beautiful woman, a prostitute, who was also caring, smart, cultured and very sweet. I know this sounds a contradiccion in terms (prostitute-caring). But it wasn't.

Needles to say, she was much younger than me and absolutly enchanting. Suddenly, I found myself living a very strange life. The really crazy thing was...we were in a relationship!!! We used to treat each other as boyfriend and girlfriend, both saying \\

false statistics - bruce - Oct 29th 2013

I started reading the article and when I've got to the line that said that in the US 16% of men go to prostitues, I've just stop reading it. It's already based on a falsehood. Everybody knows than in the US between 40 and 50% of men visit a prostitue at least once every few years. You can't claim a study or analisys to be serious at all with these absurd statistics. I'm wondering if the man who wrote this article lives as an hermit in the middle of the forest. How can somebody lie to himself in such way and consider himself a scientist?????

Re :Bastet - Chad - Oct 22nd 2013

Bastet, you're a woman, so you have no idea what a man's perspective is on this issue. Women don't pay for sex because they don't have to. Even the ugliest woman can find a man who will not only have sex with her, but fall in love with her, marry her, and be completely loyal to her. The same is not true for men who are deemed unattractive, for whatever reason, and women's competition with each other plays into this, too. A man who has one woman usually draws interest from several other women, simply because these other women want what the first one has. But a totally single man is left out in the cold, and I think if for no other reason, guys should invest in a few non-sexual dates with a very attractive escort (always the same one), simply to draw interest from "regular" women. Plus, the more times a guy is in intimate situations with women, such as normal dates, the less awkward he will be around women of all kinds.

I respect them - Need vitamin S - Sep 14th 2013

I must confess I didn't read the whole thread and I think want to to visit a prostitute.

They are silent heroes. You like you pay. Like rubbish man, they do the that and it helps at least 3person. The guy who need sex, the female who is too tired, doesn't even care or keep looking for excuses and a would be victim of rape. Did I say 3 person? I may be wrong. The man have 2 brains. One on top and another at the bottom. So if an interested party wants what he needs, the top brain cannot detest but only finds a way out or excuses. There goes the children, who finds there is another spare mother. Some men's acient intuition, even thinks their maid has a better mother potential.

So visiting a prostitute, pay as you go. No need to overwork the wife. No strings attached (unless you are not using condom), you may strike first prize (HIV).

The real reason why a lot of men pay for prostitutes - - Sep 10th 2013

The real reason why a lot of men pay for prostitutes is to live out a sexual fantasy that they're having sex with really hot women that they know they could never get any other way. Guys who have gone to nightclubs and have been shot down and rejected by pretty girls who wouldn't even give them a chance know that they simply can't attract most women. When you pay for a prostitute it's like living out this sexual fantasy that gorgeous women want to be with you, they want to have sex with you and the paying for Sex part you just block out of your mind.

We live in a very cold society. Nobody cares if you're a nice person or you're a caring person and nobody cares if you're a really lonely person who can't get into a relationship. There are guys who are simply uncomfortable and feel awkward around women. They don't fit into the social scene or the nightclub scene. They know their shortcomings all too well and most of these guys are very sensitive and that is why they can't get into a relationship.

Guys still have wants and needs and would love to have sex with attractive women but for whatever reason they simply can't do it because of their looks or their self-confidence or whatever the case is. So like I said they're paying really gorgeous women to have sex with them to create this fantasy that they can actually have sex with women that they know they never could in real life.

I really have no idea what the answer to all of this really is. You can expect men to just go through life with wants and needs and all these lonely frustrating feelings and tell them they have to suppress this and can't ever be In an intimate relationship with a woman.  That is why men will always be paying to have sex with beautiful women.

crisis - sekhar - Aug 28th 2013

deep meditation practice is the only solution for ' I want a true relationship' crisis. sensual pleasure are for short term basis. try meditation, and i gurantee, you will find a new meaning in life to which sexual pleasure is nothing compared to. 

If you want a divine pleasure(way better than sexual pleasure) then practise meditation or you have other options to make yourself more depressed.

Justifications abound - Bastet - Aug 28th 2013

Reading through there is just so much hatred toward women in the comments to justify pay-to-rape. You all know it's financial coersion and without desperation to pay for rent, power, phone, food, kids, education...the woman wouldn't even engage in conversation let alone have sex.

There is no justification to place your momentary pleasure as more important than another person's mental, emotional and physical health. Prostitutes dissociate to deal with the job leaving psychological scaring that takes years, if ever to overcome. Most start young before they have even fully discovered their own bodies and definitely befor discovering their own unique sexuality.

If you're in your 30's, 40's, 50's, 60's and older picking the youngest off the menu you're no better than a kiddy fiddler!

Healthy women love sex with one carefully chosen partner. This belief that mens sex drive is higher is bs. Women don't pay for sex because we weren't brought up believing we were entitled to it and that our sexual pleasure needs trumped another human beings mental and psychological health!

Considering escorts for sexual confidence build-up - The dude - Jul 25th 2013

Hello fellow sexually frustrated 21st century men.  It's rather uplifting to see that one is not alone in the matter of finding a suitable relationship in today's world.  Turns out I've always been pretty shy with the ladies.  I solved that with alcohol, and it was pretty great to drop my filters and make girls laugh and have a good time, but since I never could build up my sexual confidence, (since I must've gotten laid two or three times in my entire life/ never had a girlfriend/ the girl with whom I did could tell my lack of experience and it was awkward, I think I hurt her...) and because my system is full of alcohol when I meet girls, I can never complete the transaction, and just end up getting wasted.
I can meet girls and all, but then I can't take it all the way. Surely it is out of fear of bad performance...  I am demanding and critical of myself, and I'm good at mostly everything I put my mind to..

I'm a talented 3d artist/musician, played the drums in a band for some years and met many girls and even had some band groupies.  Now I play guitar, I exercise, am in pretty good shape, play soccer..  Yet, in my sober state, I'm very shy and have a hard time engaging in small talk.  When I talk it's usually about deeply contemplative philosophical matters.  It is not talk that would turn a girl on.  Honestly, I'm not even trying to have sex with girls anymore, I'm just pretending to be a normal guy that does normal things, and get drunk while I\\\'m at it (alcoholic?).  It is the fact that I have so little sexual experience that limits me to not take the girls I meet all the way.  Soo...
What better than to pay an escort to help me get over my fear of sucking at sex, so I can build the confidence required to stand strong and show the girls I meet I'm the real deal.
It would save me the embarrasment, and it would save future girls I meet the disappointment.  Simply considering escorts as being sex teachers.  There are teachers for most every other area in life, yet somehow, with sex, you're on your own buddy.  I say, let the lessons begin.  21st century females around my age don't have the patience to put up with this type of thing.  They've had a busy day, week, are stressed and just want to unwind and have some good sex, right? Well, nobody ever taught me, so what can I do.    

Went to Prostitutes Due the Doctor's Reason 3 - A Rose By Any Other Name - Jun 27th 2013


I visited prostitutes for the past 4 years. (see my prior posts). I recently had a REAL love relationship with a woman who was never a prostitute - in other words, a normal girl with her act together.

The real relationship was wonderful yet conflicted due to my unaddressed problems that I brought into the relationship. The lady was loving and patient in return but had reached her limit with me  - she walked after I abandoned her one too many times. I abandoned her not because I did not love her and not because I did not want to be with her, but due to inner turmoil and unadressed behavioral issues on my part. These issues likely stem from my childhood experience of being abandoned by parents and then shuffling through foster care and childrens homes. i learned early how to "get back" by leaving women. I leatrned how to avoid pain by running away whenever I got close.

