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Gary GillesGary Gilles, LCPC
Empowering and practical insights to grow your most important relationships

Curbing Your Child's Texting While Improving Communication

Gary Gilles, LCPC Updated: Mar 10th 2015

Are you among the many parents who are fighting for their child's attention these days with various electronic media? If so, you are in good company. Young people seem surgically attached to their phones and texting is the new way to "stay connected."

group of teens textingWhile all forms of media are enticing for young people, texting has taken center stage as the media attention distractor of choice among teens as well as many preteens with phones. While there are no fool-proof solutions to reduce incessant texting, here are seven sound principles you can apply:

1. First, find out how much texting is going on. Find out how much your child is texting in a given month. Most mobile phone plans allow you to see how many texts are being sent from each phone.

2. Ask your child about his or her texting habits. Some questions to start the conversation: "Who are the people you text most? What do you find helpful about this type of communication in contrast to using the phone or email? How many texts do you think you send a day? Do you think texting interferes with other important things such as family, studying, etc.? The goal in asking these questions is twofold: to understand what they find engaging about texting and to begin a dialogue about it.

3. Express your concerns. Are you concerned about the amount of texting, how it affects family relationships, the content of their texts or all of the above? Don't use an accusatory approach. Specifically explain what most concerns you and let them respond.

4. Carefully listen to their perspective. You will be able to engage your child in conversation longer if you listen carefully and then try to empathize with their viewpoint even if you disagree. Teens are trying to walk the tightrope between being grown-up and yet still dependent on their parents. Living between these two developmental stages is often challenging for everyone. My previous article on using empathy to draw out conversation might be of help.

5. Set boundaries around texting. Identify times when texting is not allowed, such as during conversations you're having with your child, while driving, at mealtimes, during homework, at bedtime and others situations you might deem appropriate. Explain that these boundaries are necessary in order to keep texting from interfering with other important parts of their life. You might even ask your child to leave the mobile phone at home when you go on outings to avoid the temptation immediately respond to incoming texts.

6. Consider cutting your unlimited texting plan. Get a new plan with a texting threshold every month - and require your child pay for any overages he or she causes. Tell them ahead of time what the limits are and what the costs will be. Explain that this move is not punishment but giving them responsibility for their choices.

7. Create forced accountability, if necessary. If you suspect that your child is sending or receiving inappropriate text messages and/or photos (often referred to as sexting), you can use one of many new apps that keeps track of what your child is sharing with others. A number of these record every text message and picture sent from a given phone and shares them with you in real time.


Gary Gilles, LCPC

Gary Gilles is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor (LCPC) in private practice for over 20 years. He is passionate about helping people live empowered, healthy lives. He works from the idea that we feel most contented and in control of our lives when we take action on what we value most. This typically involves choices around relationships and personal habits. He uses his expertise as a change agent in his counseling practice, his blog and his books to help people get their lives back on track. Gary's hundreds of published articles have appeared in a wide range of print and online publications. He currently publishes a popular blog entitled Relationship Matters at His books are available at You can contact Gary at:

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