- Shame and Avoidant Personality Disorder
Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D.: Apr 21st 2016
- Compassion vs. Empathy
Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D.: Feb 17th 2014
- Can You Really Multitask?
Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D.: Feb 11th 2014
- Toxic Families Who Scapegoat
Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D.: Jan 27th 2014
- Parenting, Spanking and Later Aggression
Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D.: Jan 15th 2014
- Some Thoughts About Birthdays and Mindfulness
Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D.: Jan 8th 2014
- Is The Therapist Ever A Patient?
Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D.: Jan 3rd 2014
- Namaste, Greetings, Relationships and New Year Resolutions
Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D.: Dec 31st 2013
- Holidays and Family Conflict
Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D.: Dec 27th 2013
- It's A Matter of Faith: Mental Health and the Holidays
Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D.: Dec 23rd 2013
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Why Do Women Become Prostitutes and Why Do Men Go To Them?
Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D.: Tue, Apr 12th 2011
This essay is a follow up to one that was posted on December 6, 2008, titled, "Why Do Men Go To Prostitutes?
It can be found at this URL:
The answers to these questions are many and complex. The complexity is embedded in the dangers of being simplistic, making generalizations, being judgmental, and falling prey to stereotyping.
The most common stereotype of prostitutes is that they are all street walkers, drug addicted, controlled by pimps, and willing to accept a few dollars for their services.
In reality, this "oldest profession" falls into several categories. Yes, there are the street walkers whose lives are awful. However, there are also those women who provide sexual favors in massage parlors, small hotels and out of their own apartments. At the end of the spectrum are those women who are escorts or professional sex workers. Often, they work for themselves and charge sums of money that can run into thousands of dollars for a night out. Sometimes their clients are politicians, sports figures, and Hollywood movie stars.
There are many reasons for women becoming sex workers and escorts. Some of these women have stated that they are attracted by the large sums of money they can earn while they are still young. Others see it as a way to pay for university education and further advancement. Most state that they intend to leave the business once they have earned the amount they want or need. They also see themselves as helping men save their marriages by supplying something they cannot get at home, or helping them chase away loneliness when they are on business trips.
At the other end of the spectrum of prostitution are the street walkers. Most of them are addicted to drugs, and many were forced into prostitution against their will. Sex trafficking is an international, multi billion dollar business involving criminals who kidnap and enslave girls. Girls as young as ten-years of age are snatched from their countries and sold into prostitution far away from their native homes.
Again, it's important to avoid generalizing about how women get into prostitution. Studies show that large numbers of prostitutes were sexually abused during their childhood. It is the fact of the sexual abuse, more than anything else, that seems to underlay how and why some of them become prostitutes. These are the people most likely to be addicted to drugs as well as to develop, or already have, serious health problems, not the least of which is HIV as well as other STDs.
Finally, there are women who see prostitution as their way out of poverty. While they may choose to sell themselves, it is economic necessity that drives them. These are people who are unable to get jobs and are sometimes the only bread winners in the family.
Several men commented on the original article by saying that all of the reasons for paying for sex were not listed. Among the motivating factors for them were: 1. Believing they are ugly and unable to have sex without paying for it, 2. Wanting sex but without all of emotional involvement that comes with a girlfriend, marriage and family; wanting casual sex with no obligations attached, 3. Being convinced that their genitalia is too small and that any average woman would laugh at and reject them, 4. Working long, hard hours leaving no time for dating and romance. These are only a few of the reasons given.
From my perspective, the major concern about these men is not so much that they pay for sex but that they seem blind to the plight of these women. They convince themselves that prostitution is a choice and that none of the women they see are exploited. In some cases, they might be right. A lot depends on where they go and who they see. In my opinion, it's a mistake to make any assumptions about the women they are visiting.
These are difficult issues that stir controversy. There are those who advocate legalizing and regulating the sex industry. There are others who are outraged by this for moral, or religious reasons.
For example, should a married man, for any reason, see a prostitute? Do you believe that it can help a marriage? Is a man who sees a prostitute being unfaithful?
