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Mandy KloppersMandy Kloppers
videos concerning mental health issues

Rejection and How to Deal With It

Mandy Kloppers Updated: Aug 7th 2013

Rejection hurts and no one wants it to happen to them. Yet, I have never met anyone who has not suffered from some form of rejection in their lives. So – it is something that is a part of life and we need to find a healthy way to accept it and move on.

sad teen girlRejection triggers our inner fears and doubts about ourselves. The trick to facing rejection and not letting it ruin us is down to our attitude to rejection. If we see it as a form of failure it is more likely to affect us negatively than if we see it as a lesson to learn and an opportunity to grow and move forward.

When we value ourselves and like ourselves we possess buffers that carry us through life and make us more resilient to sadness, rejection and failure. We are more able to put these negative experiences into context. When someone rejects us, it helps to remind ourselves that the person doing the rejecting isn’t better than us or superior in any way. Often, we automatically, and mistakenly, assume that if we are rejected by someone that they are somehow superior to us. We feel inferior and begin thinking about how great they are and how useless we are.

It pays to remember that everyone has good and bad characteristics. Someone rejecting you isn’t doing it because they are better than you. They will also have their doubts and fears about themselves. Rather, they are rejecting you for their own personal reasons – these reasons are not facts. They are not written in the ‘book of life’ that states you are not a worthy person.

It is just someone else’s opinion. One person on this entire planet. Of course, if you keep on getting rejected, it may be that your own self esteem isn’t very high and that your thinking is leading you into a ‘self fulfilling prophecy’.

Tips for Dealing with Rejection:

1) Remind yourself that it is their opinion, Not fact, that has led to rejection. Don’t take it personally.

2) Rejection is a blessing in disguise. Be philosophical about it – now you are free to find someone who adores you and admires your loveliness and brings out the best in you

3) Consider all the reasons they were wrong for you. This helps to move on emotionally. Write a list if it helps.

4) See it as their loss. They obviously did not see how wonderful you really are!

5) Learn from it. Sometimes we receive constructive advice and this can be used to improve upon ourselves. It doesn’t mean we are defective but it is good practise to live and learn.

Rejection does not mean that there is something wrong with you. It just means, together, you weren’t right for each other. It’s okay to feel sad that things haven’t worked out but it’s not okay to blame yourself and look for the faults in yourself. Give yourself some time, believe that things happen for a reason and know that in a while you will be back to enjoying life. Don’t see rejection as confirmation that you aren’t good enough. Instead see it as a natural part of life and learn to love and nurture you.


Mandy Kloppers

Mandy is a Psychologist living in the United Kingdom. She runs a private practice (see for details) and offers regular advice and tips in her blog Thoughts on Life and Love. She specializes in working with step-families and relationships (especially relationships involving mental and emotional abuse) through online skype therapy sessions.

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