I began therapy and want to FINALLY TACKLE MY DEMON's with OUR LORD"s help. There is no magic cure. It's gonna be on me.

This recent real dating relationship gave me a glimpse of what it is like to have a real dating relationship , yet then have it slip through my fingers, broke me down to consider suicide and it brought me to accept that I needed professional help to make it to the next level. to enjoy the world as most healthy people are able to.

I want to give my 4 years experience with prostiututes credit, however. It was soothing to the psyche EXACTLY as Dr. Swartz points out. It beats total loneliness. There were opportinities foe me to work on my problem with hookers because i even abandoned them (I always paid of course). Furthermore the human touch of a hooker also brings you a little closer to humanity and to BEGIN to get in a situation where you feel a little stronger to handy the RISKINESS of a real relationship.  Also, as the doctor says, if you look deeper into the hooker's life, you will often find they are dealing with deep life issues themselves such as drugs, low self esteem, etc.

But going to prostitutes is just a temporary fix to deeper issues in my case. It did help me with love shyness. But overall, I have to finally bow to the doctor's viewpoint #3.

Many more reasons for Men to seek Prostitutes - - Jun 20th 2013

I think you did not give the topic justice. How about disabled men who cant date anyone? Or men who have been abused or bullied as children? Men that are going through a divorce? Men who are being emotionally abused by his wife. The list goes on, and I feel your 4 reasons were way too simple minded. 

Also, why aren't there as many women who seek out prostitutes?

Husband had sex with a prostitute - - Jun 10th 2013

Husband of 26 years got approached by a prostitute when he was in Makati City, Manila. She asked him if he was alone and would like some afternoon company. He said sure and then go back to the New World Makati Hotel and have sex using a condom. He said that 5 seconds "in" he pulled out and couldn't continue, paid the whore the $50 USD and ripped the condom off and cried like a baby. He was only there for 48 hours on business and couldn't even keep his d*ck in his pants.

Husband tells me all this 10 months AFTER it happened. I am disgusted!!!(I've gone 3x for STD tests all Negative, told my doctor I'll get tested every month if I have too, I am so paranoid now!) He has been in the doghouse for 3 months since his confession, and intimacy is completely dead. My husband is a dumba*s and only thought with his D*CK!!!! Selfish, selfish, selfish bastard!!!

I have told all my family and close girlfriends and they want us to "work it out" because what my husband did is so completely out of character. He lost 60 lbs prior to him coming clean. He had night sweats and couldn't eat, I thought it was all work related stress...boy was I wrong! I am sitting on the fence as to stay and work it out or pack up and leave. We did do marriage counselling and saw our priest, but I am still so bitter and unable to forgive. Any comments from wives who have been in a similar situation involving adultery would be appreciated.

Wow Alania.. - Alan - May 15th 2013

As the difference between the cost of a date and using some sex ad is what?  You must look loaded to get a date to begin with. You know, fancy clothes, car, job, etc., while you can just walk in some girly bar with casual clothes and get the same attention, and then some, for only 10 bucks.

You're still cheaper! - Billy Bob - May 5th 2013

Alania, laugh all you want at us guys paying our hard-earned money for your services. But guess what? Your services are pennies to the dollar compared to actual relationships. There is no such thing as free! Okay, maybe some guys get romance scott free, but what percentile is that? One? I know too many men who were rich before traditional relationships and now broke - especially after the divorce settlement. And even if divorce hasn't happened yet, the remaining married men must continue to shell out $1,000s and $1,000s to raise kids thus translates into legal slavery because now the man must work more than one job to break even. And even if money wasn't a factor just the stress of raising kids today is unbearable! And even if a couple has zero kids the man still has to carry the freight which could easily cost a million in 2 or 3 decades. Sorry, but I'll continue to pay $300 for a hooker/escort every 5 years. It's a lot cheaper than paying a moaning sexless wife $1,000 every week for 20 years. Most of these once-rich men I know taken to the cleaners by their wives and ex-wives now admit that I'm the smart one because I still have a huge bank account and a stressfree retirement to look forward to while they will forever be in debt with a stressful retirement in a cold-weather climate. Do I enjoy the pity of these broke men? No. But I do laugh at the world looking at my bank account because the strategy to wealth wasn't that hard because I didn't fall into the trap of traditional romance.


Sex is great for everyone - Alania - May 1st 2013

I've been reading all these comments for the last hour and now I have to definitely say something.... did anyone of you actually think that both women and men go to escorts for the same reason... I used to be a entertainment expert and also went abroad to take my love of sexual pleasure to different levels...  I'M a 26 year old woman and I have had both men clients and women clients honestly the women showed up more frequently.... for all you men that think that it's really good for your ego trust me the girl that just robbed you outta you hard earned money is laughing when you leave.. I only say this because it's true!!!!   I was the best and could do things you only dream about... because I love sex it excites me the feeling absolutely is the best feeling in the world to me!!!  All you men there are plenty of women that will do remarkable things for you all you need is confidence you all don't have to pay for it!!!!!!!   

Prostitutes Themselves - Someone - Mar 2nd 2013

Something that has not been raised in this discussion is the fact that prostitutes are generally more attractive than civilian women. Most Western women over about 30 are pretty unattractive - ugly, flabby, man-haters. Even most women under 30 are fairly unattractive. By contrast, hookers are usually young and pretty - they wouldn't make any money, otherwise. In Britain, we are inundated by young Eastern European hookers who look like models and charge relatively little for sex. In blunt terms, normal British women cannot compete with them as sexual pleasure-givers. I mean, who would ride around in a crap car when they can get a Porsche for less money?

It's a no-brainer. Women hate prostitutes and immigration because they cannot stand the heat of sexual competition.

Just got tired of the bulls**t - - Mar 1st 2013

Even chimpanzees do it:

But on a personal note.... Women only have recreational sex with the socially dominant extroverted type (20% of all men).  All men know that, all women know that but they don't admited.  Why is that? I think it is because they are on the "Team women" side.  So they shame the men that engage in "the hobbie". And in doing so, they make sure that they get their kicks with the so-called alphas, and the women that are not so attractive can still get a nice beta provider while she gets fatter and fatter.

Go team women! 

Keep men thinking that their masculinity is tied to seducing women and keeping them happy, when it is absolutly clear to everyone that actually wants to see, that men that already got out of this male-slave mentality (usually rich/famous) men that don't tie their masculinity to females do engage in prostitution.  Thank god for feminism and the internet. If it wasn't for these 2 we the 80% would still be sad betas stuck in marrieges with either an nagging aging ex-hot girl that only wanted us after her best years or a plesant fatty. The next 100 years are gonna be great, their gig is almost up.  Women are going to have to carry their own wheight for once in history, or they can do what women do best and not be ashamed of it.  I for one am all for it. Check it out men, the feme's shaming tatics:

We are men not slaves, we too have options.

Hypergamy - Someone - Feb 24th 2013

*Never before has society (western & other places) been so free with moral rules and laws about unmarried sexual partners and recreational sex, yet lots of the men posting are acting as though there's no other option than to play for play these days.*

But women are only interested in recreational sex with 20% of men - celebrities, thugs and the like. This is the perennial Schwerpunkt in your argument.

