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Types of Abuse

Kathryn Patricelli, MA Updated: Mar 16th 2016

fighting coupleBecoming aware of the forms that abuse can take helps you to be better prepared to recognize such behavior as abusive. Once you are able to label abuse, you can begin to take steps necessary to stop it from happening or repeating.

  • Verbal Abuse occurs when one person uses words and body language to inappropriately criticize another person. Verbal abuse often involves 'putdowns' and name-calling intended to make the victim feel they are not worthy of love or respect, and that they do not have ability or talent. If the victim speaks up against these statements, they are often told that the criticisms were "just a joke", and that it is their own problem that they do not find the joke funny. They may also be told that no abuse is happening; that it is "all in their head". Verbal abuse is dangerous because it is often not easily recognized as abuse, and therefore it can go on for extended periods, causing severe damage to victim's self-esteem and self-worth. Damaged victims may fail to take advantage of opportunities that would enrich their lives because they come to believe they are not worthy of those opportunities.
  • Psychological Abuse (also known as mental abuse or emotional abuse) occurs when one person controls information available to another person so as to manipulate that person's sense of reality; what is acceptable and what is not acceptable. For example, psychological abuse might occur when a pedophile tells a child victim that she caused the pedophile to abuse her because she is a 'slut' who 'tempted' the pedophile. Psychological abuse often contains strong emotionally manipulative content designed to force the victim to comply with the abuser's wishes. It may be emotional abuse in this sense when it is designed to cause emotional pain to victims or to “mess with their heads” in attempts to gain compliance and counter any resistance. Alternatively, psychological abuse may occur when one victim is forced to watch another be abused in some fashion (verbally, emotionally, physically or sexually). Like verbal abuse, psychological abuse is often not recognized as abuse early on and can result in serious sequela (psychological after effects) later on.
  • Physical Abuse occurs when one person uses physical pain or threat of physical force to intimidate another person. Actual physical abuse may involve simple slaps or pushes, or it may involve a full on physical beating complete with punching, kicking, hair pulling, scratching, and real physical damage sufficient in some cases to require hospitalization. In particularly violent instances, people can die from the injuries they sustain while being physically abused. Physical abuse is abusive whether bruises or physical damage occur or not. Physical abuse may involve the mere threat of physical violence if the victim does not comply with the wishes of the abuser, and still be considered physical abuse.
  • Sexual Abuse of children or adults includes any sort of unwanted sexual contact perpetrated on a victim by an abuser. Molestation, incest, inappropriate touching (with or without intercourse), and partner or date rape are all instances of sexual abuse. Sexual abuse also occurs if one partner has agreed to a certain level of sexual activity and another level is forced upon her (or him) without prior explicit consent being given. Sexual abuse is often combined with physical abuse (or threat of physical abuse) and emotional abuse. For instance, pedophile child molesters will often threaten harm to their victims or to someone or something their victim cares about in order to compel that victim's silence about the sexual abuse or to convince the victim that he or she “asked for it” in some way. Difficult to detect drugs like Rohypnol (also known as "Ruffies") may be put into the drinks of date rape victims (a form of physical abuse) to make them pliable and easy to rape.
  • Neglect occurs when a person fails to provide for the basic needs of one or more dependent victims he or she is responsible for. Basic needs include adequate and appropriate food, shelter, clothing, hygiene, and love or care. The idea of neglect presupposes that the neglectful person is capable of being responsible in the first place. For example, it is neglect when an employed parent fails to care for their child adequately. It is still neglect when a parent is unable to provide for their child despite their best efforts due to extreme poverty or illness, but the neglect is perhaps mitigated by the circumstances. Neglect can only happen to dependent persons. For this reason, it most typically involves children or dependent elders who are not taken care of properly by their families or caregivers.
  • Hate Crimes are a type of abuse that involve verbal, physical, emotional, or sexual abuse toward an individual or a group of individuals based solely on some characteristic they may share in common with others such as their religious or sexual affiliations or the color of their skin. Hate crime are typically defined as crimes in which the conduct was motivated by hatred, bias, or prejudice, based on the actual or perceived race, color, religion, national origin, ethnicity, disability status, gender, sexual orientation or gender identity of another individual or group of individuals.

    Hate crimes involve scapegoating; the placing of blame for something that has occurred (or is believed to have occurred; whether or not it really has occurred) on an undeserving individual or group simply because they share characteristics with those alleged to have been involved in the upsetting event. For example, hate crimes against people involved in the Islamic faith have risen after recent terrorist attacks when it made clear that those terrorists subscribed to a form of the Islamic faith. Other examples are easy to list. Attacks on Jews throughout history have been justified by saying that "the Jews killed Jesus". Racial tensions in America and around the world remain high despite years of efforts attempting to lessen such tensions. Attacks on gay and transgendered persons occur with frequency because their sexuality is non-mainstream and thus threatening, and because some clergy preach that such non-mainstream forms of sexuality are abominations, using selected portions of the religious texts to justify their particular brands of intolerance.


Reader Comments
Discuss this issue below or in our forums.

verbally abusive boyfriend - Gigi - Mar 3rd 2015

My boyfriend of four years is abusive verbally by insulting me, screaming and yelling at me. He also humiliates me in public. The abuse has gotten to be more hurtful and more frequent.  I am turning fifty next month and I feel so lost, he has all but destroyed my self esteem and self confidence.  He is a bully and I am tired of locking myself in the bathroom to escape his wrath.  Would a shelter take a single woman suffering verbal abuse.

Abuse or a personal view? - Tiff - Feb 4th 2015

The fellow I'm dating recently had an argument with a women living in the house he is group sharing. In the phone conversation with me about the event, he made the statement "Women are c*nts of things!". I was so offended I couldn't think straight - so I hung up the phone. He called me back and I got really angry with him, I told him I would not tolerate that kind of abuse. He claimed he didn't have to apologise for his statement because it's true. He then went on to say that all women are hormonal and that they verbally and psychologically abuse men when they're in that state - therefore he was justified and right to make what I thought was an extraordinarily vile statement about women. My view is that his comments are inappropriate in the extreme, and I would consider them a form of abuse. What are your thoughts?

concerned adult - margaret - Dec 18th 2014

i would like to know if an elderly lady has a constant compultion to pick holes in her head and by putting what is only available a pair of socks on her hands to save her picking a form of abuse its like a massacre has happened at times  

I wish it could be different for you…and you…and you... - A friend - Jun 27th 2014

Dear Mike,

My heart breaks reading your writing.  You don't deserve to be living the way you are, with the craziness that you're seeing around you.  I wish that I could be the superhero and whisk you and all of the other posters on this site out of your situations.  I think what it comes down to is this:  you have to tell a person in authority--a counselor at school, for example, or EVERY counselor at school.  You have to be a good parent to yourself--strange as that sounds--because no-one who is supposed to be the parent is doing even close to an adequate job.  I want you to know that I am a 54 year old woman, and if I could, I would rescue you.  But you are going to have to do that for yourself, as hard as that sounds.  And the parenting that you do is going to require your reminding people that they are not doing their jobs if they don't fix the problem and get you out of that hell.  

Remember this, and I say this to everyone:  You've got to save yourself.  If your parent or spouse/partner is mistreating you, THEY've got serious problems.  They are not capable of being healthy.  

So, first: be the parent for yourself.  

Second:  Remind yourself, every day, of something beautiful or kind or thoughtful about you--you need to remember at least a bit of what's wonderful about you.  Did I say EVERY DAY? Yes; I did.  If you think about how much you love a certain flower, or the way the air feels in the late afternoon, then take that, and appreciate that you are the kind of person that feels those sorts of things.  

It's hard; I know.  Having grown up with abuse myself, I know the risks and experienced them:  thinking yourself not worth much, being attracted to untrustworthy people, and expecting to fail are some of the problems.  But the world has good people in it and you will find them if you take your time.  Observe people, and notice who listens to what you say, and who wants friendship and love that are about equality and understanding instead of power.  

I just wish that it could be different for you right now, Mike.  And the same goes for everyone here.  And it will be; just take care of yourself as though you were your own best friend, if that works better for you than to think of a parent taking care of you.

All the best to you,


Please help me... - Mike Wilson - Jun 10th 2014

I have no idea whats happening. I am 13 and i just finished 6 grade. My dad has been dating a woman for 8 months now... about every 2-8 days they start yelling at eachother for reasons that are very easy to figure out. my dad locked her out of the house 2 times and kept her out for like 3 hours, and when she is let in its like a yelling fest in the bedroom for 30 minutes. one time my dad was in a very bad mood and when she was about to take a shower more yelling happened. she exused herself to ''use the bathroom'' and locked the door and put a quarter in the groove to keep it from opening to stay away from my dad, about 30 seconds later my dad tried to kick down the door and he sis and when he went in i heard him screaming as loud as he can then said '' i swear im gonna kill you''. now 2 months later she is still alive and she has bad depression from this. i am developing anxiety and depression from all of this. usualy after the arguments my dad comes to tell me ''thats how women are''' and i dont belive him... and now my dad has a very short temper from this... please tell me what to do i am just a kid i need severe help before this ''relationship'' becomes physical

mothers abusive ways - Jamie Simpson - Apr 28th 2014

My mother and oldest daughter assaulted me in my own home in Oct. 2013 in front of my 2 younger children. A few nights later after the assult I began to have repressed memories from my childhood as to what my mother did to me as a child...I don't understand why now after all these years later and that it took an assult for me to remember. I was 4 to 5 yrs old and my mother made me sit in my bdrm closet for hours on end in the dark with nothing to play with and the only time I cld leave that closet was if I had to go to the bathroom or if it was time to eat and then I was ran right back to that closet and in the dark. My father worked nights at the time so he is oblivious as to what has taken place...I remember another time I was crying out for my father and my mother thru me up against thewall saying that I was not to diturb him. When I was 6 to 7 yrs old I remember that my mother bound my hands and feet totogether and put me in their bdrm closet with a bunch of clothes on top of me to muffle out any sound that I was to make...eventuality my father found me and if he hadn't I probably wldnt be here today. My teenage yrs my mother wld use insults to abuse me with and the same for my adult yrs as well. Since Oct. 2013 there was been a riff in the family and my father doesn't believe me that my mother wld do such a thing to me as a kid bc it just isnt in her nature to do so...Im planning on going to threapy starting next week and I will make all of them see.


domestic violence shelter - - Jul 7th 2013

Upon arriving  to faceback into the violent household of control.I was face with death threats. I took myself,my daughter and my dog.We waited at a sherrifs office department in the middle of the night to be taken to a shelter.How sad is it that the shelter was in need of financial aid to the extent that we were better off here in the throw's of abuse in all form's. I'm alway's thinking of those mother's there with there children,afraid,pennyless and without the years of mending that they would surely need. I can survive this because I'm trained too but am in need of getting out. I'm due for comfort and kindness.I've even had my worst fear's of my old day's of being stalked. going by a window and seeing a body in camoflauge looking in. That was my last test I suppose. My biggest fear of the past days. I am a survivor of domestic violence and have been pushed back into this life like a test subject on how much she can take. I'm fine with that. i do hope though that funding will be put into the shelter's that need it. were all here for a reason right? My reason is  experiance and then tell you of my outlook on what I've knewly been threw. P.S.     Audio technology is a knew way to terrorize. make the targeted think there "crazy". win a court case,win custody etcetera.Now that's a lawsuit if I ever saw one.

a life of hurt and pain - chelsy L - Apr 30th 2013

i am chelsy i am 16 years old .. i never had a real role modle in my life .. my mom and dad got marryied at the age of 18 he than join the U.S army and they moved to texas , 2 years later they had me i mom movied back in with her mom at idaho and i was born their at the age of 3 weeks my mom  and dad got doviors 2 years later she get remarryed and has to more kids that where boys my mom had a stroke after birth with my yougest brother and i nearly lost both of them ... after the stroke my mom because addict to pain killers and was sleeping all day and my step dad was always at work and my dad i never reallly knew who he was . my mom wasnt taking to school and she was bring a new guy at our house almost everyday ,at the age of 7 i was rasing myself and a new born and a 5 year old .. i then was getting abused poeple would go to my room at the middle of the night and rape me after the stroke my step dad and mom got devoir and that when i found out that he wasnt my real dad it still get to this day . a few weeks later she gose to coliforna and get marryed for 2 weeks and then theres another devoirs . when i was 10 year old my mom got marryed to a guy named rick  it was my birhday and i was going with him to pick up my birthday cake he pulls over the cars and  push me in the back of the van i was raped on my birthday my dad finly took me away for my mom on july 22, 2008 at 10:30 i was sad to leave my mom and brothers i was moving to a differnt state and it was tennncceee i was doing great but on july i went to vist my mom for summer viction for 7 weeks i had my birthday party there where 4 boys and 5 girl we where all young i was 11 my friend micheal was 12 my step sister was 11 my friend chennna was 10 and my brother presten was 5 and sean was 8 cody was 14 and livia my baby sister who was staying the night was 18 years old yes it was a busy night at that age i was going my own loundier and liva went in there locked the door and raped me he threaten me and said if u tell any one ur familly will be on firer. i stayed up all that night to pretect everyone but my brother sean didnt want to go to bed and everyone else was but me and 3 boys i asked him to stay in my mom room  but he just wouldn t listen so i gave up at 7:30 am i fall alseep i wake up to a scream it was my brother i look down on the floor to see what going on and the 18 year old was raping my little brother i was to tired and young to do anything so i fall right back to sleep in the moring i was asked qustion but i didnt say anything tell 4 months later he got 3 years in jail for me and that it he didnt get anything for my brother i still blame my self now i am 17 years old i runaway from my dad and moved in with my mom again my brothers still dont live with her its just me my mom and bamib .. i am okay now i just still cant get it out of my head i am on medation after all i was raped by 7 diffent people form the time i was 6 to the age of 11 i have deppression and ptsd i have learned from this though to always let someone know if you are getting abused 

abuse - katlin - Apr 23rd 2013

hi live life your way! dont let anyone tell you who you are! Dont care for the ones who have done you wrong,they dont desivere you! you desiver to be happy in your life!