You are encouraged to discuss your views, opinions, experiences, and opinions on this difficult issue.
Allan N. Schwartz, PhD
SAD COMMENTARY - WOWthisisSAD! - Mar 6th 2015
Wow, this is a sad commentary here, reading these men's ideas about why they go to prostitutes. You need some SERIOUS therapy if you think that's the answer to your problems. SERIOUSLY messed up childhood is my guess--no respect for yourself or others, and no understanding of what happiness and love really are, and how to find real love. SERIOUSLY sad. As a therapist, all I can say is, there may be hope for you if you want to change. Seek help through therapy and learn how to love yourself first.
Justice - Beth - Oct 31st 2014
I in all honesty question why we shame most prostitues and not the people that go to them, women and men are taking the job opportunity and easy cash ( as much a I personally believe to only do it with someone of whom you love). We shame the prostitues but they would not be do this proffesion if there was no one to pay them
Men and women who are married and go to prostitues without the consent of their partner are the most selfish and weakest people to be perfectly honest. They go behind the backs of their partner for plain sex with someone who there is no emotinal connection with and will forever destroy the relationship with there partner.
The worst ones are the ones who have no shame about it.
One point about what drives men to have sex with prostitutes - I_Like_Prostitutes - Oct 12th 2014
Sexual fantasy/fetish should be included as well.
Personally, I derive more pleasure from paying to have sex with a prositute, than I do from having casual sex or making love with someone else. The key in this is that I enjoy the fact, that I can pick any prostitute and the price to use her body has already been set.
I take great pleasure in picking a woman of my choice off a website (brothel or escort) or when the girls are lined up or paraded our in front of me at a brothel, or purely picking up the girls from the street. The pleasure is knowing that I can purchase this woman and have sex with her.
In many ways, what I do is the true objectification of women, as I treat them no different that other grocery in the grocery store.
I feel hunger, so I buy food. I feel the need for sex, so I buy a woman.
I may be a physcological deviant, but this is not different than any other fetish, and I know many others who share the same view as me.
FYI. I live in a western culture, I am of western decent, where prostitution is legal and regulated.
prostitution is honest. - - Sep 28th 2014
do not get me wrong. i feel sad for those who are forced into prostitution.
not so mutch for those who choose to be a prostitute to earn easy money. as the title says, if you visist a prostitute you know what you gona get, and what you give for that.absolutely honest. not going to happen with your wife/gf. you never know what to expect in the long run. a professional prostitute will do as the deal says, no more, and no less. and you pay for that , and no more and no less.
i see no problem with that.and,marrige/girlfriend relationship also can devastate people.how many have committed suicide /suffered for long periods from broken heart,how many was left with nothing at all after a divorce? if prostitutes require insurance, then every female does.
Illegal Please - - Sep 23rd 2014
Prostitution affects families. Families can be devastated in dealing with the emotional aftermath. Suicide of the clueless spouse is too high a price. The man himself suffers negative emotions and incurs expenses in years of seeing therapists, psychologists, etc.
It is easy to get into, it does untold damage and nothing is the same afterwards.
Prostitutes exploit men for the $$ they get, they are not in a romance. Prostitues are uncaring of the aftereffeccts so long as they get the $$ in hand. They are sociopaths, caring nothing about th social impact of their thievery.
If it were legalized (let's hope never), the prostitues should carry liability insurance to cover the costs associated with the injuries the injuries caused to men and their families.
Trivial.. - - Sep 12th 2014
just as posted by someone else, marrige equals slavery for man.
a grilfriend is way too expensive,and eventually WILL abuse the man.
visiting a prostitute is a logical decision.
classy ones while have a price are still cheap compared to a wife or a GF.
and a prostitute is HONEST.Will tell You what she wants, and what She will give. No less, no more. GF and Wife are not honest.You never know what You get and what will they take.
I ADVISE my 2 kids to visit prostitutes instead of ending up with a broken wallet, and more important a broken hearth.Who on earth did decide humans are monogam race,and where does marrige originates from? Religion. Fine.