It's the oldest profession for a reason - - Feb 14th 2013

Well I started seeing prostitutes at 24 while in college. For me it started because I was much more intense emotionally then and had avoided real dating and intimacy for years due to the consequences of childhood sexual abuse like bullying as well as dysfunctional parents with their own mental health problems. 13 years later prostitutes are mainly who I see for sexual needs. It still makes sense for physical needs for me. I'm still very avoidant with normal women, even though I am a very attractive man. Also I live in a big city alone with no family and only minimal friends. Those two are the major ways men meet their girlfriends and spouses. I've bounced around jobs too, and without some stability it's hard to meet the kind of women I want to meet. So the major reasons for me are: 1. avoidance/taking it way too slow for most women I've met, 2. Where I am, a big city alone, 3. Lack of friends, 4. Luck, I've asked out women before but most have boyfriends or are married or are at work and that's not a good idea. I lost my last job because of a woman. Here are some of my suggestions for the other men here:

1. Get a hobby that's with other people, hiking, painting classes, church, community sports leagues, museums etc

2. Make male friends. Sounds strange but that's how you meet women, friends of friends. BBQs, etc etc

3. Work on yourself as far as shyness, intimacy issues, mental health issues, etc. CBT self help books are great, etc. Take care of your health needs and other needs first. Just try. Accept yourself as you are and realize others have just as many problems, just in other ways.

Realize that if you have been not dating and seeing prostitutes for a while that it will take a lot of effort and time to change. It's ok though, you can do it but you have to start somewhere. I'm mid thirties now and am really wanting a partner to do things with like vacation, relax and have mutual emotional support etc. I feel I'm halfway there but at the moment am completely alone. So I continue to see prostitutes about 2 times per year for sexual needs.

I think of it as being in the Navy or something like that as far as when I do meet and date normal women. Plenty of men saw and still do see prostitutes while in the military and it doesn't effect their later lives with wives and girlfriends. It was just what was available to them at the time, no guilt or judgements period. Men and women ARE very different so no romantic illusions judgements please! That's mainly a womans fantasy world anyways.

So it is simply the best way for many men to get their physical needs met period. No "expert" has any business or right to judge you for anything. If they do just ignore them, they are incompetent anyways.

Now it's amazing how culture and it's morals effect the way "experts" see these things. In Thailand and most of the "civilized"(Europe) world prostitution is legal. America is a relatively very puritanical society as far as sex. It's a completely different story as far as violence, go figure.

Prostitution should absolutley be legal in America. It's no ones business what two consenting adults do if no one is conciously being harmed period. In the case of pimps, if you buy an item from a vendor that was actually stolen or "hot" is that your fault? Nope it has nothing to do with the buyer if the seller doesn't mention that it is derived from "illegal" and/or harmful methods. There are also plenty of independent prostitutes, many do it to pay for grad school or just want to make a lot of money doing a relatively risky thing. It's only risky because of the societally judgement of it through laws. If it was legalized and regulated the risk would go way down as well as the exploitation. A lot of women wouldn't do it too because the risk is what makes the price relatively high. So there you go.

Oh Wanda - Odd Jobs John - Jan 23rd 2013

""Interesting attitudes from sex worker customers (or those who think it's the only option).  Never before has society (western & other places) been so free with moral rules and laws about unmarried sexual partners and recreational sex, yet lots of the men posting are acting as though there's no other option than to play for play these days.""

And why even care? So what if I don't want to go through some lengthy tedious, costly process to win someone over?

""They blame women, they blame the myth of higher sex drive, they point to stereotypes-- what I don't much of hear are stories about their applying dating and wooing techniques that work, getting profressional (theraputic) help for their underlying problems that make being attractive a barrier, or understanding and working with their target gender's basic ways of working.""

Or, again why even bother with that when they can just go to some massage parlor and get immediate relief?

""Yes, shouting out in a crowded bar that you want to get laid and pointing to a lack of takers on that (no doubt tempting) offer won't work.  Women don't work that way. Maybe guys would take that offer if reversed, but women aren't guys! I know: groundbreaking.  So instead of treating a women like a man and then getting frustrated with results, why not get to learn about real women, by first being friends and non-sexually predatory, or reading about them and what makes them tick?""

Uh huh, and if just want sex and no attachments, then what?

""The very idea that women are expected to provide men with sex on demand is offensive, so I hope those who truly believe this continue to pay sex workers for this exchange and leave the lonely, lust-filled, decent, lovely, down-to-earth women who want sex with security, friendship, and a stable relationship free to find the guys who also are compatible with their attitudes towards relationships.""

And it is equally offensive for men to be at the complete control of women. I thought feminists were all about equality.

""Hopefully such men who comment favourably on using prostitutes can be kept out of the normal, healthy relationship pool indefinitely-- it would be tragic to have someone carry attitudes that work in a brothel to a relationship where the commodity is mutual joy and pleasure and no one is talking about how much the dollar value for service can be better found elsewhere.""

Haha, not so normal anymore:


why I use prostitutes - The good john - Jan 21st 2013

There are various reasons men use prostitutes:

1. Some men are stuck in horrible sexless marriages and still want to get their fix without sacrificing their marriages;

2. Some men don't have the time and patiences to find a partner and mantain a long term relationship, mostly because they have a busy life and career, or because they don't want to jump through for women for the small change of sex;

3. Some do it just for the thrill;

4. Some men are just sh*it out of luck with women, either because they are shy or unattractive or just have a hard time meeting women.

As for myself, I am a combination of 2 and 4.

After years of vain attempts of getting a relationship, I said 'screw this' and paid a hooker for my first sexual experience. It was not how I imagined my first time ofcourse, but I figured I had nothing to lose at that point. Now I'm still a regular comstumer of prostitutes (it's legal in my country).

Is sex with a prostitute perfect ? No, ofcourse not. I wont deny I sometimes miss the chemistry during sex with a prostitute, but hey, relationships and marriage aren´t perfect either. I just make the best with what I have available and I don´t care what people think. What I do with my money and bod is my bussiness and I don´t have to justify myself to anyone.

Women dont seem to get it - The good john - Jan 21st 2013


 Disillusioned - Apr 18th 2011


  Most men want to meet a centerfold or a model and don\'t really care about the rest.  Can you imagine the social pressure?  Yet these women do NOT turn to male prostitutes for relief."

That's because they don't have to. Even average looking women can always get laid with a little effort. We men can't. There are women using male scorts by the way.

Please don't use the old excuse that women's sex drives are less than men.  That is absolutely untrue.  That story is some old wives tale that people use to make sure that women are not recognized as sexual beings.  Women that I know, love and crave sex and often go without. They often turn to masturbation and may even use porn to stimulate themselves, but they don't turn to people who offer sex for money."

Are you kidding ? It's a commonly known fact women have a lower sex drive than men, unless they have baby rabies or use sex as a weapon to get something from a man. 

"Some men buy sex because they can and they make excuses for the all the reasons that this should be acceptable.  If you truly believe that purchasing sex is normal, then you would share this information with anyone that you encounter, including family.  If you believe that what you are doing by purchasing another human being is perfectly okay, then why hide it.  We all  know why most of people hide it and that is because they know it is wrong."

It's not about what you or I think, it's about what society as a whole thik. And society thinks we\'re a bunch of sick perverted freaks, 'paying rapists' and 'losers who can't get any'. A lot of men use hookers, but they won't admit because it's not PC.

" If someone was buying the services of your sister, mother or daughter, how would you feel."

If it's their choice, so be it. There many horrible jobs in the world, but only when women do it, it's considered sexist and exploitation.

Can you possibly imagine that some day you may meet the love of your life and you want to share everything with her?  Are you going to be able to look that special person in the eye and tell her that you did this? 

She doesn't need to know, it in the past and none of her bussiness. When she was in her college days she probably also got laid by many different boys. 

