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Elisa Goldstein, Ph.D.Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D.
A blog about mindfulness, stress-reduction, psychotherapy and mental health.

On Loss

Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D. Updated: Feb 20th 2013

two girls grieving There is so much to being human and many times we wish we only had to experience the parts that felt good. We spend a tremendous amount of energy resisting and fighting with what’s difficult in life only adding more difficulty onto it. Loss is a part of life that we often don’t want to look at. Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, a job, a dream for the future, or a dream for the past, there are two sides to the coin of loss and being aware of both makes it all the more sacred. 

The poet Kahlil Gibran once said:

“When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.” 

There is love in loss and that’s what makes it so painful, but there is still love. 

Our heart is always there to come back to, even when it feels like it’s breaking. Sometimes we need our hearts to crack to allow the light to come in. 

In time of loss it may seem that because the heart is breaking, because that is where the pain is, it’s best to move away from it. But the heart is where your love lies and you need that more than ever in times of pain. 

It’s a bit of a paradox, to move toward what is painful in order to find healing. 

Even  just placing your hand on your heart, acknowledging the difficulty of the moment is a way of accessing the gifts that are there. 

When we are able pause and listen deeply to our hearts we can find what we really need. 

Whether you are suffering a current loss or something from deeper in the past that is still holding you hostage, take this day or this week to pay attention to your heart. Listen for the pain and also the healthy things that you need. 

It may be just placing your hand on your heart from time to time, it may be calling a friend, going on a walk, taking a warm bath, getting a massage, or simply sitting quietly with a cup of tea. 

Whatever arises, make a plan to begin putting those into practice. 

As always, please share your thoughts, stories and questions below. Your interaction creates a living wisdom for us all to benefit from. 


Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D.

Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist in private practice in West Los Angeles and is author of the upcoming book The Now Effect, co-author of A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook, Foreword by Jon Kabat-Zinn, author of the Mindful Solutions audio series, and the Mindfulness at Work program currently being adopted in multiple multinational corporations.

Check out Dr. Goldstein's acclaimed CD's on Mindful Solutions for Stress, Anxiety, and Depression, Mindful Solutions for Addiction and RelapsePrevention, and Mindful Solutions for Success and Stress Reduction at Work. -- "They are so relevant, I have marked them as one of my favorites on a handout I give to all new clients" ~ Psychiatrist.

If you're wanting to integrate more mindfulness into your daily life, sign up for his Mindful Living Twitter Feed. Dr. Goldstein is also available for private psychotherapy.

Reader Comments
Discuss this issue below or in our forums.

Thank you - Maria - Feb 21st 2013

Thank you for this article on feeling the loss...I have been trying to heal from a relationship loss and though I feel I'm no better than the day it happened, this articles gives me hope that what I am doing at some level is helping. As they say, time's hard not to rush it. I want to feel good already as in my mind it's been a long time. I'd like to know more about how to find WHAT exactly in me needs healing... I just feel sad.

Thank again,


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