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Michael Adamowicz, LICSWMichael Adamowicz, LICSW
A Blog Concerning Life Issues, Mental Health and Psychotherapy

I Want to Get High

Michael W. Adamowicz, LICSW Updated: Sep 23rd 2010

Some time ago, I sent a text message to someone I know. I casually asked where they'd been because I hadn't heard from them in a while.

pile of pillsIn response, I got a string of messages. Each new paragraph starts a new text message. They are posted below. The only changes that I made were to correct the spelling and to remove a few words that could identify aspects of the person and their drug of choice.

While I have this person's verbal permission to post the messages, I think the theme is universal to drug addiction. Therefore, the message is best left gender neutral and anonymous.

***********

Me: Hey, where you been? Haven't heard from you in forever.

Them: Cuz I dont feel like talking. Cuz I'm going no where in life and if I feel like shutting my phone off and locking myself in my house and even hiding my car cuz I don't wanna talk, then I will.

It's sad what drugs do. Because they're so bad for you. And yet when you're high, all your problems go away and you feel the weight of the world gone. Ok? When you're not on drugs, all you ever can feel is the nasty, cold reality of the world...at your fingertips...on your shoulders. It's sad because I will always want to get high.

So to keep myself from getting high, I've barracaded myself from the world for three weeks.

Ok, you are my friend. I'm not just some asshole who doesn't wanna be your friend. That's ridiculous. It's not like that. Ok?

It's that I don't wanna do nothing but lay in my dirty, nasty bed and hope lightning somehow finds me; cuz it should have a long time ago.

In fact, I even wanna go get high, as high as I can, so that I can feel what it's like to be happy again.

And even though I haven't gotten high, I want to! Just to have that little bit of euphoria again. Just to feel unlonely for even twenty minutes. And I know that for the rest of my life, I'm always gonna get the urge to get high again. What kind of life is that, huh? If I'm always gonna have the urge any way, I might as well be getting high; cuz the urge alone is bad enuf.

And if I didn't have pets that loved me and needed me, then probably I'd already have locked myself into the hospital. Ok? Cuz I'm sick of feeling this way.

And, for the record, you're my only real friend and I'd never not wannna be your friend. And I'm sorry.

***

At this point, I believe that they turned the phone off. My response was not received and I didn't get any further messages for several days.

I found out later that this person was arrested on possession charges two hours after these messages were sent. Since then, life got ugly for my friend and our friendship disintegrated in the chaos of their addiction.

Editor's Note: For more information about the causes and treatments for addiction, please visit our Addictions: Alcohol and Substance Abuse topic center.

Michael W. Adamowicz, LICSW

Michael W. Adamowicz, LICSW provides evidence-based psychotherapy to teens, adults, and couples in the Rhode Island and southern Massachusetts areas. Call him at 401-264-0004 to schedule an appointment. View his website here, or read his blog here

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