Help me please - April - Jan 23rd 2013

Hey y'all I was wondering if anyone had some advise for me, I really don't know what to do, it's quite a long story but I'm gonna try to sum it all up. Bout two summers ago, I came to live with my dad who I haven't seen in 12 years, for about the first month everything was great! I was lovin life and happy for the first time in my life. Then my dads wife stepped in, now they have been married as long as me and my dad have been apart, she has tried everything in her power to run me off because she absolutly hates me. No that is not just a teenage exaggeration , it's the truth and she has told me many times. She has called me every name under the sun, said she won't rest til I'm gone. And now she's even moved on to threatening to mess up my future. Saying that she'll bring up these assault charges(which arnt true) and get me kicked out of the army.  I am 17 year old girl enlisted in the army and waiting til I graduate so I can go to basic training. She is basically blackmailing my father into doing what she wants, and through him blackmailing me. She has alienated me from the rest of the family, spread lies throughout it, and I can't be anywhere near my father without her finding a way to run me off. Now I consider myself a strong person, I've been through a lot of stuff in my life, but I just can't take this anymore, I can't live with the consistent fear that she's going to make what I have planned for the future nonexistent . I love my dad dearly and he hates this as much as I do, but his hands are tied as well. Please, I'm begging y'all out there, tell me what to do, I feel so helpless

Question - - Dec 18th 2012

Should my care givers be protecting me against all that stuff and the people who come to my house

To: HELP! - kitt - Malinov - Nov 27th 2012



Don't think your alone, because your not. I'm in a simular situation as you. I was physically and verbally abused for part of my life, and am still verbally abused. When I was much younger my father would beat me with anything that was laying around. Beat me for nothing to the smallest of stupid stuff.  Now it's just verbal abuse. I may be 18, and want to leave home to escape it all, but I made a promise to my mother, so I won't/can't ever leave her alone in the house with that worthless f**k. My mother is the only thing that is holding me to this earth, if it wan't for her I would have killed myself a long time ago. My father insulst and purposely puts us down and then turns around saying he was "joking", joking my a$$. Every chance he gets he puts us down and tears us all the way down to where we would actually believe that maybe what he calls us is really what we are. Not showing how badly it affects me is draining as hell.  I may be 18 but that isn't the age I feel, I feel so old and worn through. And I find myself asking myself "Is this the day I completely break from it all the weight weighing down on top of me?" & "Is this the day I will finally get to rest in peace?" I'm tired of all the BS. When and if I can I make him take out his anger on my instead of the rest of my family. I may be the youngest next to my 3 siblings, but out of them only me and my brother can take his anger without letting him know just how badly he is hurting us. But in the end I have to turn to cutting in order to calm the anger and pain that consumes my mind and heart.

Yes, Kitt, It will be a tiring fight. Just find that piece of hope that when the time comes you will be free from it all. You in no way deserved what he did to you. The time will come whenyou you get your justice and he will have to pay for what he did to you.
I bearly hold onto that hope. For I sold my soul for my mother, my sibling, and our farm. I just hope I too will get my justice in time.

Find faith,



BC being scaryed - AshleySmith - Nov 13th 2012

well my boyfriend of kind of bullying me around and name calling me and pullting me down , and scary me , he keep on doing it about every day

to help - - Sep 14th 2012

Hello im from oklahoma city, my dad does the exact same thing, do you ahve a buddy? a friends parent that you can move in with? trust me report it to your school counselor and the will call dhs and dhs will take you away and move you in with a friend. trust me i did it and it worked and ive never been happier in my life.

To: HELP! - kitt - Agnieszka - Jul 5th 2012

I’m so sorry that you are abused by your father. I wish he would stop and realize the damage he is doing to you before it is too late. I suggest you contact the police, a teacher, family members, friend’s parents or anyone you trust. Maybe you will be able to stay with them until your father can get some help for his rage. You do not deserve this no matter what the situation was because no abuse is justifiable. I pray that you get help soon so you can be in a safe and loving environment away from your abuser. God bless and stay strong! I too was in an abusive situation and got help. It isn’t easy to tell someone what is happening, but you must! The longer you wait the more dangerous the situation will get. Please seek help and tell someone about what is happening to you. *hugs*

HELP! - kitt - Jul 2nd 2012

i live in Gastonia, North Carolina, my father has slapped me a few times, i have ran away from home 2 times, on both occasions i was told by the cops that i had deserved it, even though i did nothing wrong to deserve this. i am a female of the age 15, i want to leave but i know i cant, i do NOT want to be put in a home with strangers, i want to get away from my dad. when i am 16 can i run away to a male friends house and not be brought back, EVEN if the locate where i am? any advice or loop holes? i go to bed crying every night because he threatens, cusses, screams and i cant take it! help? im scared.... and alone..

its ok - lol - Mar 21st 2012

just go for help any achnce you can get and dont let it get you down

Physical, mentally and verbal abuse victim - - Mar 11th 2012

I would say stand up but it's hard to muster up courage when your being punched by someone twice your size literally. Its even harden when thy ble the reason for why there doing it on here. It's scary the thoughts you have when something bad is going on, no one want Sri have them and shouldnt fight someday we all will no madder how big or small or what type of abuse your getting never give in.

I know something about this - Victim That Knows About This - Jan 19th 2012

Hello. I'm a victim of abuse-physical, emotional, and possibly psychological. When I was a kid I was severely beaten by my dad and grandpa for the smallest things. They overreacted to everything  and any time they were mad I always paid even though I was always innocent. The phsysical stuff stopped a while ago but I'm still verbally abused almost every day. I'm called stupid, talked about when others think I'm not listening (guess what, guys, I CAN hear you, and yes it DOES hurt!!), bullied (why can't you be like your sister? Oh right, you're a screwup. You can't be like her.),Blamed for stuff I couldn't possibly have done (I've been blamed my entire life for things I never ever did), cut down and labeled. It's messed me up for life. Thanks, Dad. You did me a great favor treating me like crap. Hope you're pleased with yourself. Denying you did all this to me is also NOT acceptable! You deserve to get in huge trouble for doing all this to me. 

cops abuse - Melgar Melvin - Jan 14th 2012

What can I do to survive with the cops abuse. I have been physically abused by cops and been sexually harrassed by them. I need help. I do not want to take pills anymore. I need your help how to survive with them. I have also have another problem that I have near death experience and the rest of them do not understand me the situation I have had. I wish I could sue to the government and the USC Hospital for trillion of dollars. I will be thankful to you.

Your friend,


physical and verbal abuse - - Dec 1st 2011

hi i don't know how will i explain my problem, i moved to usa with my parents 15 years ago, my parents were never good to me, as a older sister in the family and as a daugher i always had to obey them which i did. after i moved here i had a hard time to adjust in usa but i overcame with those problem somehowl,when i got almost adjusted in here thats when my parents start to force me for marriage, i had no choice because all my life i heard that i am stupid person who is not capable of doing anything. anyway i got married and i have a 2 years old son now. i am not happy at all in my married life. my husband always blame for everything very much every night he try to physically attack me and he tell me that his life is wasted because of me. i am so confused with everything. i want to divorce him because i can't live like this anymore, i don't get any help from my parents either, if i complain them about my husband they will trust my husband over me. i don't make that much money, i just make 1400 doller a month and i have lots of debt. i don't know at this stage what i will do. i want to get  a job which will  pay me better and leave my parents and husband. i am so tired of everything now. can anybody help me to find a job which will help me to support myself and my baby.

Abusive Mother killing father - Eliose Beda - Oct 13th 2011

 An Abusive Mother’s hatred for her daughter is overwheming. This is killing the loving and caring Father. Her abusive nature has separated the Father from his Family. 

Help - Melvin - Sep 12th 2011

Hello, good evening. This is Melvin. I have some complaints.  What can I do to get rid of the sexual harrassment of the cops?  I need help.  I want to say something that I need peace and need to work out and exercise. I have been harrassed since 2007.  I was going to shop to the Starbucks in the Santa Monica between St.Vincent and went to buy some small bread and I was assaulted by the cops unfairly. |I am very fondly scared of them and they have traumatized me for so long. I need help and tell the cops to leave me alone. I need peace and I am gay and tell them to leave me alone and need the peace and have the freedom to shop the malls and buy cothes and express happiness and be among gay people. I need help. I am American Citizen and I feel they are trying to kick me out. I do not know if for some reasons that I look illegal like Mexicans are harrasing me because I am American Citizen. The cops assaulted me and put me spouses around my hands and were checking me and I did not know what it is going on. I am very upset with the cops because they are really bothering me. I am hard of hearing. I do not know for what reasons are they bothering me? What can I do?  I need peace. I feel they are trying to send me back to Guatemala. Need help.

evrey one - you don't know me - Jun 9th 2011

you guys should stick for yourself's because it will only get worse. you guys can do it i know you can 

mental abuse - alison - May 16th 2011

ive been marraid twenty years my husband gets angry all the time i had to give up work 6 years ago due to depression i am looking for work now but he gets angry saying hes the only one who brings money in or if hes tierd

he is angry nearly all the time

Today I Try This - God Loves Me - May 15th 2011

Today I try this.05-08-11

I am getting verbally abused by some of the neighbors in the place where I live. They stalk me and make up negative slanderous rhymes about everything and anything they think I have. It could be a new pair of shoes that I bought at the store. I know it sounds paranoid, but it is real. They are bent on hating on me and making me out to be things I am not. They want to hurt me emotionally and any way they can. They yell and heckle at me all day and all night. They insist that I am a big nothing and want for me to not go anywhere in life, nor have anything.

I have been through a ton of counseling and therapy for depression. All the magical drugs do not remove the hurtful things these people play-say on me. I have been putting up with this abuse since I was 12. These people were parents with kids, whose kids are now parents with kids. They are like tape recorders having babies.

I am not even sure exactly what they are saying. I was not raised to have a head full of sin like these persons have.

Any one write me back. I can use the support.


God Loves Me

is it abuse? - chris. - May 1st 2011

i been with my bf for almost 3years, nd 5months ago we had a daughter. we had always had fights about dumb stuff nd he wouldnt yell at me so bad until i lefted him nd started talkin to a guy. we got back together nd 1month later is when i found out i was pregnant.  early in the pregnancy everything was so good for us but once i started senior year he got texts saying i was flirting. he started calling me a b.... nd slut. nd now the fights are much worse. recently he threw cereal on me nd would spit in my face because when we fight i dont talk back nd for that he holds on to me tightly nd throws me on the bed. and just tonight he got my extra skin from my pregnancy nd twisted it. i keep telling myself it isnt abuse but im not sure.

17 year old who knows abuse 1st hand - - Apr 19th 2011

my entire life i've been abused in some way. the old saying "life is rough" does not even begin to cover the stuff i've seen, heard and been through. I love my family but they do and say the wrong stuff. abuse should not be over looked. think before you speak and listen before you acuse.

What is going on !!! - - Apr 13th 2011

Today folks are crazy they want to knock you down and then try to act like they want to help, some do some don't .. . Men are ceazy someone is crazy but I know its not me im adhd and ocd and have some crazy person missing with me. Why do weird men try to control my life god help them...

I dont know what to do. - Danielle - Mar 1st 2011

Today I just found out that my boyfriend is being abused by his parents. I just dont know what to do about it. I've never been abused and I come from a loving family. I mean I knew his parents were doing some drugs and they are using alchol heavily, but he never told me he was being abused. How am I supposed to respond to that type of thing. I dont think I could help him becasue I never experienced it before.

I dont get it? - - Feb 9th 2011

I was just diagnosed as being mentally abused by my fiance. I knew he was being a jerk and I recently even started cutting myself. But I didnt realize that this kind of abuse was so serious. I always thought it was normal. I mean, with my 1st husband, I had a breast reduction because he liked small breasts & mine were big. But when we divorced, the courts didnt give 2 shits that he abused me & my kids. Now the ass hole has week to week visitation & Im in another abusive relationship. How do we break the cycle when we feel so needy?