@ Wanda Nov 25th

"Interesting attitudes from sex worker customers (or those who think it\'s the only option).  Never before has society (western & other places) been so free with moral rules and laws about unmarried sexual partners and recreational sex, yet lots of the men posting are acting as though there\'s no other option than to play for play these days."

The rpoblem is that only very men profit from the sexual lberation of today. The truth is that most women are only interested in 20% of men, and it's only those men that really get all the ladies. The rest of us men are left behind with our d*cks in our hands.

"They blame women, they blame the myth of higher sex drive"

Again, it's not a myth.

"Yes, shouting out in a crowded bar that you want to get laid and pointing to a lack of takers on that (no doubt tempting) offer won't work.  Women don't work that way."

Indeed, women don't work that way. And some of us men don't have the tie and patient to deal with those differences. That's why we skip the BS and get a hooker instead.

Seriously, why are you women so offended by prostitution ? Are you so butthurt your sexual monopoly is taken away from you ?


most men have mental ptoblems - bobo - Jan 14th 2013

I have seem many prostitutes as friends  and have helped many but cannot see how or why a man in his right mind would want to pay for sex. they are big actors and liers and that is what they meed to do to get work and more stupid men. I know some men may have genuine reasons but most do not and i would say they are addicted to it as an alcoholic is to alcohol or a drug addict to drugs but cannot stop. Most go out of the building looking more sad then when they entered.

my observations - John (not my real name) - Jan 10th 2013

When does classificationism turn into bigotry? The article attempts to classify all men who visit prostitutes into some sort of deviant class. Either the man is a hypersexualized lech, a woman hater, or is a loser who is "afraid of intimacy". When will people realize that "johns" and "providers" are adult people engaged in what amounts to a sexual orientation or preference?

In responce to Wonda - - Dec 24th 2012

When I first red your comment right away I thought ok, here is another women trying to blame us men for our own unfortunate reality in dating. Like we are just making up excuses why we cant get a girl friend and pay for prostitutes. But then I thought about it... I cant totally disagree with everything you are saying. I cant speak for other guys. I can only speak for my self. So here is the long and the short of it. It seems to me most guys put way to much importance on just getting laid. Like who cares if she has feelings or emotions. As long as we men can get laid that is all that matters.

Well, I'm not that much of a pig about it! In fact, I can tell you a few times in my life I could have had meaningless sex, even a three some with these really young girls and I didn't because of the guilt I would have felt if I had done that. Having sex with some one is a pretty big deal. IMO. Yes people do just hook up and have sex with each other and not really care for one another. And to be honest as long as no one gets hurt I see nothing wrong with two adults enjoying one another through sexual intercourse. In fact I'm envious of people who just get together for a bootie call. I would rather do that then pay some hooker $300 an hour just to show me sexual satisfaction. So why do I pay for it? I have come on this forum a few times and commented on here... There are lots of resins why I do what I do. I can tell you Im 40 and don't know what a girl friend is... How can that be? Well, lets take the obvious. The few times I really wanted to be with some one and not just want sex but REALLY wanted to be with her I got burned time and time again to the point that I convinced my self I'm just not dating material...

Hell I never even got to go out on one date with these women who I really liked... Never got to see what they were really like out side of there work space. I'm very sensitive when it comes to women and maybe that is what holds me back. Most men who have no trouble dating are a mans man. The deep man voice, the way he caries him self. His height. his masculinity. Me? I'm 5'7, pretty much a wimp when it comes down to it... I may look mean and tough but I'm not. I wouldn't hurt a fly. I'm not comfortable with my looks. I know most women don't think I'm a catch when they first see me... Some do but when I see girls in a mall or on the street they wont even look my way... Yet I could be looking right at them and its as if I'm totally invisible to them. So now I'm thinking women think I'm ugly. That's why I cant even maintain eye contact. Most of my life I worked construction or trucking on the road so meeting women in this line of work doesn't let me meet the opposite sex.... Only way I can meet women is when I'm off work. Do you have any idea how hard it is to go to a night club by your self because your friends are either married with families or they just don't like going out so you end up going your self, and walking into a place where most of the people are at least 15 years younger then you are, already part of there own crowd, already have steady boyfriends and most of the guys are younger and better looking who already have social status with the women in this club and your left standing in a corner feeling totally out of place and left out??

Ok so maybe trendy Night Clubs isn't for you, why not try a dating service?? Been there done that..., Cupid Junction, Plenty of Fish, Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, Adult Friend Finder. Facebook, Twitter and MySpace are not really dating services but any time I go on there I might as well delete my account... I swear... Those sites are ONLY for people who have a lot of friends, (witch I don't..) good looking models who pose in bra and panties so they can get 115 comments from guys and women kissing there ass how good looking they are, or celebrities... Guys like me who don't have looks, or popularity, or status might as well not even bother going on there... Same with those other sites I mentioned.

Its come down to, its to heart breaking and frustrating dating women and way to easy to pay for Hookers and Strippers. I don't even bother going to bars or clubs any more. Now a days clubs and bars really aren't a "single's" scene any more. You get more couples going to these venues now a days it seems. Or you get your bitchy, flaky bar chicks who seem to hate men who wont even let you talk to them cause they right away think your just another creep trying to take them home or rape them or something. I have more fun at strip joints doing shots with hot strippers, going for private lap dances, getting the strippers phone number or on occasion sleeping with them for money or to "help" them out with there house or car payments... Believe me I wish I could change this situation. Ok so why not lower your standards? You seems like a nice guy. I'm sure there are lots of women out there who are also not high in looks who sit at home alone on a Saturday night feeling lonely.

It almost makes sense to do that doesn't it?? Problem is, it isn't going to happen... Same resin why I wont just sleep with some one. Unless there is REAL attraction and chemistry, I wont do it. Back when I was a "nice guy" I had three women who were butt ugly, 250 pounds who thought I was the man of there dreams because I was so nice to them and didn't judge them. BUT no way would I ever want to date them or sleep with them... NO WAY!! Its not fair to them or me. So, they got heart broken because I turned out to be like all the other guys, just looking for a pretty girl and not give them a chance because they were over weight and way below average in looks. I guess the same resin why women wont date me? I'm not over weight but I'm not GQ...

This is the whole problem right here! People are to different from one another. We all know in our minds and in out hearts what we are looking for in a mate. What I'm seeing way to often is, you cant even spot a cute single girl. It see so many younger women are already in relationships. I mean even when I go into the strip clubs. I'll see two or three attractive girls walk in, and right behind them are two or three douche bag looking drugged out looser with these sexy young girls. It seems to me once you turned 40, if you haven't found some one by now, its too late... Some where you missed the boat... Most good looking women in there 20's already have some one. Its rare to find some one who is attractive who is actually single for very long. If there was a way I could make my self six feet tall and look more like Justin Bieber I would in a heart beat! And if any one knows any plastic surgeons who could make me look that good I will make an appointment right now to see him/her!



Blaming everything and anyone but oneself - Wanda - Nov 25th 2012

Interesting attitudes from sex worker customers (or those who think it's the only option).  Never before has society (western & other places) been so free with moral rules and laws about unmarried sexual partners and recreational sex, yet lots of the men posting are acting as though there's no other option than to play for play these days.

They blame women, they blame the myth of higher sex drive, they point to stereotypes-- what I don't much of hear are stories about their applying dating and wooing techniques that work, getting profressional (theraputic) help for their underlying problems that make being attractive a barrier, or understanding and working with their target gender's basic ways of working.

Yes, shouting out in a crowded bar that you want to get laid and pointing to a lack of takers on that (no doubt tempting) offer won't work.  Women don't work that way. Maybe guys would take that offer if reversed, but women aren't guys! I know: groundbreaking.  So instead of treating a women like a man and then getting frustrated with results, why not get to learn about real women, by first being friends and non-sexually predatory, or reading about them and what makes them tick?