Well i'm not religious, and see nothing wrong in prostitution.
I see evil in tyranny (forcing someone to do something against his/ her will.)
Includes a job,a relationship,prostitution, and everything.a wh*re who is self appointed to be a wh*re is not under tyranny. and there is nothing wrong with is. enforcing marrige, as the only "legal" way, or a GF, or monogamy, that is tyranny, and is EVIL.
More fake science and childishness from an industry built on such - anonymous - Aug 23rd 2014
From my time in the military to the many, many, years traveling for business, I have seen my share of prostitutes (probably 25 in 20 years).
If you fool yourself into thinking this is a complex question, fine, but the constant blather released into the world by people who treat this as some great mystery does more damage than a little pay for play ever did.
Here's the answer:
1. Why do women become prostitutes? Because they get paid, as a prostitute, if they are even marginally attractive and young, as much as an executive near the height of their profession. Anywhere from 200 - 400 an hour average. I have two degrees and 20 years of experience and am damn good at my job, work 7 days a week and I don't make 200 an hour.
Even your average trashy street walker is making more than most people with college degrees.
It's just money. They can make what most people make working all week in two hours without the dozens of people giving them shit, riding their back and treating them like dirt and to be honest, if they restrict their clientel to older men traveling on business, there's very little risk and they'll be treated well.
Jeez - so complex. Even the ones who are screwed up because they were abused aren't doing it for FREE.
2. Why do men go to prostitutes?
Because being a man sucks. Just try to pull your head out of your a*s and look at a man's options:
a. Get married. Legally, the moment the deed is done, everything you own and everything you ever earn, is really hers. Especially if you have kids. Divorce courts just give it to the wives and they strap a financial leash on every man like a dog. So - when men get married and figure that out, it puts a little bit of stress on them, especially if she knows and likes to remind him (and all women know what marriage really is). So for 200 dollars a guy who is basically a prisoner can be treated with some respect and kindness (possibly, not all prostitutes are good at their job. A lot of them just take the money, lay there and then kick you out).
b. Have a girlfriend. Eventually, she'll push you into getting married.
c. Pick up girls. Good luck with this after 30 and frankly, it's undignified. Who wants to be that 40 year old guy sitting in a hotel bar hitting on every woman that passes his way?
So, men call a girl, pay her and at the same price as an attorney for an hour, he gets some company, maybe some sex and she gets paid.
For men, there's some things you can do to improve your chances of a good sex life, but in the end, between work and all of your obligations, it's just easier to call a wh*re. And many them actually understand men far better than the average woman.
Double Standards ? - - Aug 10th 2014
Just to take this to a level which as far as I can see has not been mentioned. I am a married man have been married to the same woman for over 30 years, my wife for osme reason was always accusing me of seeing and sleeping with other women, even though I wasn't she still had this thing in her mind, I used to flirt with some of our female friends but never had a any reason to go any further as I was in love with my wife. A friend of mine invited me to a stag do where there were strippers present, at the time I sort of knew they would be there but hadn't given it any thought to mention it to my wife. My friend told my wife and she hit the roof, I later found out he fancied here and was trying to me me look bad so he might have a chance with her.
My wife who is an attractive woman even now, and who had a very good body then decided that she would become a kissagram, and then later a strippagram. she got into glamour modelling and pushed the boundary even further by making a porn film with 2 guys. I really didn't know what to do so went along with it all. She then decided she would do escorting which she did for about 3 years, seeing a couple of regulars, mainly going to hotels etc. It became unbearable for me so I told her it had to stop and it did. Our sex life during this time was ok, but obviously she kept what she did private never discussing with me what she was doing while visiting these guys.
The inevitable happened, I visited an escort, really to satisfy my curiosity, I didn't really want to go down this road, but was so shocked as to how easy my wife actually did this, to be honest I never thought she would go through with it, I wanted to know how an escort could just turn off from reality.