Mental, physical and sexual abuse - Susie Greer - Feb 7th 2011

I recently left my home because of mental, physical and sexual abuse. First the abuser is a person I once trusted. But now that I do not and he wanted control, I had to call 911 and he currently has assault and battery charges. This was physical abuse. He tried to take advantage of me and I am not in )health. Because he could not control sex (that I refuse), he would go out at night to bars and drink alcohol heavily and then come home and I was to follow him to bed. This was a cycle he continued to do over an extended period of time. Unfortunately, he did physically abuse me, but it was my way out of the house. I am now awaiting to have surgeries for various reasons. He was angry that I am not in perfect health to walk beside him. It has been a long time to this point and I am happy that I am away from him. I will soon seek treatment, therapy and counseling for the abuse encountered and hope to have a normal life with people that are of no tolerance of this.

Thank you for your website. I will continue to study abuse and seek counsel for help.

Been There - Are There - CB - Feb 2nd 2011

I left a 17 yr marriage cuz I was a "worthless piece of shit", for another man - who loves me, and really does the right way (which is hard for me).  I am used to being treated like shit, and that doesn't happen anymore.  My ex however tries to get my kids involved and make them make it a bad place for them.  He violated the Temp. court order 5 times and my lawyer didn't do anyything...I have a new lawyer now, but the divorce is final and so is placement,  He (my ex) wants me back for money.  Mortgaged to the hilt to "pay me off" plus child support..

I got away from the abuse, and shit and now cuz he has to pay money he wants to be a "better man"



please decide together - - Jan 31st 2011

I need a lot of medical and psychological care. I am an anomaly due to abuses that are yet ungraspable, and that have no "proves" to the others. Those abuses turned me into a monster of stupidity, as I tryied to melt together my ability to read and my inability to survive those horrible acts. I see now that the pain i've been through has been too much and that there is no resolution in a harmony that I hoped for, as you hope when there is nothing else to do. I was adviced to hope every time. Now this lie that is perpetuated by society, has turned against me. I only have taken from the others the idea of hope. Most probably I just couldn't really have it, due to circumstances. Most probably I am lost and I am expecting some consequences. I know you could not give me a piece of land now to live upon on this world. I want to leave UK, but I am considered a specimen unworthy of travel, as you imagine. I could see the pain in some people's eyes when they talked to me and saw that I believe in some things. I am disturbed from the other's point of view. Problem is i am not so disturbed as not to know that, I've always knew. I expected some help at a suitable time. I've been to therapists in the past 10 years. They didn't find in me what horrifies them now. So: I'm asking... could it be that you decide together what to do with your enemy, myself? Because if you don't do this together, you will fight because of me, on what territory not to burry me. Please find a place that you all agree that it's my place . I promise I won't ever disturb society again, I might not even talk to another person all my life. Just tell me where do you think I should go to leave you alone.

24yr old lady hoping to graduate soon. - - Jan 31st 2011

Sorry, never replied to a thing on internet but read about your suffering from your parents bad behaviour, and that is exactly what it is...i'm 36 and only in last 3 yrs worked out what you have done are intelligent and sound one of the many other lovely people that unfortunately suffer abuse. i too have low self esteem due to lets just say 'comments'....i have not been in touch with my parents for 1 year now...and although sad and sometimes lonely i removed myself from the abuser, this is something i wish i had done years ago...not suggesting its what you do...but pls pick yourself up and enjoy your life..easier said then done i know...but you are a special person that as said before has just had other peoples bad behaviour placed on you...wierd bit is they would stop if they new how, but they don't even know...they love you without doubt...someone said to me ones..if you feel like someone is controlling you, do your best to deal with them as little as san be brave, you can face the a great book have recently..Illusions by Richard Bach it has lovely quotes for a nice life helped me...i hope it helps you. best wishes..An English Gent x

Mental Abuse - Nikki - Jan 16th 2011

I am currently 24 years old, and I have been depressed for years, living at home.. I am not in a situation where I can move out on my own, but I feel as though I have suffered from years of verbal abuse.. it used to be very bad, I was called selfish a lot by my mother, which is completely untrue, and overly sensitive, which is indeed true.. but I've done so much for them.. endless amounts of housework, I help pay the bills when I can, and I haven't been able to be who I am as a person.. the abuse I have experienced for years is religiously.. I'm selfish, and a terrible person basically, for not feeling comfortable following their Christian beliefs.. I used to cut myself for feeling like such a sinner, I was forced to go to church for years, and it still happens today, though its more or so "Please come, you need to go" and if I don't, I will feel guilty, and hear about it later. I am scarred permanetely and have been put down so much, I hate myself as a person, as a human being, and as a daughter.. I have never dated, I don't have any true close friends, and I feel alone.. I don't ever think I could allow myself to be with anyone, with all this self hatred in my heart..


I don't like hurting anyone, so I tried putting up with the religious differences for years, pretending I could make it work on my end, but I just can't anymore. I respect people's religions, but why force them on another? Of course living here, I've had to abide by the rules, but it's cost me so much pain, and anxiety :'(. I would hear things like "You have no reason to be sad, God has blessed you!" and "Don't reject God after all he's done for you" so everything that I do, I feel is wrong, and it's always turned to God and the Devil. I must have evil spirits in me, if I disagree, and feel differently. I'm not really ranting, I'm very sad at the moment, and just reflecting, but.. I hope no one has experienced not being able to be who you are.. I hope I can heal and mend, once I graduate college, and get on my own, but I've done so much damage to my health having breakdowns and anxiety attacks, I feel like my heart isn't in a good condition, and I feel it fluttering a lot, and I often have to take breaks from being lightheaded, dizzy, and having horrible migraines.. I love my family very much, but my esteem is gone, I never want to open up to anyone (dating wise), because I have too many problems mentally, and I wish I wasn't born sometimes, to cause anyone any pain... :'/ No one can hurt me like my family.. even a certain look will feel like a stab in the chest..


I can't take disappointing them over small petty things anymore.. or hearing endless criticisms of what I'm doing wrong, when all I strive to do daily is right.. I will hang in there, until I can become independant, which is why I hardly ever complain.. this is my problem, I've kept myself in this awful situation, by not knowing a thing about being on my own, and being prepared for this life, at all.. I won't make it, the world is too cruel, and I cry too easily.. I need my mental strength back.. my purpose back.. I will continue to think positive, through this dark stage of my life.. everything happens for a reason...

@ last poster (Verbal) - Helena - Dec 16th 2010

Hi, if someone is consistently putting you down and making you feel bad about yourself then this is a form of mental abuse. Someone doesn't have to shout or roar at you, if they keep being smart with you about your appearance ... 'you're slutty looking' ... 'you look fat in that' ... 'you're stupid', this has a deep impact on your self esteem. If you feel bad enough to come on here looking for advice then you know the answer already.

I would recommend get someone to look after your child for a few hours in the evening and talk to your partner/husband when he gets home. Let him know how cruel his comments are and how hurt you feel. Have a discussion with him and see if he even realises what he's doing is wrong and having such a negative impact on you and on the family as a whole. I'm sure when you're upset child also feels it.

If he doesn't realise then give him a second chance to change, however, if he does realise and is still being so nasty to you I would recommend you take a little break by yourself somewhere for awhile to think about your future with a man who doesn't appear to have any respect for you. Believe me, when communication doesn't work then it's time to think about your mental health and sanity. Hopefully though, he doesn't realise he's being  so nasty to you and hurting you so deeply and a chat will be all it takes.

I hope things work out for you. Be strong.






Verbal - - Dec 10th 2010

I think that I have been in this type for awhile ... going on 4 years and havent been able to leave because of dependency....he makes me feel low and I remember when we first got together he had told me that he doesnt like fat girls...well I had a baby since and I havent been able to get down to the size I was before and sometimes the things I wear theres a negative what I can or cannot wear...if we go to a party and like he says "if it looks slutty, I just wont go"...makes me feel like I am not worthy enough to be seen unless I am dressed like a nun...Am I in a verbal abuse or am I just taking it too personal?

Abuse - superman - Dec 8th 2010
Abuse is bad i dont know why people do it!!!!!!!!!  THATS BAD

what type of abuse could this be? - christy - Dec 8th 2010

I was just wondering what  title the abuse I have endured is called. Since I was a child, my mother has always enjoyed putting me in harms way. It is as if she gets a sort of pleasure if bad things happen to me, and she will NEVER defend me or help me.


regarding previous commenter - Helena - Dec 7th 2010

to the comment below me, yup, that is abuse indeed. and he needs some anger managment.

Sometimes it's the little things - ia - Dec 6th 2010

When I first started dating my boyfriend he was so sweet. He had such a concern for my happiness, and soon ( 6 months later ) was wanting me to move in with him. I probably would have waited but I actually needed a roommate so it seamed to work out. It wasn't long after I moved in that I was made to feel like I was getting everything wrong, why couldn't i hang up the towels just the way he wanted, why did he have to ask me to clean the kitchen floor, this was something I should have just know. I'll be the first person to admit that I'm not perfect but the extent he makes me feel bad on a daily basis, nobody should have to go through. It may seam like little things but let say if he finds a glass with a water stain he will throw it on the floor and break it, he will curse like crazy and I feel like I am walking on eggshells. It is a horrible situation and I'm trying to afford a way out. I just can't live with being consistently criticized and made to feel guilty. I'm I crazy or is this abuse?

I'm 32 years old and still at the receiving end - Still being abused in CT - Nov 27th 2010

I see that there are a lot of tweens and teenagers writing on this forum about their experiences. I'm sorry that you all have gone/currently going through this. I can sympathize with you. I thought I would share because it wasn't until recently that I realized that I have been mentally abused by my mother.

For as long as I could remember, my adoptive mother, daughter of a raging alcoholic and a control freak with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and a gambling addict, always telling me that I could never do a good enough job at anything that I tried to do. I never was praised and where I worked hard to acheive my goals in school or in my career, I, instead, got spoken to about how much better I could have done or what I had done wrong in that condescending tone of hers. I was always asked to clean the house during the summer months when I was on school break and did an exceptional job at it. When my mother came home she took one look and said, "You didn't do a good enough job. You didn't do anything. This place still looks dirty. The only person who can do a good enough job is me." She then proceeded to redo everything that I had already done.

I also was heavily involved in volleyball and other school activities such as choir and band. I often would find my father the only parent sitting in the bleachers or audience and very seldomly saw my mother there. If she was there she always had the look of discontent or seemed like being there was a waste of her time.

My teenage years were difficult because I often rebelled against her due to the fact that she was so controlling. She never let me have any friends over from high school and refused to allow me to have a boyfriend. I had boyfriends since the 7th grade and every year since until my senior year. My junior year in highschool was the most difficult because that was the first year that both of my parents knew about my boyfriend. She didn't like him because he wasn't the same race and because he lived in a trailer park. I always fought for him (he was my first love) and tried to explain to her that him living in a trailer wasn't his or his mother's fault that his dad left them. I tried to explain to her that because his mother was a single mother of two trying to make ends meet as best she could that the only housing they could afford was a trailer. They were good people with big hearts and that I loved them all so much. Unfortunately, that fell on deaf ears because all she said was that he and his family were trash and that she doesn't trust him. Still, that didn't stop me. Our arguments increased quite a bit with me wanting more freedom and wanting more time away from home.

Our arguments were always heated and at one point had turned violent. She always has to have the last word and won't let anything go or let it be. She kept putting me down and saying how worthless I was and I had reached my breaking point. I threw a full 2-liter bottle of soda at her head from the porch down onto her in the driveway. It missed her but in the end, I was the one that needed to go to anger management.

Things got better between us when I finally left home but unfortunately, I had to return recently because being unemployed due a recent layoff, and a condo that we were renting was sold under us forcing us out with two young children of my own and a husband who's job doesn't pay that much forced us into living with my parents once again.

The abuse is still bad and now that I have two children of my own she is now saying that I don't know how to take care of them and how bad of a parent I am on top of everything else she used to say when I was younger. We had gotten into an argument last week over the disciplining of my children and how wrong it was that she was going to bring in my in-laws into the mix. During that argument I got so incredibly angry because I had advised her that she has no place or say in how my children are raised and disciplined nd athat everything that I had suffered throughout my life all came flooding back.

The things that I learned from my therapist is that you, yourself, cannot change that person's behavior, responses and attitude towards any situation, regardless of what that may be. The problem is NOT you, it's them. There are things that they have experienced in their life that they have no idea how to handle and so the only way that they can feel important, powerful and be in control is to put you down. If you're able, get away from the situation so that you can put up your own boundaries. Remember, you are a wonderful person with a lot to offer the world. You are intelligent, beautiful and precious and worth fighting for.

trying to start a page to help stop the cycle of abuse - H. Sullivan - Nov 27th 2010

How I stumbled upon this website, which I feel It was by the grace of God, was through face book.  I was trying to start a page to help stop the cycle of abuse (emotional/psychological).  My situationhas dates back approximately ten years or more.  In 2000 I became involved with A New Hope Center in Owego, NY after explaining my situation to my EAP representive (where I worked at the time), where the founder looked at my information and then looked at me from above the rim of her glasses and said, 'yes these letters are abusive and yes you are a victem of abuse' though she did add that because it was part of emotional abuse, that it was a he said/she said situation and difficult to prove.   As there are good days in here as well, I've become very frustrated because the majority of the time it seems to be an uphill battle.   My concern however is not so much with me, as it is with my 14 year old son, who I feel is effected most by all this, because in 2008 I filed a petition in family court to have the our court order changed so as my son would have a voice in the matter.  However, two days later my son called me at work to ask if he might be able to 'hang out' with a friend whom he didn't have a chance to do to often and I had said to call his father, due to the fact that it was a day that his father was to pick him up for a visitation.  He then called me back at work and what he told me was again appalling to me because I wondered if this will ever end.  My son told me that his step mother had said 'what, you think you can call the shot's now'.   From that day forward, although it states my son has a choice, I believe that he really doesn't and that choice that I fought so hard for.

hi - boe - Nov 18th 2010

I hate abuse !!!!!!!!!!!!