The very idea that women are expected to provide men with sex on demand is offensive, so I hope those who truly believe this continue to pay sex workers for this exchange and leave the lonely, lust-filled, decent, lovely, down-to-earth women who want sex with security, friendship, and a stable relationship free to find the guys who also are compatible with their attitudes towards relationships.

Hopefully such men who comment favourably on using prostitutes can be kept out of the normal, healthy relationship pool indefinitely-- it would be tragic to have someone carry attitudes that work in a brothel to a relationship where the commodity is mutual joy and pleasure and no one is talking about how much the dollar value for service can be better found elsewhere.

In responce to Dr Allan Schwartz - Hank (Not my real name) - Aug 28th 2012

QUOTE: What I want to suggest to all of these men is that something is preventing you from meeting the right woman. I do not know what the obstacles are except that they should be able to. Women, just like men, are looking for the right partner and they too are having difficulty. Something seems to get in the way of these men and women.

This is very Black and White advice Allan... There are a lot of factors that go into people meeting and wanting to date one another. Looks, Chemistry, feelings, emotions, all that come into play... You can spend most of your life searching for these things and never find them...

You can meet a very attractive women who you like physically, and also like her because she is smart, classy, and well educated and you just love to be around her. Then you find out she's just not into you in that way or she's already in a serious steady relationship with some one else.

For the life of me I have no idea how people do it... Its like you see couple's every where yet how and why did they meet and now there together? I do notice that most of the guys are some what handsome looking and tall.

All I know is I have never had any luck with women. I guess if your just a below average nice guy and look for more personality or if you two have something in common, and looks aren't high on your scale of seeking a mate then yes it is easy to just get a girl friend. How ever I believe unless you have all the right Attributes to attract the type of women who you are really interested in, your going to have a much harder time getting into a relationship. Its as simple as that...


Hey SAM - DEF - Jul 4th 2012

Comparing yourself to others is a TRAP, and leads nowhere good! We're all different - so just do new stuff, meet new people - until something good happens. Life is hard (for everybody) I can find you people who complain about 'how hard it is to be good looking', seriously!!  And young guys should stay away from Ho's (luckily young guys are poor) can't afford them and you will piss away all your money. 40+ is when the money curve intersects the sex drive curve, then you can afford Ho's!!

Re: What's preventing me from meeting the right women? - SaM - Jun 18th 2012

Rejection... Im sick and tired of being the short below avarage looking guy. I blame the creator weather that's our parents, or God. Im ignored on Facebook when I post pictures of my self. Yet some chick posing in her thong will get 20 men and women kissing her ass just because she has a great body.

Same with guys who are very fit. Im 40 years old, I can only work out once or twice a week so there's no way I can look like some 20 year old with a ripped body...

Im only interested in vary stuning young girls. That will never change. If I lowered my standards and dated women who are suppose to be in my leage it will never work out. I cant just fall in love with some one for there persionality.

I can fall in love with some one who is really cute and attractive. Then I want to get to know her. If I was with some unnatractive over weight women I would feel even more depressed. I would always be checking out the young cuties and wishing I was with them instead.

Lots of guys on here say they just want sex. For me that is true but I want some one special to spend my time with out side of the bed room. If I was with some one who Im not attracted to I would just feel more miserable...

So there for I would rather be single. Why be held down with some one your not interested in? Its noy fair to me or her. I dont like paying for women but I guess its better then feeling like a reject because I dont have the strong jaw lines and cheek bones and perfect nose like other guys do and Im not 6 feet tall. Like I said the creator is to blame.

He thought we should all just love each other for what's on the inside but he goes and makes certing men and women look like models and the rest of us gets left in the dust because we dont look likt that.

God might think every one is beautifule in his eyes but God isn't out there on a Saturday night in some loud night club getting rejected by women.

Because they CAN! - Def - Jun 15th 2012

Guys are simple, we have 2 emotions, horny and hungry - if he doesn't have a hard-on, make 'im a sandwich...

Seriously, if you flip this question over to it's gay side - the real reason people and society in general are afraid of male homosexuality? It's that 2 guys who can satisfy each other will never, ever, ever do anything BUT that, satisfy each other. Male drive is that strong. Makes people jealous, so it must be stopped!

So if a guy sees an opportunity to have sex (without negative consequence) he will take it. The Consequence of the Prostitute is that it costs, unless people find out, then there is also a social consequence. Discretion is a must to avoid this, therefore it must remain in the shadows.



Its slim pickings out there - Clif - Jun 10th 2012

I'm in my late 30's. I travel all over. Now you would think I would have a better time meeting women being all over the country right? Wrong... I'm not a social butterfly and it seems to me any decent looking women I see most of the time have boy friends. I think the reality is, if your a young guy who is tall and handsome looking with lots of friends and confidence you will have no problem meeting women and dating and getting a decent girl friend. If your much older and don't have social connections then you have to rely on dating services or playing the rejection numbers game. I'm a pretty sensitive guy and the few times I tried to meet any one in a night club it didn't go very well. I find a lot of women to be very unfriendly and even rude when all your trying to do is even talk to them.


Now you could say its probably me? No, I don't believe so... I see a few guys get shot down from women in clubs. I know of a few men who have been on Plenty of Fish for over three years and only got two responses from women online. This tells me that now a days women are just as, if not more picky then men are. So, the problem is, with a Prostitute all you have to do is look up Escort ads, and pick what girl your interested in seeing and call her up, set up a date, pay her rate witch is usually around $300 an hour and have an intimate encounter with her. Or take her out to dinner and "pretend" your on an actual date with an attractive girl. I agree its not the right thing to do and not the answer but what is a guy to do when he just cant meet the right women?



Women Lie - Almidano Artifoni - May 30th 2012

Dear Doctor, the reason why men use prostitutes is, fundamentally, that prostitutes do not lie. Women usually say that they want a life companion who understands them, has sense of humor, is emotionally available etc. That's bulls**t, and they crack it only to sound nice. The only thing they want is TO HAVE CHILDREN ON SOMEONE ELSE'S (POSSIBLY HUGE) SALARY. 


Your paying for a living Blow Up Doll - - May 27th 2012

When it comes down to it, your paying for a living breathing blow up doll. I got lots of Escort sites saved on my computer and I realised something... Most of the Escorts aren't even very pretty, some even have there faces hidden but they all have great barbie doll type bodies.

 Big fake breast, tight tiny wastes, nice tanned legs. So it comes down to paying for a living breathing person rather then masturbate to a porno mag or an X Rated movie or buying one of those inflatable blow up dolls. Least for me that's how it is.

Your not paying an Escort to see what kind of personality she has, or to see if you two have any chemistry, though, if you do find an Escort who you are more comparable with and there is more physical

chemistry between the two of you the sex will be better I think. But as I said, it really comes down to having sex with a playmate who looks like she could be in one of those X rated movies.

The thing is... - Less Fortunate - May 26th 2012

It's just like everyone else is saying. I can't get a girlfriend. I'm funny, witty, sometimes a few find me cute, but those are very very few, and so I gave up, and gave in. I've had a total of 3 girflriends, so I eventually wanted to lose my virginity, and joined a swinging site at the age of 32. Even after joining THAT site, it took me 4 months to find someone to lose it with. 4 MONTHS.