Later in our married life things were none too good, I visited another escort who I liked and we had a connection, we talked an awful lot about why she did what she did and a lot of it was due to circumstance and wanting to provide for her family. My wife found out and went mental at me, saying I had betrayed her trust. We are still together, just, but it is very difficult, I dont want to go into specifics about what happened between us, but she is insisting on knowing everything.
Prostitution a Two-Way Street - steve - Aug 8th 2014
This blog seems to take a point of view from the posts I've read and from the author's that female prostitutes (those women who sell sex" are exploited without awareness by male "customers" who buy services kind of like those who purchase "blood diamonds" without awareness of the slave labor. I believe that may likely be true about most men. The whole concept of sale, service and delivery is fraught with dehumanization with life is reduced to material exchange.
On the other hand, what is missing here, as I’ve found in most discussions like this, is how female prostitutes also exploit males as customers. People have to get past the “male started it” argument to see how this is true. First of all, there's the criminal side of it and many males who mutually engage in prostitution wind up arrested, divorced, without a job, robbed, stigmatized or even murdered (Check the link http://www.ksbw.com/news/central-california/santa-cruz/highend-prostitute-murdered-man-on-yacht-in-santa-cruz-harbor-police-say/26852042#!bzigPG). Second, there’s the health issue, a guy faces with “buying” the service and you don’t even get a warranty when you thing begins to feel more like a ding with the visit from the local seafood crowd of “Clams”, and “Crabs” and you won’t be clapping once you meet the “Clap”, not to mention Herpes, Genital Warts, and, of course, HIV care of poor innocent Trixie.
Let’s be honest all, it’s a two-way street in most cases. This does not hold true with the criminal gangs that kidnap and sell women AND men. Does anyone remember the Monica Lewinsky case? During that time, as I’m sure is the case today, there were news stories about female prostitution of interns in Washington as well as male prostitution of interns. Power and money and hormones drives the two-way street of prostitution exploitation wherever it walks (pun intended).
thinking about turning a prostitute in - Summer - Aug 6th 2014
I think many comments don't really get it. When someone leads a false or hidden life, they don't do it willingly.
They do it mostly because they are an addict. A sex addict. Particularly the high priced call girls. Perhaps the poor ones do it because they are drug addicts.
Addicts break down the fabric of our lives because we all have a dysfunctional reaction to inauthenticity in people. Being honest with one another is what has enabled us to survive as a species!
If we are in a relationship with someone who's not at all who you think they are then your feedback gets mutated. You begin to think something is wrong with you. It's a huge betrayal!
Also, with illegal activity everyone has to keep the secret. When you keep secrets for people it erodes your other relationships because then YOU become inauthentic. It slowly unravels the bonds we have.
what a deep hole we have dug for ourselvs - Robert Nason - Jul 25th 2014
We are hungry- we feed ourselves, find someone who will feed us as part of a relationship or pay someone to feed ut.
We need a haircut- we do without, we cut it ourselves, a family member cuts it or we pay someone to cut it.
We desire sexual contact- we do without, we do it ourselves, we find someone to do it in the context of a relationship or we pay someone to do it with us.
We honor our chefs and respect the service they provide. Our hair stylists often become our best friends. But a sex worker? They are, like migrant workers, both needed and persecuted. Other cultures in history have honored this good work and respected it enough to provide training and social standing. Where has our fear of sex and sexuality come from? Ask your minister.
Messed up all a you! - Loren - Jul 24th 2014
Come on people, don't take it all so seriously. It's just sex. Sex is good, sex feels fantastic , sex fulfills us at a level that nothing else can. So why hide that from each other? a reason that has not been mentioned, why women become prostitutes, is that they love sex, the money is great and they love all the attention from adoring men who bring flowers, perfume, candy, gold sometimes, fine wine of course or whatever the hell else you ask them to bring. Most of them are super nice and grateful and are done in 15 min while us ladies try to get off on what they're giving but whatever sometimes we have to get ourselves off after they leave. It feels good. So go with it. Plus yes after this nice man who just tried hard to bring you pleasure leaves, then there's the bonus of the gifts he left. I don't really see a downside except that society looks down on women who do this. Majority opinion not being for sexual goddesses is the only negative aspect.