DONT LOSE HOPE! - Anonymous - Nov 10th 2010

To the individuals who are being abused:

I initially came on this site to answer some questions about my current situation. I realize that as severe and as dark as my situation seems to me I see that there are so many lives out there that are truly suffering just as I am. I want to let you know DON'T LOSE HOPE! I know it may not seem that way, all the years you've had to deal with someone telling you "You're nothing," that you "Will Never Amount to Anything," that you were "A Mistake", that you're "Worthless", "Cheap", and that "No one will ever truly Love you because "You're all fucked up." Individuals who may have physically inflicted pain on you and told you that, "You made them do it",  or that "If you would've not said foul things to them you wouldn't have gotten chocked or pushed", or said to you that "You provoked them" and that you "Deserve to be hurt or beaten because you're worthless."I want you to tell these people who are doing or saying these horrific things to you "Enough, I am not afraid of you!"

I want you to know that there is a God, who sees everything and knows everything. That you are not alone! I say even if you don't believe in HIM, he believes in you and he is watching over you! Don't seek out vengeance, this will only cause you more pain. I know that sometimes you feel so helpless and so angry of what has been done to you! Don't commit the same cruel sin that others have comitted unto you! You will only be bringing a curse upon your soul.

I would like you to say this prayer now or in your most desperate hour, if you get a chance to get this far in reading this:

God, I come to you right now. I humble my will to you! You're my only hope, even though I feel that all have abandoned me I seek you right now in my most darkest hour! Please help me get through this most painful situation. I pray that you may help me overcome this and give me the courage to believe in myself and come out strong! I pray in your name Jesus Christ. Amen

I know that he will hear you. Don't lose hope, please! We need you in this world. You're life is worth more than 7 worlds like this one!

I pray for you to have peace today and I pray that your souls will be able to read this and know that you are not alone!


fu**** up life - - Nov 4th 2010

i used to live with my mom, and that was hell. She would comment everyday on how i dressed telling me i looked horrible, and she would steal my things. such as my pocketknives and clothes. she would use my emotions to her advantage and if i ever tried to refuse her, she would tell everyone that i never did anything to help her. when my sister was molested a few years ago, she acted like she was the victim, and emotionaly abused my sister. My sister finally moved to my dad's house (my parents are divorced.) when she did, my mom tried to get me to think she was the victim, she did everything to make me happy for awhile, then if she wanted something, she would guilt me into doing it for her. she smoked pot and the entire house was a smoke house. it wasn't healthy for me and my little 5 year old brother. then if i didn't do exactly what she wanted me to do, she would cuss me out, then tell me she wasn't cussing me out, she was cussing at me, and i was a dumbass for not seeing the difference. my sister was no help either. she had always been the favorite. no matter what she did, she never got punished. if she did something she knew was wrong, she only got a warning. if i did the same thing maybe a few weeks later, i got severly whipped for it. when my sister cut all her hair off and blamed me for it, i was immediatly punnished. she got caught in the lie a few days later, and everyone told her she had lost their trust, but she got it back maybe a week later, when it took me years to get back any form of trust. this was after she did everything she could to move over my dads. she didn't get any crap from it. she even cussed out my mom several times. i tried the same thing a few months later, i wanted to move to my dads to get out of the emotional hellhole i had been living in. i got cussed out by my mom and then she told me i wasn't allowed because she needed me here to watch my little brother. not because she loved me, not because she would miss me, but because she needed a free babysitter. that night, i cried for the first time in about a year. i fought with everything i had to live over my dads, and along the way, i attempted suicide, and i cut myself. i still do. but not because of before, but because my best friend commited suicide about 2 weeks ago. it makes me guilty for trying to talk to people about my problems because i know that there are people out there who have it worse than i do and i dont know who is going through what, and if i try to get out what im feeling, i could be talking to someone with worse problems. can anyone help me?

miss the pain - - Nov 3rd 2010

I have benn verbally abused and neglected for most of my life, and was also physically abused for 3 or 4 yrs. It has all stopped recently, except for the neglect, but now i have found that i miss the felling of pain that it gave me. I want to be the girl whose life is tragic and is thought to be strong because of what she's been through. I sit here thinking "Why would i miss that?!" but yet i miss it. I miss the pain. Why??

i have nothing - Ash - Nov 3rd 2010

I dated this guy for four years and a after about two years i became pregnant. He was happy but suddenly started hurting me and would try to play it off as he was just playing around and i ended up losing the baby. i a few months later i ended up pregnant again and the abuse got worse he would hit me in the stomach and take a blanket and put it over my head until i could barely breathe. he would hold me down and just push down on my stomach. i finally broke it off and ended up losing the baby. its been over a year and im still trying to deal with this. i have bad anxiety and depression of this.

I can relate - Leah - Nov 1st 2010

I am so sorry for everyones hard aches and yes many of you who have been asking"is this abuse" You are being abused. I guess I have been in denial for most of my life.  I was abused by my father who I saw as a big bully as a child.  He would hit me and my sister and threatend me multiple times.  He then would have the nerve to say things like "I still love you"..Really? I have also been abused by my former classmates at school.  I remember being pushed and slapped in the face by a guy at my school.  I was also teased and made fun of a lot, so much so that I tried to commite suicide.  I'm in the process of handling my depression as a result of my past and have severe trust issues with people and shy away from social events because I feel very uncomfortable in them.  I hope that one day I can help others who have been bullied/ abused and create some kind of organization to help men and women of abusive relationships.  God bless you all and look for local places to get help please because you are worth it.

re - - Oct 29th 2010

wow-not saying- July 11th  2010,,

You will get through this please dont commet suicide

sheesh. - Zoey101 - Oct 27th 2010

well i haven't been abused badly but my family pretty much metntally abuses eachother. my step-dad will yell & scream at me & my lil sister. he will emotionally abuse my mom. from him screaming & yelling all the time it wears off on to me and my sister . we will yell and scream at eachother all the time . we'll call each other stupid , ugly, and ect. 

RE:::Abuse? - Marissa - Oct 19th 2010 - Brookelynn Steele - Oct 26th 2010

Look u need to let someone know that he is doing this so it will stop or it will get worse....I know from experience.... I'm so sorry that you are going through this...

Abuse? - Marissa - Oct 19th 2010

Well, to start off, I'm 16 years old and I have an older brother who is 18 years old. Every day that i come home from school, he verbally attacks me with curse words and is constantly bringing me down. If he sees that what he is saying does not bother me (I am ignoring him), he will hit me, spit on me, or kick me so that he will get some sort of reaction out of me. It's like he feeds off of my pain. I don't know exactly how to word it right. After he gets done with his tantrum, he'll act like he never did or said anything to hurt me. I try not to cry in front of him, because i know he'll do it again if he knows it hurts me. I don't know what to do, and I just don't know if i can take it anymore. And i really wish somebody could help me.

"Overpowered" - Raye - Oct 10th 2010

Long story, short:

My parents will not accept me because of my sexuality.  You see, im bisexual.  Because of that, my parents have taken my phone away, their preventing me from seeing my friends(some whom are bi), and not letting me join the Theatre Department at my school because of a few of my friends that are bi are in there.  We are always arguing, my parents and i about this.  Its seriously tearing me apart and making me miserable.  I feel im going through mental abuse, i really do.  Its just horrible and i cant even do anything about it.  Everyday, im crying and im basicly locked up in my room.  I cant see any of my good loving friends.  Well my sister gets to see hers, while im just sitting in my room doing nothing.  I really need help.  Theirs so much more to this story than this paragraph.

sorry - - Oct 8th 2010

wow all these storys on here makes me wanna cry for you guys im sorry this has happen to you!

The Younger you get out the better. - Sarah G - Sep 21st 2010

Hello, When I was younger, about 3, I was experiencing that my parents were yelling at each other a lot. I was wondering what it was about and I was silent about it and let it become normal. Each time my sister and I went to my grandma's, my mom would tell me "don't tell Grandma that I'm drinking, ok?"

I said "Ok."

So I went up to my grandma's place and when my grandma asked, I said "yes" once, but after that, each time I said "no".

we moved after the 5th grade.

it only came to me when I was going into the 5th grade, something big was rising.. a big monster inside my parents.

after grade 6 was finished, the verbal violence turned into physical violence now. when my parents got drunk they would start violence, my dad would abuse my mom and my mom would get really beat up. this happened at least 6 times before FINALLY my dad left. it was a year later that happened.

But after I was finished grade 7, the summer before grade 8, My mom BARELY had any food, and nothing but booze. she would bring home these weirdos and stuff like that, and yelled at my sister and I a lot.

A week into grade 8, some social workers had dropped by. they were talking to my mom and stuff like that, and finally said that they had to take my sister and I away. The moment I realized all this Sh** was happening, the workers asked:

"have you been drinking?"

my mom said "yes, I wouldn't lie to you."

my mom was lying to my sis and I all along. I realized this was a fragment of all the problems.

about half an hour later we left, and I was glad. I was so happy to return to my hometown with my grandma and out of that Sh**hole life.


As of this day, I'm happily starting grade 10 with a boyfriend of 1 year. I'm currently 15 and I'm doing very well. But my boyfriend is from the town the abuse was all in. 80 miles, 2 hours the distance. Our relationship is healthy and we sort out problems easily.

hola soy yo otra vez / hello me again - - Aug 25th 2010

hola soy yo otra vez, quisiera darles las gracias por publicar mi comentario y disculparme a la vez, ya que utilice en varias palabras el " @ " eso es debido a que en muchos países de lenguaje español se usa el " @ " para no utilizar la gramática y así disminuir el número de palabras en un e-mail, mensaje de texto, etc..Es por eso que algunas palabras no tenían sentido para el traductor.
La palabra del segundo párrafo era:agredida o agredido.
Las palabras de tercer párrafo son: sola o solo (alone).. incomprendido indefensa.
En el español y en especial el castellano, las palabras tienen muchos significados y no me acordaba de eso..

Me despido cordialmente diciéndoles muchas gracias.

hello me again, I thank you for publishing my comment and apologize at once, and to use several words the "@" that's because in many countries of the Spanish language uses the "@" for not using grammar and reduce the number of words in an e-mail, text message, etc. .. That's why some words make no sense for the translator.
The word of the second paragraph was, attacked or assaulted.
The words of the third paragraph are: single or alone (alone) ... helpless .. misunderstood
In Spanish and in particular the Castilian, words have meanings too and I do not remember that ..

I say goodbye cordially saying thank you very much.

El abuso verbal es más peligroso que el físico - - Aug 21st 2010

Perdonen por escribir en español. El abuso verbal desmoraliza, intimida, denigra, menosprecia, hace creer a la persona agredida que es inferior y que no sirve para nada.. Destruye la autoestima, te hace pensar que es imposible alcanzar tus metas y sueños. La palabra puede ser tan destructiva como un arma y tan filosa como un cuchillo..

Esta agresión tiene la particularidad que es atemporal y puede afectar toda la vida de una persona (¿Quién no se recuerda de alguien que expresó hacia ti de manera constante y reiterada un lenguaje verbal hiriente, denigrante y ofensivo?..Familiares, compañeros de estudio, etc). Los agresores ni siquiera les interesa el impacto que tienen sus palabras y como lo que dicen afecta a una persona permanentemente. La vida del agredid@ cambia completamente, la forma de ver la vida es más complicada y llena de temores, fobias, tristezas y depresiones, la manera de relacionarse con lo demás cambia drásticamente.

Durante la niñez y la adolescencia es realmente difícil lidear con este tipo de situaciones. Te sientes sol@, incomprendid@ y muchas veces indefens@ frente a este tipo de circunstancias. ¿Cuántos niñ@s  se vuelven   introvertidos y en otros casos violentos y agresivos?

¿Cuántos adolescentes caen en estados graves de depresión y muchos intentan suicidarse debido a que no soportan este tipo de abusos? ¿Cuántos comienzan a consumir drogas por este tipo de situaciones? Yo todavía estoy lidiando con todas las secuelas de años de abuso verbal y les puedo decir que me ha costado mucho ir sanando esas heridas...El escribir esto me ha ayudado mucho..Gracias a todos los lectores que están leyendo este comentario. Les deseo una HERMOSA VIDA (BEAUTIFUL LIFE) y les mando un caluroso abrazo..Gracias (thank you very much)

Editor's Note: Google Translate provides us with an English version:

Sorry for writing in Spanish. Verbal abuse demoralize, intimidate, denigrate, disparage, to believe that the person attacked is less and that is good for nothing .. Destroys self-esteem, makes you think it is impossible to achieve your goals and dreams. The word can be as destructive as a weapon and sharp as a knife ..