So yes, I've seen prostitutes, and even if you throw them into the mix, you know how often I have sex every year? 5-8 times tops. TOPS. If I could go to counseling, or find out how to date, I would do it in a heartbeat, but I'm socially retarded. Completely socially retarded. Oh sure girls want to hangout with me 4-5 days a week, but the second I ask that same girl out, they get scared and run off and run away. Silly me, wanting a hug. How dare I! I must be abusing women and hate them somehow.

Women are just as shallow as men, if not more so. I see women all over the place who are honestly 4's, getting it on with multiple 10's. MULTIPLE 10's. So of course I'm a bit frustrated.

And then all you "social haves" just say "Why don't you just get married?" Um...right. WHO THE HELL WOULD MARRY ME? Just tell me. My only qualifications are 1) not psycho 2) actually wants to be around me. Ready? Go! See, told you you couldn't find one either.

Either you've got it or you don't - Billy Bob - May 19th 2012

I've hired prostitutes/escorts for the very same reason the other commenters on this web page have! Not because it's first choice, but because it's our only choice. Of course I'd rather have a traditional girlfriend or wife, but guess what? That's never going to happen! I've had dates but all have been disasters. Result always the same, pay the restaurant tab and never get any sex in return. Doesn't matter how polite I am, how rich/poor I seem, how fancy my car is or how hard I try. Women have never been romantically attracted to me, so there is no point in dating. All it is is an unfair waste of time for myself and the woman with the mind games, awkwardness, stalled conversations which leads to rejection, frustration and embarrassment. So I understand the discrimination society can put you through if finding out you see a prostitute/escort. We're unfairly called dirty old men or perverts when all we want is a normal sex life. And why is it okay a stud can have sex with dozens of women monthly whenever he wants, but if guys like us even attempt to have it once every two years, we're labeled perverts? Well guess what? Whether ugly or good looking, all men deserve some kind of sexual experience otherwise what's the point of living? And if unfortunate souls like us have to pay for it than so be it. You only live once so it's better to pay for it than do nothing at all.

Female Hypergamy.... - - Apr 28th 2012

Dr. Schwartz, many men are telling you they just can't get into relationships.  You say "something" is holding them back....

I know what is "holding" me back....

My parents slapped each other around and I'd rather not risk being in a relationship.  You might recomend therapy but it is not something I can afford, nor would I want to subject myself to the pain and embarrassment.  For some of us prostitution or celibacy are our only options.  As I'm getting older, my sex drive is decreasing.  This is a wonderful thing.  I have less and less desire for sex and am happier in solitude.

FOUR WORDS: I GOT MY SHARE - redfishbluefish - Apr 1st 2012

"Why do men go to prostitutes?"  Coming from a woman, the question is understandable--we can put it down to simple vanity, cluelessness or sexlessness.  In the mouth of a man, though, I've always found it disingenuous, if not sadistic.  For the careful reader, the subtext of your query runs something like this: "As a Boulder resident with multiple sexy degrees and unlimited opportunities to display them to impressionable University of Colorado coeds and middle-aged women in crisis, I just can't imagine why all men don't get their money for nothing and their chicks for free."  In other words, you are a lot like the athletically gifted six-and-a-half-footer who used to get in my face after gym class: "Dude, you were open right under the basket.  Why didn't you just dunk it?"
  I think, though, that my subconscious has found a way to handle guys like you: after sixteen years of seeing beautiful and congenial ladies of the demimonde, and a lifetime of never getting a sexual freebie in any way, shape, or form, I've discovered in myself a strange pride at never having dealt with an amateur in the erotic field, as well as a growing resolution, never to do so.  Feel free to explicate the monstrous compensation dynamic, which I'm sure underlies this feeling. 
P.S.:  To the respondent who mentioned Jennifer Love Hewitt: I don't know whether you've seen The Client List, but you might be interested to know that the real-life counterpart of her character in that movie was actually more attractive than the actress.  If you think I'm bragging here, you're right.  (Again, bring on the analysis.)


I dont like paying for it - Cory Jamson - Mar 29th 2012

If it wasn't so hard or awkward and much easier to get women for free I would. I agree with Bill's comment. Women have all the choices. Just the other day I was at a lounge and I saw a girl, kinda cute, no drop dead gorgeous model but cute girl next door, and she was with this guy who looked like he could be a line backer for the Dallas Coyboys! This dude must have been 6'6. he wasn't the most handsome looking but

I always found women seem to like big or tall guys. I think its an insecure issue for women. I red some where some women quated and said they prefere taller men because they feel more protected around them. They just dont want to feel like they have to protect the man there with if he's shorter then she is or even the same height.

As any one knows there is nothing any guy can do about his height after the age of 25. So, if a guy is short like me, Im only 5'7, then Im pretty much screwed?? Its just not fair. If I knew with confidence I could date a girl who is in Jennifer Love Hewitt's category I would instead of paying a prostitute who is in Jennifer Love Hewitt's category just for meaningless sex.

Why men seek prostitutes - Bill - Mar 28th 2012

Okay, let's try a little social experiment here. Ladies, next Friday, walk into a busy nightclub, get on the p.a. system and announce, Hi, I'm single and lonely. I would like to sleep with someone tonight. Let me know how many people get hurt in the stampede. Now guys, you do the same thing. I'll buy you a beer after you get laughed out of the building.

The point is women dont understand a mans sexual appetite because they live in a world where if they want it, they pretty much can have it. 

As men, do we want the deeper, more intimate relationship? Sure. But the process is different for us. A woman is in the position to pick and choose from several suiters who she wishes to pursue. The man must throw everything at the wall until something sticks.

We must deal with rejection after rejection, and believe me, it takes its toll. Our self esteem erodes, our confidence erodes, our standards erode. Enter the prostitute.

You mean I have a choice between another weekend of rejection, in the hopes that THIS might be the night I get lucky? Or spend a designated amount of cash for a woman to come home with me, without the awkward baggage that comes with one night stands. 

I don't believe in seeing a prostitute if one is married or in a long term relationship. I dont think its wise to visit prostitutes as a substitution for pursuing a real relationship. I do believe, that an occasional prostitute is just what the doctor ordered for the single guys out there to fight off the lonliness.

For those who feel that paying for it is sad or parthetic, we will just agree to disagree. Still, by that logic, 'd better never see you in a local supermarket. Go out and hunt for your food, risking your family going hungry for a day. Me, Ill happily pay a little extra to purchase my meat at the supermarket, guaranteeing my family eats tonight.


its all physiological - Just Me - Mar 25th 2012

When I was growing up I realised how hard it was to get a girl friend.  I came from an old fashioned family and the few "nice guy" friends I had also had no game when it came to women. None of us were party animals or womanisers. We were just shy country boys wanting to meet the women of our dreams. What I have always realised, most women over the years were either only into the bad boys, the jocks, or they met there BF's through mutual friends. I for what ever resin never fit into any of those categories. I was just a shy, lonely and insecure person. Growing up in a small town I always found that most women were all ready taken. And to this very day its the same thing.

I find now a days even women who are not drop dead gorgeous beauty queens, but just on the attractive side, most of these women seem to already seem to be in steady relationships. Don't get me wrong, there are of course single women out there but most seem to already be taken from my point of view. I'm a truck driver in my late 30's and when I do get a few days off, I have no idea how to meet women. I go to clubs some times but I feel I don't fit in those places any more. Its all young 19-20 year old collage students and it seems unless your already part of that crowd your pretty much ignored. Women in these places will pretty much ignore you or just play the "buy is a drink" game for the most part. I have never had any luck with online dating services. When I here of guys saying they have been on Plenty of Fish for five years and only met ONE! single female then something is wrong. What's holding me back is my personality. I have become some what introverted over the years. I can talk to people, but I find it awkward to talk to strangers even talking to other guys. I feel some what socially awkward around people.