To You don't know me - Mark Schwartz - Jul 14th 2014 - - Jul 19th 2014
Have you considered the possibility that you may be a sex addict? As a sex addict in recovery myself, I recognize several symptoms in your blog post. The most obvious one is that you say you want to stop but can't. If you want to stop but can't, to me that says addiction may be an issue for you. I would encourge you to look into treatment. There are a number of 12 Step fellowhships - Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (of which I am a member), Sexaholics Anonymous, Sex Addicts Anonymous - that deal with sex addiction.
There are also some good therapists out there, although my experience is that there's still a lot of misunderstanding around sex addiciton even in professional fields, so make sure you find someone who understands what sex addiciton is and how to treat it. Finally there is a great author named Patrick Cairns who has written several books on the subject, including Out of the Shadows and Don't Call It Love.
Good luck to you.
a wife's view - - Jul 15th 2014
I've found a lot of the comments here really enlightening and some really disturbing. I understand that there is a range of sex workers. Some who are forced into it to the high class escorts. In any case, I consider myself a feminist but one who has thought that prostitution should be legalised. We are sexual beings and prostitutes/escorts can provide a beneficial service if it is legal. If legal it can be regulated to ensure the health and safety of the sex workers. I firmly believe this.
As many people have posted here, yes, it is a business agreement between two people. I see no problem with people who are single and find it difficult to meet women or have little time for relationships paying for escorts. I see know problem with couples who have agreed to using such services.
Where it becomes a problem is when it is an activity done behind a partner's/spouse's back. I do not blame the escort service or the escort. It seems safe as it is legal here in the UK, from my understanding.
But it hurts, to realise that my husband did this. That he did not come to me with his needs first, cause I could have saved a load of money. I am not a sexually closed minded individual and enjoy it a lot.
So on the one hand, I can see where escort (whether female or male) can provide a service fulling a very human physical need. On the other, I can see where a spouse's or significant other's impulse to pay for such a service can negatively impact their relationships, breaking down trust and causing heartache. As a few of you have mentioned potentially causing families to go bankrupt.
You don't know me - Mark Schwartz - Jul 14th 2014
I am married, a well educated professional, father of 6, only one still at home, and I pick up prostitutes regularly. I do this both near home, and when I travel.It's been going on for about 3 years. I don't feel guilty, but worry about the time when I will be caught and the ramifications.
It is for this reason I wish I could stop....but so far have not been successful. I think it's a form of stress relief....I do have a stressful job. I get excited when I am actively looking for a girl, and have even engaged in unsafe sex.
I don't have to spend a lot of money...streetwalkers are $40 or less. I get excited when I am actively looking for a girl.
If anyone has a similar experience, I would love to hear about it.
Im an escort of 3 years. - Gorgeous1 - Jul 11th 2014
ok this Anthony guy is simplt regurgitating same old sexist double standards. WHY is escorting so looked down upon? Sexist double standards. Its that simple. No one bats an eye about male escorts and they are seldom talked about. Most men I come across wish they could be paid for sex, but they know unless theyre gay there is little demand for them. Maybe most men envy our position. The nuclear family is all part of the patriarchal order male social domination. Escorts are not owned by a man and dishing out free sex nightly, so that isnt good for patriarchy I guess. Anyhow, I am a very beautiful and sexy thirty year old woman. I was born into a well to do family but they abandoned me. I went through alot of abuse growing up mostly by males. then my dating experiences with men have been less than stellar. i hate men to the core. i often wish jail didnt existn so i could have a time beating the crap out of some bloke. i especially wish to hurt my adoptive father, and I hate every single client that sees me. i get a kick out of getting alot of money for acting basically. im a good actress. i have ptsd, maybe bpd and npd and psychopath and who knows what else. I didnt ask for these issues. life has taught me to be the way I am. the existence of males is poison for women and society. dirty pervert bastards with overinflated egoes. but nonetheless i must make money, pay bills. i cant work. and id rather poke my eye out than marry a man.