This aggression has the peculiarity that is timeless and can affect the lifetime of a person (Who does not remember someone said to you constantly and consistently a verbal offensive, demeaning and offensive? .. Family, fellow students , etc). The attackers did not even care about the impact of their words and how they say it affects a person permanently. Life @ assaulted completely changes the way you see life is more complicated and full of fears, phobias, sadness and depression, how to interact with other changes drastically.

During childhood and adolescence is really difficult lidear with this type of situation. You feel the sun @ @ and often misunderstood @ defenseless against this type of circumstances. S How many children will become withdrawn and in some cases violent and aggressive?

How many teens fall into serious states of depression and many attempt suicide because they do not support this type of abuse? How many start using drugs of this type of situation? I am still dealing with all the consequences of years of verbal abuse and I can say I had a hard time to go heal those wounds ... Writing this has helped me a lot .. Thanks to all readers who are reading this review. I wish you a Wonderful Life (Beautiful Life) and I send a warm hug .. Gracias (thank you very much)

Is this abuse can somebody help me? - Jay - Aug 19th 2010

Ive been married to 2 years during the last year I suffered job loss and during the last 6 months i have been unable to work, my husband has become increasingly mentally abusive and has cancelled credit cards in both our names. I have no way to get money he has a truck but has taken the keys away I have no trasportation to get a job, he will not give me money to do get nessessities I need. He leaves me at the house and I have no where to go what do I do? He is military. I just had surgery on my back even if I wanted to work I could not work for long hours. I have no friends here. We have a 3 year old daughter together. What are the steps I should take to get out of this relationship and back on my feet? I offered to leave everything to him (the house, furniture, money), get my own job and apartment, but he will not give me access to the truck to get a job. If I wanted an apartment I have no money to put down a a security deposit or get any utilities in my name because he's closed the bank accounts in our name and credit cards in our name.

Not sure what type of abuse? - Jennifer - Aug 17th 2010

My story is so weird. its very strange and exhausting trying to understand my spouse. from day 1 i have found out he has cheated, with people he would meet on myspace, he brought me 2 stds. we have 1 son, am currently 8 months preganant with another. I recently made him leave due to the fact he would not help with bills, hed get paid and i would have nooo idea where money went, he always claimed he had better back up, which i encouraged him to go to if they were so great, however he continues to text me EVERYDAY saying hurtful things, like hes happy, never wants to see the kids. Then hell say "Can i come over" I say no, then it changes to, "Its ok, I have better anyway" However he calls and texts EVERYNIGHT to go out, or invites me to eat, movies, I know hes not with a girl. However, why does he WANT to hurt me? I feel sooo over all this. However with his strange harassment I am not sure what to think, I do start to feel insecure at times due to it even though I know hes mentally playing with me. he wants me to react and beg for him to be with me and I refuse. Im so confused and dont know what to do. I know he loves me, however he just cant commit to only me, he suggested we have an open relationship which I do not agree with. He claims it will fix him. I know I should let it go, but after 4 years, I feel its all I am used to... any advice?

Verbal abuse - - Aug 12th 2010

When I was 10 years old I was verbaly abused by my parents and my sister. My parents would get into arguments every other day over and my mother would take her anger out on me. She would tell me that I was ugly and critcize the way I looked. As an example she would tell me that I had a large nose or that my hair was an ugly color, and because I was so young i thought that if i pinched my nose enough that it would somehow be a little bit smaller. My father wasn't as bad but I had become so insecure about myself that every little insult was painful. My sister was really bad, she would tell me that I was weird, ugly, stupid, and that i was a loser and had no friends. This became so bad to the point where i was actually thinking of commiting suicide at 10 years old.

When I got to be a little bit older things got a lot better for me. I made a couple of friends that helped me so much. They gave me a little bit of my self confidence back, and because of this i was finally able to stand up to my parents. My father stopped the abuse but my mother got worse. On top of what she was saying to me already, she would be calling me a bitch(she was only 15), whore, and a loser. Her and my sister had begun to fight because of my sister's mood swing from her pregnancy. So my mother would again take her anger out on me and come to my room for no reason and start yelling at me and insulting me.

As i got older i would issolate myself from my family by locking myself in my room to avoid critcizism. To pass the time I would play online games, like runescape or world of warcraft. I met a lot of people their who have really helped me. On WoW i met my Boyfriend Matthew B. who I haven't even told this much about my abuse to him. He has helped me because of how he told me that what they were doing was wrong in so many ways. Which was the first time that i have ever heard that it was wrong, I had just come to believe that this was normal. Also how that my family the one thing i should have in this world to depend on treats me worse than complete strangers. 

Now I am 17 years old I am more secure with myself and I still suffer through some abuse. Most of it from my mother telling me that I am stupid and because of this even though i am smart. I am very insercure with my intelligence because of everything i have experienced in my childhood I have become somewhat shy and cynical. I also have developed minor depression.

I am glad to have found this site because i am able to say everything that i have been through without worrying about how the few people who i am close to have a changed perspective of me.

hang close - - Aug 6th 2010

each and every one of us posesses the love we want to see in the world. Stay strong in that.....hang close to those who you KNOW care about the right way.

is this abuse or just normal?? - vampiregirl - Aug 3rd 2010

Hi. I am 12 years old. Every day I have to babysit my brother who has ADHD. I also have to keep my room, the kitchen and the porch clean. Not a big deal. But every day my mother comes home and yells at me(and my siblings) and curses about it not being clean enough and how we are not good at anything and we should go live with our dad. She puts us down all the time. I know she loves us and it is hard being a single mother but sometimes it is to hard to handle the yelling and put downs. I am starting to think that I am ugly and worthless and, in her words, a b*tch. Is this abuse or just normal?

idiot, book of stupidity , basturd , verbal abuse - himanshu - Jul 27th 2010

my father who is bluddy idiot has been verbally abusing me and my mother from the start . as i was born and addmitted to a intense care centre my father made a comment "when will this creature die" abt me which my mother cn recall which he made to my grandmother .i am fedup of abusing behind him and telling others so tat is all am gonna say.

What do i do about my boyfriends sister abuse - Chantelle - Jul 16th 2010

Well i get abuse from my boyfriends sister i do nothing i get call Bit** Mole a Whore and tell me i'm a lazy Bit** a Slut and she does abuse her mother and everyone else Sometimes i tell my boyfriend what she says to me i need advise is i can put charges on her or not? she dose have Add and -HD and she stills from the house hold and denise that she dosn't take it but i get attack by her calling me affending words to me. What do i do? And I'm 23 and my boyfriends sister is 24

mental and physical abuse. - - Jul 12th 2010

I was mentally abuse by my mother, physically abused by sister, and sexually abused by my grandfather. My mother is an alcoholic and says horrible things when she is drunk then acts like nothing ever happened the next day. I'm am a 35yr old female and just started to realize how badly i've been scarred by my childhood. I am abusing drugs and alcohol but trying to quit. I've set up a meeting with a counselor and I am currently attendin g aa meetings. Just because you were abused does'nt mean you don't deserve to live a happy life. I need to deal with all the pain I have endured and I find that reading and talking about it helps a lot. Good luck to all who have been abused. I know how hard it is but the fear of becoming the abuser is what pushed me to get help.

is it abuse? - Anna D. - Jul 11th 2010

My mom and dad never really got along and got divorced. A couple years ago my dad got a bad case of liver disease. He had to stay in the hospital for a couple months. Me and my little brother stayed with our grandparents while he was there. After my dad got out of the hospital, me and my brother were so happy to see him. A couple years later, I am now 12, almost 13, and my brother 8. Me and my brother are getting worried about him because every time me or him does something wrong ,like accidently slams a door, he yells at us. I try to tell him i didnt mean to but he just yells at me. Most of the time he screams ' Well at least your not gunna die soon like me' or 'why dont you go live with your piece of s*** mother for all i care' and i always feel horrible afterwards and get so mad at him for saying that stuff about my mom. He says a bunch of other stuff also that really affects me.

The one place i can go to get away from it all is school. My friends always make me feel so happy and make me enjoy life. But when i get home, its back to the yelling again.

It is now summer vacation and i have nothing to do but get yelled at by my father for no reason. Just the other day i got yelled at for not having pockets in my shorts. And just yesterday he took down my door because 'Its shut to much' i just dont understand it....

I always get so jealous of my friends when i see them having fun with their dad and it just makes me sad....I just dont think a 12 and a half year  old should go through this....

Is there anything i can do?


There will come a time - Tee - Jul 7th 2010

I am so glad to have found a site where people share their experience of abuse. Well, as a Samoan, the law isn't enforced here, so everytime we get beaten up, they blame the culture. I mean, that is usually the culture. They believe that when a child is rowdy or when a child makes a mistake, they must discipline. And when I say discipline, I mean, beaten to ground with a hose, or with a golf bat, or baseball bat you name it. These people grab whatever is in sight. I've had my share of beatings and as I grew up, I learned to accept it. It was difficult for me, but I told myself that it'll all get better in time. I am now 19 years old (I know, not that old) and I still have to put up with the beatings. My parents don't beat me as much, but I'd rather get beat up then hear all the mean things they yell at me. Yes, I don't blame some of you for wanting to commit suicide because, I myself wanted to do the same, but my sister told me that if I were to do that, I would be considered the most selfish person on earth. I believe myself to be the black sheep of the family, but that's only psychological. If I keep telling myself that, it'll only make it look like I am. I tell myself that my parents love me.. and they do .. they really do. But, not only did they abuse me physically, but also emotionally.. I was even sexually abused by my uncle, and I never told anyone. He did the same to another girl, but the only difference was that she opened her mouth. After all these years, I never told a soul. I'm afraid of what my father would do to him. Now, that so called uncle of mine is in jail. Well, Im not dellusional when I tell myself these things just to get better. But I believe that there will come a time that the God we look up to will fix everything. I don't want to be considered as selfish. I mean, if I were to commit suicide, then I'd leave everyone mourning, and I feel that this is enough pain for my siblings to bear. I dont want to be a burdent to them. The greates part of my journey in life is that I developed a brain tumor. I know, whats great about it. Well, the doctors believe that it is out of stress, and thoughts of suicide, well, my parents went easy on my. Nine out of ten people die from this sickness, and trust, I was lucky enough to have made it. YAY... wellz... I just thank Heavenly Father that though these things happen to us, He is always there to comfort us. No Im not going all out religious on you guys but, just think about, He is the alpha and the omega.. THERE WILL COME A TIME.. He will make it all better. I just pray that none of you will decide to commit suicide. I'll pray fo your souls. May you find peace within you hearts. Just believe in yourselves.. and believe that THERE WILL COME A TIME........ :)

wow - not saying - Jul 7th 2010

 i been going trew aliitle bit a verbal abuse scerectly. my mom feel bad for my dad and people who put on the nice guy act,she been in this too lately this been going for  quet a while now. i been getting horible then goten ok a few months ago. people have been making a reports and then been getting made, i having thoughts of sucide over this can some please help me,

I don't like this situation - - Jul 5th 2010

my father's been mentally abusing me for years and I am now old enough to realize it. at first I was like "there is no way" but then I started reading up on what mental abuse was and my situation fits most of the criteria. We're all buddy buddy sometimes and he says he loves me but when I go and do something wrong he controls and manipulates me like a puppet. I go to therapy now and even the therapist asked if he was ever physically abusive to me; I was shocked to hear this because all I heard from my mother was that he was "a great man and that I love him so much" and I believed her, maybe he's doing this without any knowledge. First my friend's pointed it out to me when I'd tell them how frustrated at was and then my therapist. This situation makes me so angry because I've felt for the longest time that I owe him something for a being a great parent. I feel ashamed because I can't live up to his standards; he uses experiences in my life to make me feel like crap and to make me do what he wants me to. I can't take it anymore!! Any advice would be extremely appreciated :)

Worried - - Jul 3rd 2010

I've been reading about abuse and neglect. I'm worried I'm abused. My dad was threated me to hit me against a wall. When I try to tell him something he sends me to my room and yells at me like it was my fault. He threathens to hit me and brother with a belt or fly swatter. I've been starting to get very worried. He also once hit my brother really hard five times. This has just started a few years ago. I can't figure out why. I've been staying my distance lately from him. Worried to be abused. I used to get hit really hard so hard it left a red mark. And every time I try to tell him that I don't like what he is doing he yells at me more. I'm so worried. I have told him I would runaway if he didn't be nice to me. But instead he called me some bad words. My self-steem has gone down totally and I feel worthless and stupid for asking question to him. No body else understands. Sometimes I feel like I'm all alone. I have dreams and I look them up and it always talks about being alone in your life. Sometimes I run to my room when my brother is about to get hit. I don't want to be abused! I'm sick and tired of it! I've been telling myself when I move out and have my own life and home my life will be so much better. But until then I keep singing sad songs and crying. 