So, take that into account and the fact that I have NO luck with women and to me it seems either most women are already in steady relationships or they just seem stuck up and unapproachable, that is what is holding me back from getting into a relationship. And that is why I got into Prostitution. Also I think for me, its also living out a sexual fantasy. I got hooked on porn at a young age and never being with a women for the most part and watching hot women having sex with these lucky studs on film also made me want to live out that sexual fantasy. I often look into some of these porn actresses to see if they may Escort on the side and lots of female porn stars do Escort. I agree with Allan when he says its a meaningless way to pay for women but I also think Dr Schwartz is a bit naive in thinking that any one should be able to get into a relationship. Not every one out there can find some one who will want to go out with them. I have asked out a few attractive girls who I just wanted to get to know better and have diner or drinks with and all I ever got was "sorry I have a boy friend" or they made up some excuse they work all the time and have no time to date any one witch is a lie of course...

Answers - Somebody - Mar 18th 2012

What gets in the way?

Simple: women's attitudes. Too many of them hate sex and hate men and have unrealistic attitudes and expectations spoon-fed into them by the feminist mass media.

to Allan N. Schwartz, Phd - - Mar 17th 2012

>In my opinion, escorts are a poor substitute for the real thing and all of you deserve the "real thing," a partner who is committed, warm and loving.

What do you believe gets in the way of so many people?<

Isn't it obvious? Men just want sex, only women want intimacy. And 'intimacy' doesn't have to involve any touching, as she probably gets off just messing with his head. And this the reason most married guys end up either getting 'p'whipped' or go cheating.    

Lonely Men - Allan N. Schwartz, Phd - Mar 13th 2012

Many comments reflect the fact that there are a lot of lonely men out there who never seem to meet a woman and have a close intimate relationship.

I am certain that the reasons why these men have so much difficulty meeting women vary greatly from one man to the other.

What I want to suggest to all of these men is that something is preventing you from meeting the right woman. I do not know what the obstacles are except that they should be able to. Women, just like men, are looking for the right partner and they too are having difficulty. Something seems to get in the way of these men and women.

In my opinion, escorts are a poor substitute for the real thing and all of you deserve the "real thing," a partner who is committed, warm and loving.

What do you believe gets in the way of so many people?

Dr. Schwartz

This is obvious - Lonelyman - Mar 13th 2012


What if a man who really wants to have a sexual life and be in love with a woman never meet that woman? I am almost 32 and I have never had a girlfriend. I've had 2 dates in my whole life. I am a nice and gentle person, but I am not that handsome and goodlooking. And believe me, I am not looking for a Pam Anderson or Jennifer Anniston, I just want an average woman who really wants to share my feelings, my dreams and my life with, but it has not been possible.

Can you figure out how I feel? No woman in my entire life has kissed me without paying the price (cash, money), no woman in my entire life has been able to touch me or make love without money. And believe me: I have tried a lot: at work, at clubs, internet websites to know people, my friends' female coworkers or sisters, etc, etc. I have been rejected all my life. The 2 dates I had were possible because they had never seen me before.

I am sure I would not have to use escort services if I had a woman in my life. Hell, I am not a pervert, I would just like some kisses, sweetness, talking and making love without any kind of kinky practice. I go with escort ladies because

The truth for a lot of guys is... - Anonymous - Mar 4th 2012

Well for me Im not married Im VERY single as I've been my whole entire life. It really comes down to options. I can "try" and meet women online or in a night club but "if" Im lucky I might actually get to talk to an attractive girl or if Im really lucky I might get her phone number and with my luck she will either forget who I am the next day if I text her, or she will not even bother to respond back to my text message.

I can call up an Escort any time and she will 99% of the time be available.

 (Unless she's booked up for the evening)

And lets face it, browse through the Escort sites. You have your choice of young 18-20 year olds to 45-55 year olds from play mate models, to BBW's to Black women to Asian women. There are lots of really beautiful attractive women who Escort.

The down side of course is your lowering your self to pay a women to spend time with you. That and not all Escorts give good service. It can be a shady business. But I can say over all, most of the women I have spent time with treated me like a king.

Its sad to say that the women I pay for treated me better and never rejected me like normal women did. And lets face it, even the avarage or bellow avarage looking women didn't seem to be banging down my door to ever want to go out with me.

So that is why I pay for Escorts.

Thailand - - Feb 28th 2012

Just go to Thailand and you won't feel it's any big deal to pay prostitutes for sex. I didn't even know it was a prostitute I had taken home with me.

excuse me - - Feb 27th 2012

please define "ILLICIT"

If the escort puts out instead of selling, how is that 'illicit?'

mmm - ant - Feb 20th 2012


i have used prostitutes for over 20 years - i am 45 am have probably 30 (non prostitute) relationships under my proverbial belt.

I have been married for 15 years to a beautiful women with a high libido (she is succesful as a MD  - consultant in the uk)

but i am still driven to nights - once a week to booking a prostitute.

i am not that interested in sex with my wife - although she is to others very attractive.

any clues to my \\

My Reply to Dr. Schwartz - Minx - Feb 20th 2012

The real resin why I  have used Escorts as I said before, is really desperation. I never wanted to get into this. I have never had any luck with women. I always imagined that one day I would meet some one really beautiful, on the out side as well as on the inside. But for what ever resin that just never happened.

When I would meet some one I really liked, she always had a boy friend or she would flake out on me. I was always sexually interested in women but most of all I just wanted some one really special to spend my life with.

At the age of 32 is when I started paying for women. Now at age 40 I'm still paying for women. But to be honest the experience just made me feel even more empty inside. The sex wasn't even that great. It all depended on the Escort. Some Escorts were just mechanical while some really did make me feel like they were my girl friend for the hour I paid to be with them.

I've red on here some people saying lower your standards and date less attractive women. And I have done that but the chemistry just wasn't there. Either I just wasn't into her or she wasn't into me or we both just weren't into each other. If your just looking for a hot body and a way to get off and have meaningless sex, Prostitutes is the only way to go.

I know a few men who pay for this and there resin for the most part is, there's no way they could ever date the beautiful women they wanted unless they paid for it. These men know there not good looking and know no hot 20 year old would give them the time of day. So, they call up some hot 20 year old escort to either have dinner with them or have sex with them in a hotel room. Some men just pay Escorts just to go on dates with.

I paid this really pretty stripper I met in a strip club who also escorts on the side $300 bucks just to have dinner with me for the hour. So, not all men just use Escorts for sex but most do I suppose. Right now my problem is low self esteem. I have no desire to even go out and try and meet women.

See I believe that is also a real problem. Men who don't have confidence or any luck with women who are frustrated and tired of feeling rejected or the only women they can get are women who are not at all attractive so that's is why they pay for Prostitutes. 

 No rejection, no numbers game, no going out to loud clubs, no browsing threw online ads waiting  for a reply they sent some women a week ago and never here back from here. Truth is... dating is just hard for some men. And that is why they pay for women.



another reason - - Feb 19th 2012

I'll give you another reason that isn't up there.  How about those who cannot get a girlfriend (like the way the article simply suggests a single guy just goes home to his girlfriend).  I'm in this situation where i've been single all my life, i'm 28 and never kissed a girl and only ever got one date.  Whilst i'm not an amazing catch I am reasonable ok looking and a nice guy (though probably come across as bitter on here), but no one seems to want to give me a chance.