It's takes all sorts - Bea - Jul 9th 2014
as a escort the men I see vary - some want a quick tea lease whilst others are into spending time
and touching and feeling sorcial with someone who is not the norm but may be a fantasy( fetish) my clients range from CEOs of companies, retired people and young marriageable age men.
if sex was not so taboo maybe prostitution would not be such a big issue. Sex is a commodity and my body is a asset. I chooses to do this as it gives me independence and also finacial freedom. I am edicated and have other sources of invome and investments. I like my clients and enjoy my job- if I didn't I wolus stop or. It see a client. Yet I still feel compelled to give up as it is crowned upon.
The reasons why? - Anthony - Jul 5th 2014
Having read the article, whatever category a prostitute falls into equals it is all about the money.
This is a matter of opinion, but my view on this is; female prostitutes and porn workers are involved in the lowest grade of job that any woman can do.
The majority of female prostitutes and porn workers are not forced or duped into the sex industry but go into it knowingly what’s involved and of their own choice.
Many female sex workers in the so-called higher sex industry brackets are completely unaware of how their viewers actually perceive them, as trash of little worth in most cases and living with a false sense that they are seemingly respected by their viewers and in some kind of glamorous occupation, equating themselves with actresses, entertainers, film stars and celebrities.
My main questions being and that I fail to have an understanding of; are some women so heavily money orientated that they will take themselves down to animal levels as the thought of money seems to act as a means to switch these women off from all that is repulsive, meaning they can’t see it, smell it or taste it during their roles in porn films or providing sex services for men?
No one yet has provided any convincing explanations and still remains a mystery to me.
Good article - Antonio - Jun 19th 2014
Not all prostitutes are deteriorated meth wh*res. Like you stated in this articlesome of them are professional escorts (often with working class, middle class backgrounds) who take care of their personal appeareance and see what they do as a career choice or a way to pay for college.
Fascinating - JAZ14 - Mar 25th 2014
I tried prostitutes because I wanted to have sex with three women at once. It was awesome. I'm an athlete and I like athletic sex. we had non stop sex from 11pm until 6am. Then I went to work. I tried at again A year later. Went well. I'm not addicted. It was just something I wanted to experience. Life is short. Have fun I guess.
I love prostitues - sam - Mar 3rd 2014
I am 28, I love going for prostitutes, its not that I am a bad looking to get a girl, I just want no romance and attachements, its much easier to pay for a girl, instead of wasting my time trying to seduce her to just get sex. I have been doing it since 17 years old, and I dont feel guilty about it. I never wanted to have children or get married, I see life of marriage as boring life and not suited for me ( my opinion) besides I don't think I can commit myself to one woman all my life. It's kind of miserable for me.Some prostitues are fun and experienced in sex, I dont only pay them to have sex with them, I also pay them for company in clubs.
Let me know what you think. Thanks
I want to stop seeing prostitutes - - Jan 15th 2014
I'm a 28 years old man, one that you might call "successful" PhD and have a good job. I'm told to be good looking.
I've started seeing escort girls since I was 20 years old. Most of the time it happens when I'm single. Everytime I'm going to see an escort I feel so ashamed, I know it's wrong, but I feel that I can't help it.
This almost led me to a bankrupt. I believe it's related to the fact that I was sexually abused when I was a child. But even knowing that doesn't give me a solution to stop.
In my dreams, I'm married, I have a family and a loving husband and dad. But with this addiction I'm starting to feel that this will never happen.
I'm so desperate. I believe, what is feeding this addiction is the "power" I feel every time I'm visiting an escort website. The ability to choose which girl I'm gonna pick and all the "hunting process" excites me.
Somehow knowing that "I'm doing something that is forbidden" give me so much power. And I believe that all is linked to the child abuse. Because deep down in me I feel "degraded", lower than everything, as if I was just something without any value.
It makes me cry, when I think about this. But I can't help it.