Running into a brick wall - jasmine1995 - Jun 17th 2010

I have been married for 13 years.  I have two daughters by my husband whom I have been with since I was 14.  I am also a stay at home mom and I love my girls very much. My husband became abusive not too long after we started dating with short periods of him being nice.  The abuse worsened with him drinking heavily.  The past few months he has gotten very mean, telling me I am stupid, I am worthless, and I am not to go anywhere except church, amongst many other things.  I have decided to leave this relationship because of the abuse.  On June 3 we went to court in our small little country town and he was awarded tempory custody.  Now he is verbally abusing my daughters and telling them their mother left them and that she hates them.  They do not call me because they believe everything their father is saying.  The abuse was brought up during the hearing and the judge dismissed it as false testimony.  How can this be?  I have physical eveidence proving it.  I feel the abuse more than ever now that a judge gave him the green light and he still harrasses me, stalks me, and manipulates me with the children.  I feel the system has let me and my children down just becasue of the good-ol-boy symdrome.  I do not understand why abuse is not that important in the court of law.

neglection? abuse? or just me? - BiteMe13 - Jun 3rd 2010

Okay, I've never been a daddy's little girl. Like as far as I can remember, I never was. They have a few pictures when I was 2 or 3, I was pretty close to my dad. But one year, he left to visit his parents...and stayed there for a whole year. Well, during that year he was gone, my uncle sort of replaced him. He took care of me, began to teach me how to speak, changed diapers (yeah, it took me a while to catch on to the whole "use the toilet" thing), helped me sleep during the nights I couldn't sleep or had nightmares. I had a babysitter whose children I played with, and every night at around 8pm their father would come home. I remember (although slightly fuzzily) that they would run to him and hug him, plant kisses all over him. I would stand around awkwardly in the back, just watching this unfold, with a slight twist in my stomach that I didn't have a daddy to pick me up or ask me how my day was. So i began calling my uncle "daddy". Well, when my father actually came back, he wasn't too happy about that. There was a bit of accusing about cheating, but my mom set him straight. But whatever happened during that year, changed me. I didn't hug him, I didn't really do anything around him. I guess he tried to be nice, but I just...didn't see him as much of a father figure. But he didn't try too hard either. (This i remember perfectly!) I was six when I was beginning to get the training wheels taken off my bike, and my dad didn't help me learn. He wasn't there for me. My uncle helped me get up every time I fell down, pushed me when I began to give up or cry and steadied me when my bike began to screw up. My dad wasn't there. And he could have been. That made me more rebellious during the teen years (the now years). I argued with him, disobeyed him with all the little things One time, he was being a serious nut toward my little brother. That set me off. Anytime he mentioned anything mean toward my brother I would respond for him to stop it and leave him alone. He doesn't like being disagreed with. I learned that because I walked into church the very next hour with a busted lip (i got lucky because at least i was able to block most of my face). So far, I've never hugged him except when I'm forced to in front of company. There's never been an exchange in sweet words, or anything like that. I guess all i ever wanted was to have a daddy like my friends. A daddy who would tell me that I was his favorite, and give me a hug and kiss before I went to sleep, and to be comforted when I felt alone. Nothing. But it's too late now. I'm 15 and I've learned too grow up without him. All I got so far was a "IOU a year of your life". He tries, sure sometimes. But, i guess it is a bit too late now.

Tell me, is this anything? Or is it just me?

WOW!! :| - LEXii - May 20th 2010

 i kant believe this is happening in this world why cant we all just do good nd not sin nd do bad things because this is way out of hand all i am sayin is dont make bad decisions if they r abusing yu then leave DONT DEBATE...

Afraid of my abusive brother - Roses4ever - Apr 26th 2010


I'm in my late 30s living back home with my mother, my dad died 2 months ago so it is just the two of us now in this house (which is my childhood home).  I am disabled living with chronic pain and studying, my mother also has poor health (diabitis and asthma).  Since my dad went we are having to deal with the problem of my brother who is addicted to drugs as is his wife - the real problem is they live in my mother's other house just up the road!  It is a CRAZY situation. 

My dad put him in there when the family was doing financially better and my brother's behaviour got progressively worse through drugs...  He intimidated and emotionally abused the whole family.  He would also lie and steal, yell in our faces and push us (younger sisters)against the wall, sometimes digging his fingers into my ribs.  In short he bullied the whole family - younger sister, myself (middle) and parents.  In looking back dad was naive...he just put him in the holiday home and hoped things would improve!  My parents lost their business and Golden Boy was VERY resentful - the money tree had gone!!  Although dad continued spoiling and helping him and he continued breaking my parents' hearts.  He has since then (almost 20 years!) been living off welfare and also off my parents...well, now parent.

He has never cared for anyone else including his own son, who has been in care for 6 years. 

He and his wife have smashed up "their" home - furniture, windows and central heating, neglected it (there were rats and debris heaped in the garden), and today they were at our house having to use our phone!

They became verbally abusive and I called the police.

Police came round after they had left, but soon returned and found a police officer at the door telling them they are not allowed in.

I feel sickened that this is my own flesh and blood but what am I to do?  In the past brother and his wife have death-threatened my parents and myself...and now they are telling lies and slandering my character..which is stupid since the police can see through it.

I am genuinely afraid for my mother and myself (once we discovered a smoldering newspaper lit amongst the wood pile beneath the window).  I am going to tell friends about this in case something happens.

Mother can't financially keep him in that house anyway and naturally we are afraid of further problems when it has to be sold.  It seems that my brother and his wife are targetting me for all their woes.  Very frightening!

Logically will have to keep police informed...

26 April 2010




i have an answer, but the questions never asked - bradley - Apr 21st 2010

my mother is suicidle and bipolar,and very depressed i live with her, she chose not to live with my dad or the other way around, my mother always puts my dad down and the only thing hes done bad since ive been alive is smoke pot hes very depressed and has a very hard life, but my mother always puts him down to me, i feel its not right i love my dad and she makes me feel its bad, shes very belitling and uses me as her scapgoat, she always calls me curse words and puts me down, she took my door off cuz ive slamed it a couple times, so now that my doors off i here every word she says about me to my brother and it still hurts, i cant live with mydad cuz he smokes pot and if he did get custidy shed call the cops and tell them about his use and hed be in jail. my mother is suicidle and i have adhd i take pills but for her problems she does nothing. i asked to leave live with my grandma, not because my mom punishes me my grandma would to i have reat grade and have no record but she caught me smoking pot, i tried it and so did she when she was a little older then me im not active in drugs but she wont let me take a drug test to prove it. every time i stand up to her about calling me names and stuff she puts me down and mimics me and adds a hole bunch of crap, etc. oh hey got called a bitch boo hoo o u pore thing im srry, and well the shoe fits and tons of crap i cant stand it, but writing or typing it releases my anger and im in counsleing but the kind were shes there i cant talk with her there she always says crap like, oh hes just saying that cuz ur here and other crap. can i get out of the house cuz this is serous theres more crap to

First Memories - If Only I Were Brave Enough - Apr 19th 2010

One of my first memories is probably best encapsulated by this poem...


What Did I Know?


I was in my room

With all my toys

What did I know

About girls and boys?

I loved my mum

I loved my dad

What did I know

About being bad?

I was only three

Maybe four

When my brother opened

My bedroom door

He said he had

A game to play

What did I know

About playing that way?

He got me naked

On mum and dad’s bed

What did I know

About being misled?

His fingers touched

My private parts

What did I know

About broken hearts?

My mother caught us

Smacked my bum

What did I know

About what would come?


It's my own work and it's about what happened to me when I was barely out of nappies.  The abuse continued for five years until I told my aunt what had happened.

abuse - Daiva - Apr 19th 2010

I am in my 20's and I lived most of my life with abuse...

My history is too long and in depth to explain in just one comment, but i will address the most important aspects of the abuse I experienced.

My mother is mentally unstable, and had abused my brother, my sister and me since we were babies.  She beat us and verbally attacked us.  she told me on more than one occassion "I wish I had an abortion, instead of having you" and "I f**** hate you, go f*** yourself!"....

She dated physically and mentally abusive men throughout our whole childhood, who not only abused her but abused us as well.  she never blamed them for the abuse, but she blamed us and herself. 

My dad remarried, and his wife does everything in her power to keep him from having a close relationship with his children from his first marriage.  she has convinced him that she should be more important than his children and that we (his three kids) don't deserve to come to his house or deserve any of his time.  Furthermore, all my father does is tell me that I am not doing enough or i'm not good enough of a person.  His extended family is just as judgemental as he is.

I suffered from OCD, depression, anxiety, disassociation and thoughts of suicide for the first 19 years of my life.  i had fights with everyone i knew, i never did well in school, i quit everything i ever started and i had no goals or ambitions in life.   i hated everything and everybody, most of all myself...until one day I decided i wanted to take control of my life.  i said "I'm going to either self-destruct or i am going to actually try to work through this...."

six years later i am licensed in a skill, i have a BA from a university, i work and i plan on writing my first book of poetry soon.  i plan to travel the world and get a graduate degree.

i am not perfect and I still struggle in my life.  i spent so many years fighting to reverse the abuse and craziness I had been taught since I was a little girl.  i had to teach myself how to embrace love and to stay away from chaos.  I had to work through my OCD, depression, anxiety etc.  I still get anxious and depressed from time to time, but i work through it and it isn't nearly as bad as it was when i was growing up.  I never took medication either, not that i am opposed to meds-i just knew i could get through it on my own.  I had very little support from my fam. except for a few people....

Life is what you make it.  Life isn't easy and life isn't fair.  I still hurt and feel the pain from the things i have experienced....but I try to love myself and to live the best way i know how.  i try to be a good person and always have control over my life and my behavior.

Be strong, and never, ever give up....your life is too precious!

very serious - - Apr 14th 2010

hi abuse is very very serrious you need to get it tookin care of . abuse is not the life style yu want to have trust me abuse is very serious get it tookin care of good luck sencerly me!!!!


should i go? - eden girl - Apr 12th 2010

I have been in a marriage for 9 yrs dated 4 before that.I use to feel special not anymore.My husband's family never let me and my son in and made us feel like we were not family.His exwife is still in the picture and his daughter acts like i'm invisible.They have put me down behind my back since we got married I guess they are jealous.My husband is raising my son like he is his,he goes to the ball games and does things with him. So his daughter gets pregnant 16 or 17 yrs old.and has a son now they push him on us all the time .( the old saying blood is thicker than water).There is no love lost between me and his family.I tried so hard to be apart of the family but they can't let go of the exwife.She still comes around on holidays,my husband lied to me about her coming in 2008 .I just stop going because you know when you are wanted and when your not!May of 2009 my husband lefted me and my son sitting in a restuarunt on his moms birthday .We went in one restuarunt and waited then he calls at 7:15 and ask where we were and i told him which was maybe 4mins up the road he had never went in the place that they where at they were outside waiting,so I thought they would come on up and they didn't just let us wait it upset my sons stomach and mine. I took her gift down to where they were eating and dropped it of my husband just giggled a little.So we came home he didn't come home until 10:15pm he went to see his friend.When he came in my 13yr old said you done my mama wrong!He told him that it would not have took him 5 mins. to get to where we where eating since i was already inside with menu's and tea!We didn't speak for two weeks then he gave a so so sorry.He knows I have aniexty and pannic attacks .We get that some what ok then he get s pissed because his moms has something to say about me going to a bar with my mom to my cousins graduation thinks he just sits at home which is far from the truth.We were doing ok until his mother had something else to say about that. He called to the house, I told him that I had already talked to his mom and i told her that my son and I didn't feel like part of the family and we hadn't for a long time due to his exwife. She said she would feel the same way  if she were me. I understand their friendship but its a time for it not during the holidays thats family time and the ex is a ex!I"m on Disablity and get a check for me and my son I pay for everything we need I don't ask my husband for anything. He does pay for my car insur.because our cars are on one policy.I pay my car payment and all our needs for me and my son.I also buy things we need at the house for cleaning and food.I put alot of money into the house from my disabilty back pay.He tells me we are broke all the time but i seen him spend alot on his cars and his daughters house.I have ask for two years for somethings for the house that my name is not even on but we are brokehe says.He went out and spent two thousand on her house. I haven't slept with him since he lefted me in the resturant ,didn't speak to me for two weeks and then called me a F..king BITCH!Then I found comdoms in his car which he lied about !THen he went out and have bought some more things and hide them What kind of love is this ?So much more i could say!!!!

This Is My Story - Ashley - Apr 12th 2010

I am 17 years old. I have ten months until I turn 18. Im waiting for the day that I finally get out of the mental and physical abuse that my parents have caused me. My father says that im a screw up. Ill never amount to anything. He dogs my boyfriend and tells me that hes never going to be there for me. Like my father has room to talk. Hes never been there for me. About a year ago... I ran away from home. My dad had hit me the night before and left a welt and bruise across my face. The cops said it was perfectly normal for him to lash out like that and diddnt take him to jail but they made me come home. Of course... I was sheltered and was grounded for the next month or so. I also dont get along with my mother. She loves to call me a B****. Its almost like it has became her favorite word. She loves punishing me too. Almost like she gets some sick pleasure from it. My mom and dad got into an arguement one night. My dad told her that she needed to pick between me or her... That cold hearted mother of mine said for me.. to leave. Now I cant say that I dont believe it. She wants me enmancipated so bad she can taste it. How does one live in a home to be called names everyday, shoved, smacked across the face, left with bruises, and STILL go to school, make good grades, and be a great teen? I come home to an arguement everynight. I will show them someday. Ill marry the love of my life, go to college, have a family and be happy without them.  I just wish there was something I could do but im reaching out to everyone for a helping hand. Just for ONE person to help... But no one is listening. I dont know if I can take another Arguement. Before anyone even helps... It will be too late. 

