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Mark Gorkin, LICSWMark Gorkin, LICSW
A Blog about reducing Stress in our lives.

Anthrax Scare

Mark Gorkin, LICSW Updated: Oct 26th 2001

As many of you know, I'm a big follower of Charlie Chaplin, a genius who surely would have found inspiration in these harrowing times. As Chaplin observed: The paradoxical thing about making comedy is that it's precisely the tragic which arouses the funny...We have to laugh due to our helplessness in the face of natural [or terroristic] forces and in order not to go crazy. Well, what you are about to read may give new meaning to the word, "tragic," and as for me not going's way to late for that!

So let me give you fair warning....

(This lyric may be hazardous to the ironically-impaired!)

Anthrax Scare

by Mark Gorkin

"The Stress Doc" (TM)

Opening a letter

Breathing in the air

Gets you a purple heart

In this anthrax scare.

Hey, a little white powder

Was always such fun, ah

For the safe daze of coke

And a hit of heroin.

The answer is simple

Become really vice free

Pull the damn plug

On news addict TV.

So what's all the worry

About this anthrax?

Hey, just go legal

Start pumping that Prozac.

The existential question

Well, it used to be:

Enhancement and a nose job

Before I'm thirty-three?

Blow off the competition

Forget that aqualine bob

Just be first in line

For that dicey nasal swab.

The answer is simple

For avoiding misery

Go out and find

Even worse off company.

So what's all the worry

About this Anthrax?

There's never been a shortage of


And let's not forget

Those post office folks.

For so many years

The butt of our jokes.

Still, there's a silver lining

When handling mail is hell...

Now all are excused

For going postal!

The answer is simple

Just live virtually

Always on cyber-guard

With your McAfee.

I'll start to worry

About this Anthrax

When attached in an email

Or sent in a FAX.

Who's the dark, swarthy guy

With cold steely eyes?

Is an al Quaeda man

Selling me those fries?

If spores and greasy oil

Can be mixed and poured

Now we're talking McTerror

And billions will be served.

The answer is quite simple

Doesn't take a third degree

Someone looking different

Assume they are guilty.

So what's all the worry

About this Anthrax?

We've bloated half the world

With our Big Mac Attacks.

So stock up on the Cipro

Make a fortress of your flat

Get the latest model gas mask

Absolutely STAT

For those that really matter...

Just you and your cat!

(c) Mark Gorkin 2001

Shrink Rap (TM) Productions

Some words, hopefully, to help us all...Practice Safe Stress!

Mark Gorkin, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, is an internationally recognized speaker and syndicated writer on stress, anger management, reorganizational change, team building and HUMOR! The Doc was recently featured on CBS TV's Newspath segment -- Workplace Violence -- and in Biography Magazine. He is America Online's "Online Psychohumorist" ™ leading a weekly chat group for AOL/Digital City -- . Check out his USA Today Online "HotSite" - Stress Doc homepage. For more info, email or call 202-232-8662.

Mark Gorkin, LCSW (

Mark Gorkin, the Stress Doc , acclaimed Keynote and Kickoff Speaker, Webinar Presenter, Retreat Leader and Motivational Humorist, is the author of Practice Safe Stress and The Four Faces of Anger. A former Stress & Violence Prevention consultant for the US Postal Service, the Doc leads highly interactive, innovative and inspiring programs for corporations and government agencies, including the US Military, on stress resiliency/burnout prevention through humor, change and conflict management, generational communication, and 3 "R" -- Responsible, Resilient & Risk-Taking -- leadership-partnership team building. Email for his popular free newsletter & info on speaking programs. Check out his popular website -- -- called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR). Stress Doc Mantra: "Think out of the box, perform outside the curve (the Bell Curve) and be out-rage-ous!"

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