I don't know what to do.
compliments that should not be judged - Marty Hardy - Nov 3rd 2013
Harlotry is not an "occupation", and there is no such thing as selling sexual intercourse. If it was a commodity like, food than I should have been able to keep it. Massage is an occupation, sexual intercourse is not. Making compliments of bosoms,cleavage and rears a crime, that was a really big mistake and a very bad idea from the devil.
This is why I use prostitutes - James - Sep 2nd 2013
I have been using prostitutes for over 30 years. Not constantly but when the mood hits me. When I was married it was especially exciting but now I do it mainly out of boredom and lonliness. My marriage was a sham from the start so I did not feel guilty about it.However a prostitute is not a good cure for lonliness. Maybe for 15 minutes but that's about it.
Some guys will say they will never pay for sex. Well, I am a man who does not attract women easily. So when I have a need I pay for what I need. It serves the purpose.
Wanting to get out of the Prostitution scene - - Jul 17th 2013
I've been seeing escorts for many years. Mainly because I felt that I wouldn't measure up to the women I wanted to date. I'm shy and feel awkward around women I don't know and have a really hard time approaching women. That and I got hooked on porn for many years and wanting to live out that sexual fantasy. I can tell you it's not all what it's cracked up to be. Seeing prositudes is a very empty and Lonley feeling.
I have been hitting the gym and getting a really dark tan and I'm starting to feel a bit more confident in my self and starting to see attractive women checking me out more, making more eye contact. Hoopfully I can get the curraghs to talk to women and be in a normal sexual or serious relationship and not feel tarot that I have to pay for women all the time .
I was a prostitute for 10 non consecutive days - Starla - Jun 10th 2013
At age 20 I was addicted to meth and frustatrated with how my, crappy beyond my control younger years were even worse now. I had to regain some, of well anything. So I decided to visit a friends mother who was "madame" at a Motel where I semi-wanted to but wholly knowing it was wrong had intercourse for money with 1 man. The sex itself wasn't any different from what I was having with a few of my steady boyfriends. Yet that was the only 1 I did. I returned the next weekend and had a few more visitors. By the second full 3 night weekend I couldn't see any real thing wrong with it. I setup visits to my, well moms, home during the week & was confident that I could do this for years, if I wanted to. My longtime boyfriend was incarcerated and I was able to send money to him without him ever knowing. When he was to be released I wouldn't do this anymore.
I was spending more time at the motel, splitting the cost with another girl, for just the 3 nights I "used" the room. We returned from a 24hour establishment when she told me she had a date so I went home. Later that night I rented my own room and my 1st visitor, who was not a regular, requested time with me. After our time was done he insisted that I take his phone number after a dozen attempts that I leave with him.- Which was something I would not do, with anyone; in addition to my only missionary/ no kissing rule.
He returned later that night & wanted to take me "away" from this place. I still stayed. The next nights left me void with a real hopeful but uncertain feeling that I wasn't able to describe (still can't). I went to another city the following week & did not have any sex for money. I still spent the nights with 1 of my known partners.
When I returned I called the guy from the weekend & to make an even longer story short- We have been happily married for 15 years now with plenty more to come.
little tidbits of info: I am now 35, he is 62 and the 26 year age difference that seperates us does nothing of the sort. Drugs, Desire for more in life, welfare my whole life- up til age 20, physical, mental and emotional abused & needing something/someone better than that and equal to my potential me were my issues. His first sexual encounter was paid for by his father on his 13th birthday, had rather frequent encounter with prositutes- including the girl I shared a room with on the morning of the night we met, needing to help someone that could mean somehting to him one day and finally feeling free of all the parental obligations he had with his children- all older than me- and the resentment that they and his first wife left him with. These were his issues.
Together we are wonderful and apart- is something we choose not to do.
I was always a dreamer for the movies "Pretty Woman" & "The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas" but now they are just movies and I actually dream about the day to day of my own life.