Males - April 6, 2010 - Stefanie - Apr 6th 2010

You know how everyone's first memory is always really good? Like visiting a grandmother's house, or playing with the family dog. My earliest memory is when I was five. My older brother, who was 13 or 14, locked me in the bathroom with him and asked me to suck his...thing. I barely thought about it until my sister brought it up a couple of months ago. Apparently, I ran away and told my mom, who didn't believe me. My sister laughed and said that I would do anything to stay out of trouble(being five, I wasn't allowed to be in a locked bathroom by myself, which they thought I was). Since then, my brother has been molesting me. I'm 16 years old now, about to be 17.

My family moved from Germany to the United States(Texas) almost 6 years ago. I had just turned 11. I have three older brothers, one I've I'll ready talked about. The other two worked together almost perfectly. The older one(younger than the first) started beating me before we moved. Just for a few months. My parents thought it was just siblings fighting. And it might have been. I don't remember how any of it started. The younger brother started beating me soon after the other stopped. He did it for three years, all throughout my middle school years. It escalated in 8th grade. He was a year older than me and I think the pressure of high school was getting to him. He hasn't beaten me in months, but whenever we argue he hits the wall or threatens to hit me. He's beaten me so many times that I don't feel it anymore. I also don't ever bruise. Unlike my eldest brother, my family and some of my friends know about what my brothers did to me, what they still do if they get angry enough.

My dad's actions took me years to figure out, and only because they got way worse. He went to Iraq for about a year(he was in the air force) and when he came back he was about ten times worse. I don't know if its because I lived without it for a year or if Iraq just made it worse. Maybe both. He calls me fat and tells me I need to diet and exercise more(I'm 5'7 and 130lbs). He tells me I'm slow during the Cross Country and Track seasons. He tells me that I'm stupid whenever my grades get brought up in conversation. If I confront him about it he says that he's just joking and that I'm overreacting. I've told him how much it bothers me, but he continues to "joke" anyway. The only "positive" things he's ever said to me always make me extremely uncomfortable and are unwelcome. "That shirt make it look like you have a flat stomach." "Those pants make your butt look way bigger." When I became a vegetarian when I was 14(which actually stopped me from having suicidal thoughts for a few months), he called it a "phase" and that I would get over it. I'm still a vegetarian almost three years later and he still doesn't support me. He even once told me that I should eat the grass outside since I clearly want to be a cow.

Every male friend I've ever had has told me that they loved me. Not liked, but loved. I can recall five off the top of my head. The only problem(well, there are a few, but this is the main one) is that they don't know me. At all. And I'm to blame for that. I don't trust people easily and I don't like spending time with people I don't trust. Their lack of knowledge of who I am leads me to believe that they're not in love with me, but what I look like. I'm not exactly confident in the way I look, but I know that I'm not ugly either. I've never told anyone this how I feel about my "friends." I already know someone is going to tell me that I'm overreacting and that they're just teenage boys, don't think so hard about it. And I didn't, the first few times it happened. Now, I just feel like the only way a boy would like me is by the way I look. That I'm not worth the time for someone to get to know me.

I mentioned earlier that I've thought about suicide. And I have. For that past three years. Not straight, like I said, there were a few months that I was happy. I realized that the only reason I've never tried or prepared for it is because theres a chance that I might fail. If there was a for sure way I could do it, I would. Without a doubt in my mind, I know I would.



eight years of torture - Ducky - Mar 27th 2010

when i was 8 years old my mom remarried. we were all happy, my stepdad seemed like a good guy and he treated me and my twin brother well...just a few months after my mom and stepdad got married he started to change. he yelled at my mom and at my brother and me.

he forced me to eat food that i didnt like or when i was said i couldnt eat any more he (and my mom later on would do this), would take the fork of food and try to shove it in my mouth.he (a 200 something pound 6 foot tall man) would pin me down to give a spanking with a belt because i didnt eat all my dinner. he repeatedly picked me up and threw me on the floor to atttack me with the belt. then he changed to whatever he could get his hands on. he broke a wooden spoon over my hand because i wanted a glass of water.... my mother was never around and when she was she either participated and said it was my fault or took my stepdads side and believed him....

he pinned me to the ground one day when i was like 9 or 10. there was no one else in the house. he told me i had to kiss him in order for him to get off of me.... he still tries to hug me though i repeatedly tell him i dont want him near me. he has to approve of any swimsuit, well for that matter, any clothing i want to wear. do you know what it feels like to have a man look at you in a way that makes you feel like you want to puke?

there are so many other things that happened, but it would equal the length of a im only going to say a few major ones....

to sum up the after affects, i have the most wonderfl boyfriend. we have been dating for over a year. even though i am okay with him hugging me and stuff, sometimes i flinch and i see a look of hurt in his eyes. even now when someone starts to get angry or i see movement near me i flinch and move away. i am fearful of my own friends. 

i am fearful of my stepfathers heavy foot falls as he walks through the house... there have been so many months that i have cried myself to sleep because of all the pain; so i know what its like to go through this. he is starting to act like that again...(worse than before) i visibile shaked when he yelled at me and my mother just told me not to be so emotional.

he insults my real father, me, all my brothers, everyone i could possible love, he hates, he insults my clothes, hair, body figure even, he insults everything about me so when my boyfriend tells me im beautiful it makes me want to cry cuz i actually feel appreciated and loved which is something i cant even find in my own home. i have lived like this for over eight years. i still have at least two years till im out of high school...

i hate him with a passion. i cant wait to get out of here and start my own life. im going to work with my bf (who is slowly helping me get over my fears) and hopefully just put the last eight years of my life behind me and raise a family that is abuse free. as my boyfriend would say the future is what you make out of it so even though this may be or may have happened to you or someone you love, look forward in life positively. there was a time when i wanted to commit suicide. a few months after that i met my bf and i know we are going to last a long time together, so look ahead with hope cuz love will find you.


Lost and confused - Sky - Feb 23rd 2010

I have been married to my husband for 4 years now. First there was mental abuse only then shortly after there was physical. He would hit me and then turn around and tell me he didn't like hurting me that he doesn't mean to. As time went on the abuse had went away as he was in anger managment classes because he was dealing with him having been abused. Then he was no longer able to attend the classes because of work and I became pregnant. While I was pregnant it was constant emotional and psychological abuse. A lot of it was him telling me that I was stupid for crying when I would cry for no reason or that I was faking this or that pain or he just didn't listen when I would tell him something I was worried about. He had said to me at one point that if I wasn't pregnant he would kick my a$$ because I had taken a nap and woke up upset because his sister (we were living in his mother's livingroom) came in and put a bowel of hot dogs and ketchup in front of me. Hot dogs were a morning sickness trigger and at the time a migraine trigger as well. I have terrible migraines. He had also said many times I fake those. Then one day it was the 10th of december in 2006 he literally woke up and was normal. He was the man I wanted to be married to by this time we were in our own house. I was put on bed rest in my last trimester because I had a swollen pelvic bone joint. That's what the doc said. He was just fine at that time. Then as I started to discuss with him about my choices for the baby such as storing the imbilacle cord blood and breastfeeding he would give me every excuse as to why I shouldn't do those things. After I had the baby he always had her unless it interupted his game time. To me it felt like he didn't trust me with her. Then he told me he had cheated on me with his ex and I was already starting to go through potpartum phsychosis. See I have bipolar (I take lithium for it and I am doing fabulous on it). Everything came flooding in to my head. I had thought at the time I deserved the abuse because I thought I had done something wrong. He told me he treated me that way becaus ehe was trying to push me away. Why didn't he just leave me? Or heck even just told me then I would have left before I pushed every source that would allow that away from me because that is what I thought may have been putting so much strain on us. The last 2 and 1/2 years since my daughter was born I fought to find the right medication for my bipolar. He told me everytime I got on one that it was not working and that I needed to go get on a higher dose or a different medication. There have been many physical altercations during fights because I am one to tell someone strait up if I feel they have wronged me. When I bring it up I usually get told I am being stupid and get slepped or punched or choked or all three. A lot of the times he tells me that my desicions to do things to better my life such as putting my 2 year old in counciling to help her is rediculous that she is just a sponge and she will grow out of it. After a fight the next day he acts overly as if everything is ok. He acts bigger per say. He acts like it never happened. When I explain to him how broken I feel he tells me he is sorry he makes things so hard for me. That he doesn't mean to. As I had stated he has many issues with his past coming up but I don't think I should have to be punished for the horrible things his ex did to him. Nor should my daughter hear the words he says to me. After a fight I always feel unworthy and like I did something wrong but at the same time I have no idea what I could have done wrong. He always tells me he can never talk to me that I am never there for him. How can I be there for him when I can't? He always wants me to treat him with love and respect and after a fight he is very sexually attracted to me and that feels wrong. We have weeks months where he is not abusive at all and everything is fabulous but then something someone said or did that brought up his past triggers his abusive side and it all comes tumbling down. I have told him to stop talking to his ex's mother and he says that he has to because he has to keep tabs on his ex wife. They have a daughter together but the daughter is living with a relative on teh otherside of teh country and is being adopted by them. The poor sweet girl. I love her so much. She has been shaken by her real mother, she was neglected, beaten, verbally abused, and starved. She has things that need to be taken care of that can only be taken care of where she is. She lives in kentucky neer a children's hospital that helps her and the relative that is adopting her has 2 other special needs daughters of her own and is an emt, rn, and is now working on a degree in socialogy. I would give her my own daughter if it came to that ever. Her and I are very good friends and we talk very often. I get many updates about the daughter and she is doing very well with her. I am glad that she is with her because if she would have come to be with us in the mindset I was in because of the abuse I would have had no idea what I would have needed to do for her to help her and she would have ended up in another abusive home. It may have been secondary abuse but still. I am going to put my daughter in counciling and I am going to seek counciling about abuse. I am already in counciling for my bipolar. I have been for many years now. I was diagnosed when I was 15 and I am now 24. I know the routine with that well lol. I would feel like a fool to just up and leave tonight in the middle of the night considering there really was no fight tonight but it was last night. I am unsure what to do.  

Its hard to see it all... - - Feb 8th 2010

I wantch my mum be abused, since she got with my step dad, he looked after me from 4 months old... BUT THEN HE CHANGED . i saw my mum get beaten every day. she  was knocked out! thrown down stairs while pregnant with my sister. my mum had 3 children with this man.. the man i called my dad as he was the closest thing i had around.

It was hard to see it for 9 years, but she put up with it for that long to protect her children. I love her for all she done for us, but i would have taken a beating to protect her for once .... but at my age i was so young and looking after my sisters mosts days while my mum kept him happy.

You dont hav to be the abused to be affected, i have constant nightmares of him coming back and hurting us again.

i remember mum sayin that he brused me as a baby when he smnacked me on the bum for crying and all he cud say was ' she wouldnt shut up' what kinds words for a father i said.

Just dont put up with, it dont matter if it is you or someone in your family you love or even a friend. protect them the way i should have protected my mum.

we got out safe apart from 1 of my sisters.. she was kept hostage for 9 days and after couldnt remember who i was. but we are all fine and happy again. like a propper family ....

You could have that too . dont stand for it report it. xxxx

Is my Mom abusive - Christa - Jan 29th 2010

  I'm 47 years old and live on my own.  My Mom think I'm incapabile and I don't know anything.  She once  physically abuse me.  In addition she put me down by commentiong how I should dress, comb my hair, brush my teeth, lose weight and stop smoking and drinking sodas. 

  We  were talking and got into an argument and and I said "you think I'm stupid?"  My Mom respond is "yes" and I hung up on here I didn't talk to her a few days.  We always butt heads and she interrupt when I'm trying to explain something like my opinion, or what I want to say.  

  Yes I'm handicap (hearing impaired) but she think I can't do anything and do all the talking and I've tried or asked her to come to session with me but she think "everything is fine" and I'm the one who need the help.  I think she need the help more then I do. 

  My Mom also make comments or remark what I say.  Once I said after going to a resturant to drop me off at Good Sam.  Her friend said "why I want to go there"  My Mom said where they have the psych ward and put here finger to her head like I'm crazy and said "I need to go to the pysch ward.  That is very embarrassing that she said that.  what kind of abuse is this?  I would like some feedback please.    

My boyfriend - - Jan 13th 2010

As i read all these comments , it get me back thinking  what has happend to me just over a year ago.

