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Believable Reasons for Staying Cool

Harry Mills, Ph.D. Updated: Mar 8th 2016

Even if you are justified in feeling angry about a situation, it is not okay to simply attack the target of your anger. There are too many ways that you can and will be punished for inappropriate and unrestrained angry expression. In today's terrorized world, violent outbursts and threats are simply not well tolerated. If you physically attack someone there is a good chance you could be brought up on charges and arrested. If you attack your boss, a co-worker or a customer, there is a good chance you will lose your job. If you attack your child, you may very well find that child removed from your custody. Even if you don't lose custody, you will have at the very least taught your child that it is acceptable to behave violently towards children (which it is not). If you attack friends and family, you seriously reduce the chances that they will want to help you in the future when you might need their support.

It is a good idea for you to develop a list of personal reasons why you want to stay calm and cool in certain situations, and to read over these reasons frequently so that they stay fixed and clear in your mind. The reasons you generate should be informed by the realistic consequences that might befall you should you allow yourself to get out of control. The following example reasons might serve to get you started:

  • I need to stay calm so I will not lose my job.
  • I need to stay calm so my children can learn that it is not good to act violently.
  • I need to stay cool so I do not end up in the hospital or in jail.
  • I need to stay calm so that my spouse will not divorce me.
  • I need to stay calm so I will not break things or knock holes in the wall, either of which will take money and time to repair
  • I need to stay calm so I will not alienate a close friend.


Reader Comments
Discuss this issue below or in our forums.

wife dealing with husband's anger - - Jul 2nd 2013

I have been dealing with my husband's anger for over 20 years.  Sometimes he is great and everything is fine but when he loses his temper, usually over something minor, he can yell and scream for hours.  Sometimes 2-4 hours at one sitting.  I have always tolerated it but now it is affecting my 2 teenage daughters.  I dont' want them to grow up with emotional  problems but don't know if divorce is the solution.  Then they would bear the brunt of his anger on his weekends with them.  I have tried to ask him to get anger management but he doesn't think he has a problem.  He thinks I am the cause of his anger and everyhting is my fault.  How do I get him to see that his anger is out of control and not normal but problematic?? 

anger blues - girlie - Feb 23rd 2010

Anger just eats me up. It damages me, i try to control it but it take reins.I fear myself because i cant control myself in rage. Anger put me in a cell.It has taken toll over me over years.I want to control it i'm reading Bible takes deep breath and forgives those who anger me it helps a bit please pray for me if you happen to read this

the way to control your emotions - - Nov 12th 2009

I have learned to control my emotions and one way is to count to 10

- sasha - Nov 3rd 2007
Ithink this is a very effective and insightful article.

Such a terrible waste. - O - Aug 1st 2007

   I loved my girlfriend so very, very much. I still do, very much. But she has a Jekyll and Hyde personality ... an angry, well, really, she could be called a rageaholic. So after my bad judgment of tolerating it, because when  she was wonderful, she was so VERY wonderful, eventually the  anger turned  to violence, and more. I still foolishly tolerated it.
Now she is so angry that she thinks that I trigger her to be angry, and she gets angry at me "for making me angry". She refuses to seek therapy, and does not communicate what makes her angry ... she will just yell "I don't want to TALK about it, now DROP IT !"
   So now, we are apart, and I feel deeply psychologically damaged, and I am in psychological treatment for PTSD, which she thinks I am faking as she gets angry at the mere mention of it. She says, I am "pretending" this so-called damage just trying to make her "feel guilty".
   I can't wait for the day I have no more feelings for her, and, though unlikely, for the day that I have no memory of her.
She still calls me, sometimes, and she cries that she misses my love for her.

anger problems - Dwight - Jul 31st 2007
My name is Dwight, and I have a very serious problem with allowing myself to become angry. I am wanting to learn to get my anger under control and these articles i know will be very helpful. If there is anything else I can do to control my anger please help. Thank you.

the end of anger - zuke - Jul 5th 2007

hi, my name is zuke.
and i have very, very bad self control... i wish i could learn tips on who to stay cool under stress, pressure, and arrguments.  i know that i have really bad anger mangement. i wanna teach my my self how to be real cool uder these type of issues... not only im i trying to better my self but i also dont wanna to lose my job, friends and especially my beautiful wife.... i love her and i dont wanna see her go becuse of my anger.. it is not far for my anger to take away what and who i love...

thank you reading my comment .........


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