I'm not wanting to list the what and whys, the fact is though it hasn't happenned for me yet despite lots of effort.  Thus at the age of 28 (soon to be 29) I question whether it ever will, for a few years I have thought about using protitution as it seems the only definetely solution.  I would love to have a girlfriend who I could love and cherish, but its not for happenning.  I'm not sure what will happen:

either (a) i find someone who wants me (b) my patients runs out and i use a escort (c) i died having never experienced those things.

as much as option (a) is clearly what I want, i would much prefer option (b) to (c).

"My Opinion" - - Feb 17th 2012


Thank you for being so very honest in submitting commmenting about your experience with seeing prostitutes over ten years of your life and for explaining some of your motives for doing so. In my opinion, that is very fascinating. Isn't the issue of "danger" and "doing something illicit" part of the excitement?

What are your opinions?

Dr. Schwartz

To Mike and Lisey - - Feb 17th 2012

Mike, the thrill of knowing of doing wrong and a chance of getting caught? No, that's not most, and anyone can surf a bit and find that most are as concerned about safety just as much as the guys that normally date and avoids direct sexual contact.


And Lisey, your advice doesn't apply at all to todays norm. Dating rituals and marriage are a thing of the past, and only apply to a few.

my opinion - Mike - Feb 16th 2012

As a man who used to frequent prositutes often in the past, perhaps i can shed some light on this. For me, it was pure addiction. An addiciton to the excitement I would get by walking into a strange womans hotel room. The thrill of knowing what i was doing was wrong, and there was a chance of being caught. Top that off with the fact that prostitutes are open to any forms of sexual contact, no matter how kinky or strange. All of this led to an awful compulsion that I was unable to kick for nearly 10 years. I would feel ashamed and down afterwards for a day or two, but then it would vanish. And for the record, I am a young atttractive guy who could get many women for free. This is my take, and I imagine many of other guys feel the same way.

RE: To Lisey - - Feb 12th 2012

I dont agree with you at all. In fact I hate your kind of advice. Telling men there trying to date women who are out of there league is just putting down men. Telling them they are ugly, there for they should date women who are also ugly and just love them for there persionality. Maybe some people can live like that but I cant. And I wont.

Its advice like yours that make men feel even more insecure. Who are you to tell any one who they should or should not choose to go out with? Hate to tell you this but, most relationships are based on looks. Your looks are the first thing a persons sees and judges weather you like it or not.

You really think a man who really wants to find the women of his dreams, who is very stunning, and also has a sweet persionality, is going to be happy with some unatractive looking chuby face, short hair with glassis and just love her for her persionality? I think not.

Just like most if not all women want to be with a man who is also handsome. Why should she settle for less?

When I here people say date with in your league, its like saying your ugly and you should only date ugly people. Mean while there could be that real cute blonde, or stunning bernette checking you out and now your to shy and insecure to talk to her or ask her out because some one like you tells him he should only date women who is in his league.

And maybe that is the big resin why men pay for women because they feel they have to pay for women.


um Lisey - - Feb 8th 2012

Why should he If one could pick up a prostitute for the same amount of expense as a date ? Sallowness really has nothing to do with it, it's about control.

Patience - Lisey - Feb 7th 2012

1. The person saying been born with a personality disorder precludes them from having any form of relationship thats ridiculous if you had therapy for your personality disorder you would be able to change your thinking and be able to form relationships. I do know a lot about personality disorders I have a diploma in them aside from my psychology therapist training and I know someone who is in remission and has been for 5 years from borderline personality disorder.


2. People who say they will never meet someone, my theory is you would meet someone suitable for you but you choose to be with a woman who is out of your league and chosen based upon your shallow vain choice to choose partners on looks find a girl with a personality that suits yours and stop judging women on looks and stay within your range.



Married men using prostitutes - dave - Jan 21st 2012

  What is the big mystery here? Women have been using sex as a weapon for years to get what they want. Mr. Dennis Hof,proprietor of the world renowned Bunny Ranch brothel,will tell you that his prostitutes do things for their married customers that their wives refuse to do. The wives believe that it is beneath them to please their husbands in bed.

   Men just put up with it and keep their mouthes shut in order to avoid more headaches and punishment. What is the big surprise here?

More thoughts - pete richards - Jan 19th 2012
thanks for your comments Dr Schwartz. But the empirical fact, rather than theory, is that the primary female motivation is security. Many, many women marry a man because he offers security in exchange for sex. This fact is so obvious that most prefer not to notice it. They want to live in a nice house in the right area, have access to quality shops and the status of being married. Yet many of them might not really like or even stand the man they are married to. In my view, this puts them are on the same level as a concubine or prostitute. Indeed it might be argued that they are on a lower level as they don't have the honesty to admit what they really are.

trying to cope and somehow understand - - Jan 9th 2012

2 years ago my husband was battling a serious drug addiction. One day I reluctantly occupanied him to a house where his friends lived. There was alot of drug use there and i felt very uncomfortable..At one point a woman showed up that I had gone to highschool with. However as the night progressed I learned that she was a prostitute.  Iwas extremely uncomfortable as she started trying to hook up with the men at the house.  At one point she stood in front of my husband and shaked her butt, I became worried but had no idea what was about to unfold.  AS the evening progressed my husband proceeded take a shower and went out and bought a new outfit, which i thought was strange..and even stranger as the woman hooked up with one of the men there he became angry and kept talking about how ugly the man was...Night turned into morning. and everyone began to leave or go home..Somehow it ended up with the only people there awake were me, my husband, and the prostitue..Mu husband went into the kitchen and the woman followed..they started whispering about something, and then I called him into the room...then she left... 30 minutes after she left my husband made a phone call and told me he had to go..i knew what he was about to do and I begged him to stay..before he left, he made the comment that he tried with me he returned an hour later.. and kept making the comment \\

one sided - Alf - Jan 6th 2012

**At the same time, despite protestations to the contrary, those men who frequent prostitutes are missing something deeper and more powerful that comes with intimacy. For those who are married and frequent prostitutes, something is wrong at home.**


Anyone being so genger biased in favor of females is suspect to be either a female masquerading as a male or a male that is whipped.

My Thoughts - - Jan 2nd 2012

Hi Pete Richards,

I have to agree with you that you are quite cynical about relationships. The driving forces behind intimate relationships are not money. They are the wish for closeness, the ability to have sexual relations with a partner that is loved and who loves back, the chance to  have and raise children and the chance to have and be part of a family.

Legalized and government regulated prostitution that prevents: enslavement, protects against sexualy transmitted diseases and prohibits child abuse and exploitation and that puts a stop to "pimping" and crime, might be okay for those who prefer going to a prostitute.

At the same time, despite protestations to the contrary, those men who frequent prostitutes are missing something deeper and more powerful that comes with intimacy. For those who are married and frequent prostitutes, something is wrong at home.

Dr. Schwartz

My thoughts - pete richards - Jan 1st 2012
Being perhaps a little cynical have always thought that money comes into all male/female relationships. As the old saying has it- the difference between sex for free and sex for money is that sex for free costs a lot more. Therefore why stigmatise direct(as opposed to indirect) payment? Given the present fractured and dysfunctional state of society, prostitutes, escorts and brothels could be said to provide a valuable service. However, in Britain this is a vanishing service as the government - composed (like most western governments) of little men in the service of big capital - has been campaigning to close down massage parlours. Due to a change in the law, the police can now seize the assets of the owners of such places ( often inoffensive middleaged women) in a form of legalised robbery. Thus depriving more and more men of sexual contact. In psychological terms, this will make these involuntary celibate males more aggressive, aggression that can be channeled into competing for and working hard in minimum wage jobs, or fighting in various futile no-win wars.

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