My name is Samantha and im 16 years old. just after i turned 14 i got kicked out of my house because my step dad  sexualy abused me and i told my mom and she said i was lieing so she kicked me out, so i went and lived with my older brothers ex room mate, hes was the nicest guy i ever met  i went to school  , and then i started hanging out with a different group then normal , from there i met this guy  Andrew  yes he was older then me at the age of 17 , he made my world , i fell in love with him we made plans and everything, a  few months in our Relationship  we found out i was pregnant, when i told him he was so happy,  then 4 months  in he changed and got very abuseive. and that broke my heart he  not only emotional , verbally, and mentally  abused me  he Phyisical  abuse me  he slap me and punch me ,  saying  that i wasnt aloud to sleep until his house was clean , after all it was only a mess   every night since he had parties as soon as he gets home from work, so around 1 am id be up cleaning and have to be  relly quite while doing it , while he sleeps.. i had to drop out of school because he didnt liek me talking to other people. 

 when i was 5 months in my pregnantsy he pushed me down  then step and  i lose my baby , i was  very shocked about that  and very sad ,  after that i tryed to stay out of his way , but it never seemd to work, id do everything around the house make it all perfect so he would have nothing to bicker about,,  when he had parties i stay in  the bed room , and one night his friend came in and saw me sitting there asked why i wasnt out there and  i said beause i didnt feel like it , but he keep saying no lets go  he took my hand  and i got up and went out with him , my boyfriend saw me and  got very angery  he came running at us , grabed my arm and took me back to the bedroom , from there i  was yelled at and  slaped around..   then after  a half hour of that, he gave up , and i lyed there on the ground and  prayed to god  , hopeing he would help me , and get me out of there.. i just wanted to go back home and have a normal teen age life.. i missed my parents so bad..  a few hours later . i heard  that every one was gone or asleep. so i got up and cleaned rigth away befor my boyfriend woke up .. then when he got up  i got yelled at for my self being a mess.  but he lefted it alone and went to work . so i cleaned my self up and went to bed.. after 7  more months of all that ,  he lost his job, and said it was my fault that i couldnt give him every thign he wanted.

 A month later while he was out looking for a job i was cleaning and  i knocked over this box and i looked inside it was a lot of letters  332 to count  they were from  my mom  begging me to come home , saying she was sorry she didnt belive me , she found out the truth from my younger sister.  that every thign i said about my step dad was true. reading all thoes letters , made me cry  i  ran around the hosue looking for all my stuff,  i packed my bags and  went down the street to use the phone i called my  mom and told her i was sorry for not answering her letters ,, and she told me that she would come get me after work.. by that time it was 8 pm and i knew i had to get back to the house..  so i ran back and    hid all my stuff out in the bushes..  my boyfriend came home a hour later and  that night he was very mad,, he yelled at me nd blamed me for everythign told me im stupid and worthless, i had no point in liveing, and i said something for the first time to him , i said  im im  stupid and worthless then why are you keeping me around,  he told me  a few mins after that ,  that he only does cause he needs something to love, and  again i said you call this love , im like a slave to you, you hurt me baby so bad i dont think i can take it so i told him im goign home , and when these words got in his head, he went on a ram page,  breaking things  and blocking all the doors saying i couldnt leave him,,  that im his girl.  then i heard a car in the driveway ,, i tryed runnnign to the door,  but he grabed me and pind me to the floor, i screamd and my other brother and his  roommate broke down the door and got me,,  his roommate picked me up and took me to the truck, while my brother and my boyfriend  went at a yellign match..  when i got in the truck i knew i was safe and  i prayed to god thanking him for saveing me.  when my brother ran out and got in the truck  and started  pulling away  i looked back and  peeked my head out the window  and saw andrew running out , and he yelled im sorry i love you samantha, and i yelled back in tears saying im sorry you did this but its time for me to live my life.

.  so after a year of being abused,, i keep sayign that maybe andrew was right maybe im stupid and worthless, and i dont have a point in liveing . but  8 months of that  happending , i am now  a  strong young  girl who is now  back in school and everyday i say to my self i desver better then what i had  and im going to make  my dreams come true.  nothign will stop me ,  i have a loveing new boyfriend and we have been dating 5 months now,  and still going strong. he treats me like a queen , and  makes me feel loved .. so i know he loves me and will never hurt me..  but to all of you  young and older woman and men who  have been abused  just remember you  have a reason  to be liveing and  you are worth way more then what people say you are,   no matter what you guys desver better and that you are loved,  your strong and can do anything you put your mind to,, so stay strong and if somethign is wrong  speck up get help .. it will make things better.  and to all who wants to know how im doing now. im great   im almost done high school and  planing to be a child serives  worker. that way i can help children who need it.


ive been there - lindsay veillon from TX - Jan 7th 2010

i am 17 yrs old i have been in CPS since i was 1 yrs old. my mom was abusive and crazy. she tried to kill us and sell us to people for drugs. if i wont of been taken i would probably be dead. if you are being abused leave its not worth staying they say they will change but its not true. i age out of CPS in 3 months and i have been in and out of families but i rather that than be dead on the side of the street somewhere. dont wait for someone to say something for u do it urself. i didnt say anything when i live with my adopted parents and now i live with years of trauma. and will probably be on meds for the rest of my life to control my anger and depression my point is dont wait its not worth the results i promise you. and the longer u stay the longer it takes to heal from it. so be smart and do whats best for you.

verbal abuse ? - Dee - Dec 17th 2009

Is it abuse for a police officer to call a 16 yr. old dumb ass, stupid, and ignorant?  

I know how its feels - Sam - Dec 3rd 2009

I ask myself everyday why would GOD put us in these type of positions; but never got an answer i have an ok family with normal family problems but sometimes i dont understand them.

My Father in in the Army, it's his life; it's what he's good at doing, but at times when he comes home he don't ever treat me like his daughter he treats me like one of his soldiers he talks to me like im one too he tell me constantly that im getting to fat and that i need to lose weight:( It kills me inside to hear my daddy say that too me all i ever wanted to do was be daddy's lil girl but the way he talks to me hurts.  

I also have friends that i've known for a long, long time and i know they been sexually abused, pyhsically abused by their parents and when i spend time with them they hurt them infront of me and they don't CARE so i did the only thing i could at the time was fight for them and that WHAt i did i jump on his fathers back and started hitting him in the face constantly again and again until he threw me off of him. FRIENDS MEAN ALOT TOO ME AND I WISH AND PRAY THAT ABUSE OF ANY TYPE WILL FLIPPIN! STOP!  

To: tryingsohard - rkyobo - Nov 28th 2009

Sweetheart, you just need to contact social services and tell them you need some parenting classes that will help you to know the best way to deal with situations with your children.  I'm a christian psychologist who works as a domestic violence counselor.  Many people who were abused as children themselves are high risk to be abusive with their own children since that is what they have learned.  You only need to learn parenting skills.  You will be amazed at the help you can receive.  You don't even have to tell them that you are worried that you may become abusive - just tell them that you are having problems knowing the right way to discipline your children and to make them obey you.  There are also some excellent books that can help you as well.  One is called "Go To Your Room!: Consequences That Teach" by Shari Steelsmith.  Raising children is tough!  But there is help out there for you.  Do you have a church you attend regularly?  Getting yourself and your children in a good Sunday School is also very helpful.  A strong support group is very important in child-rearing.  God bless!

Dear freshman in college - Stephanie - Nov 16th 2009

The first thing you need to do is, find another place to stay. As far as paying for college, look into financial aids and see what you can do to help yourself pay for college. The way you are living is not acceptable! You do not deserve to be treated like crap! I know that it's difficult to get out of the situation, but try your best. See if you can stay with a friend, or another relative, someone that you can trust. I don't know if you have a job, but if you don't then try to get one to help pay for college, and definitly look into financial aids. You can get out of this situation, I have faith in you! God bless!


What can I do? - - Nov 10th 2009

I'm an 18 year old female, a freshman in college. 

Ever since I was about 12, my dad has always physically or verbally abused me. He constantly hits me, usually on the back of my head, resulting in horrible headaches. He calls me a b****, a bast***, tells me to go to f****** hell, and tells me I'm useless and worthless. He threatens me, and tells me he'll stop paying for my college education and kick me out of the house.

He's thrown books at me, pencils, whatever small object he can get his hands on. 

It's hard for me to tell my mom these things, because my dad will find a way to turn the situation around and blame it on me. 

Some days I'm so depressed, and want to end everything. 

What can I do?

tammy - clarissa - Nov 8th 2009

OMG Tammy!!

First off, know that you are a beautiful person who deserves better. You have spent more than half of your life being abused. You are a individual who is worth  loving. There is someone who will do just that. As a parent, you have children that you have to show that this is not okay. To live like this and let this go on only confuses them as to how things should be. Don't let you or your kids suffer a day longer. Tammy, from the pit of my heart, I hope that you get help. To endure this agony-know that you are a strong ass woman. I really hope realize your abilities. Tammy, you are able to overcome this darkness that has hendered you for so many years. Don't cry another night. I wish you the best!!! Know that you are Loved.

please help im confused - tammy b - Nov 4th 2009

hi my name is tammy... i grow up in a disfuncinal family were my dad would come home from the bars and pull out his gun and we would all hide. my mom had 9 kids thay would put me down all the time. when i got 14 my mom said she did not want me and sent me to my sisters place to live she had this boy friend that would try to sleep with me i would tell her she would say deal with it i ended up sleeping with him to get away from my family we moved in with each other he woul hit me all the time we were to geather for 10 years. he would do things you would not even imagin he would bring home women to sleep with i would wake up and catch him and i would allways forgive him. we moved to a difrent county he ended up moving in with some one. so i started to go to counseling and met a security gaurd. we ended up to geather my ex took me to court and took our 3 kids he had a criminal recourd but becouse i didnt work the judge gave them to him. he could make a prist beleave him any way i got married to don we have 3 kids togeather i have 6 all to geather he puts me down i went back to school and be came a c-n-a i can not keep a job i get anziety real bad he calls me a leach i have to beg if i want monney he has slept out on me a couple of time every thing that gos wrong is allways my fault i dont even keep my self up any more he makes fun of me and my kids laugh to boy that hurts so bad my older 3 kids hate me becouse there dad died and thay blaim every thing on me when i was wth my first husban he would do and sell drugs well after i had my firs son these people came to our house and hit me in the head with a gun and told my husban when you pay us we will bring your wife and month old baby back me and my son were in a trunck for 4 hours untill my husban came up with the monney im 43 years old this happend when i was 19 my first husban died and i have been with don for 15 years he tells me for me watching my 3 kids now its for my room and borde i never went to high school i have no self esteam i feel traped if i get a job i have no car and no child care tammy   

is this abuse - sade j - Oct 30th 2009

is it abuse if a man has sexual intercourse by mutual consent with a women with alzheimers disease?

Dr. Dombeck's Note: At issue here is whether the woman's dementia had rendered her incapable of making responsible adult decisions.  This is a practical, ethical and legal question.  It would be useful to speak with the woman's physician (who might know something) and/or neuropsychologist (who would know something) to get a better handle on how far along she is.  Past a certain point of brain damage from the illness, she would likely be incapable of giving consent, and that is where the issue of abuse would enter. It's considered abusive when a pedophile has sex with a young child even if that young child has "consented" to that action, precisely because in the eyes of the law and society, young children are incapable of giving real consent.  Your situation is similar in nature.

! - - Oct 20th 2009

i  been there

Response to Is This Abuse, September 28, 2009 - - Oct 18th 2009

I hope that my comment will reach you.  I know it has been about a month since you wrote, but I just came across your concerns today.  I am so sorry about your experience.  I recently removed myself from an abusive situation.  I can empathize with you and want to provide some advice.  First, I would stop listening to what your husband says about him getting the children.  I would also start to educate myself.  Read books about abuse to learn how to deal with it.  If you can, meet with an attorney, ask what your rights are if you were to pursue a divorce.  Abusers do not change, and my friend you are being abused on many levels. I know he hasn't hit you,  yet, but there are many other types of abuse and you are experiencing them.  I can also assure you, unless he does get professional help he will hit you. 

I would give you a word of caution for the professional help.  A couple of things must be present before I would even consider going to counseling with him.  First, he must take responsibility for the problem and not place any blame on you.  Because the problem is ALL his.  Second, you need to go to a counselor who is educated when it comes to abuse and wants to make you a part of the process...meaning:  they will be in contact with you to get your experience, but will not necessarily expect you to be in the sessions.  If these things are not in place, I would not go to counseling with him because it will give him more ammunition against you. 

I feel like there are so many things to say to you, but I don't want to overwhelm you with info.  I just hope that you pursue a way to get yourself in a  healthier situation...because it is no way for you and your children to live.  And it is not what you want your children to accept as "normal." 

Books to read:

Why Does He do that?  Inside the miinds of Angry and controlling Men. 

The Verbally Abusive relationship:  how to Identify it and How to respond. 

contact your battered women's shelter...figure out your rights as a mom.  I can't say that enough.  GET OUT.  Best of luck to you. 

to the "concerned mom" - - Oct 9th 2009

If I were in that situation, I would've had patience up until the point that the girlfriend interfered with my child's health.

Honestly, there are two advice methods I have for you.

1) go to the store and buy a louisville slugger and beat that b***'s head in. nobody would mess with my kids. shes straight up askin for it.

2)the legal method would be to start documenting it and possibly recording your daughter when she says these things. Then i would file for sole custody on the grounds that the situation with her father is unhealthy and she is being neglected and abused. the recordings would be directly from your daughter and the court should honor that.

Good luck.


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