The Simple Truth - Someone - Jun 2nd 2013
*All people have a sex drive and so the most prevelent reason to pay for sex rather than just find a partner, is some feeling of inadequacy - whether physical or emotional. They have the money, but whether real or not, they feel limited in finding willing partners for sex.*
The real answer to this lies in demographics and female emancipation. Since the 1970s, women have generally earned more than they used to. Since women are hypergamous, they have 'struck off' the bottom 50% of men (or more) as potential mates. Men that would have had no trouble attracting a woman in the 50s are now hardcore or intermittent incels. Only males who are rich or famous are now worthy of female consideration. Prostitution is flourishing because there are now far more single, incel males than there used to be. In the UK, over a third of men are now single and these men are hardly fighting off women with a club - prostitutes are their only sexual outlet.
Why this is wrong! - Triston Stephens - May 1st 2013
I trhink that prostitution is a morally wrong decission that a lot of females make! Most women do it for the attention and yes, some women and young girls are forced into it by pimps as people would call them but there is a way to end all of this, all of the bull crap and foolishness if this starts when you are young being sexually abused you should speak out to a teacher in your school or someone of authority who you can tell dont be scared to talk to someone about it because this will end prostitution before it even begins.
Money and self esteme - Dave - Apr 27th 2013
Waking up on a day off, mind jumping around, found myself wondering about motives for prostitution, found this thread, read through, very interesting comments. Thought I'd toss in my own. Background is married male 50s, 2 adult sons also married, grandfather now. Never saw prostitute, have known a couple.
We need to be careful with stereotypes, because after a point they are inaccurate and hinder real understanding. On the other hand, in the beginning stereotyping is nothing more than the thinking process, trying to make sense of things through categorization and we would not share stereotypes if there was no truth to them at all. They become amoral and unhelpful only after they start leaving individual human beings inaccurately judged and misunderstood.
So fo the most part, what I have read here does not change my overall thoguht that most people on both sides of prostitution are involved because of money and low self esteme. The reason most of us think this is because it is consistent with what we have observed and because it makes sense. All people needing money will find challenges wherein their self esteme will play a powerful role in what they try to do to get paid. Many women in tough situations who have had very little encouragement or early life assistance will feel this is their only or best choice. Likewise for men ... All people have a sex drive and so the most prevelent reason to pay for sex rather than just find a partner, is some feeling of inadequacy - whether physical or emotional. They have the money, but whether real or not, they feel limited in finding willing partners for sex.
That all said, life is huge and human experience if very diverse. So we should all keep in mind that there are many individuals out there with real expereince who will report that my generality above is not accurate for them. I am sure for example, that there has been a very attractive wealthy woman with her MD, law degree and millions in the bank . Who just set aside the wished of her loving family and became a prostitute because her heart just went out to all the suffering men out there, and she knew it was her calling to help them. I am sure she exists, but I am also pretty confident that none of us here will ever meet her.
working - tracy - Apr 15th 2013
women become prostitutes because money makes the owrld go around and if dont have any you are screwed-period. Is it a matter of laziness? maybe that depends on how you view whats easy and whats hard. Most women would probably agree that its harder to have sex with a complete stranger that you have zero attraction to then it is to work a normal job. Some dont care, some are incompetent, the list goes on. Some are simply at a huge disadvantage in the way of their resources/choices compaed to others and dont feel a want or need to deal with it/suck it up/be strong etc. I am a mother who got separated from my husband of five years for reasons including abusiveness from him which was fairly mild but unacceptable nonetheless and found myself in a quite difficult scenario with an infant child to care for with a college degree but no formal exp. in that field and no source of income or mode of transporantation all while living in a fairly suburban and somewhat small minded community with little to no help from anyone to get by. Could I have held down a regular job? maybe, possibly,and yeah i tried several times but frankly i dont see why i should suffer the hardship of working a low paying job while juggling a small child, poverty, severe lack of resources and race-yes i am a "minority" whatever you chalk that up to (i dont care either way race is a phony concept but 1 that people are still obsessed with nonetheless embarrassingly for them) just because i had a child and ended up becoming destitute. Regardles of judgemental people i know that giving life to another human being is not a crime nor is doing what you can to support that life. Is this an "excuse" ? no , you know why? because i dont feel oblige to make any excusesair for anyone. I am a caring/fair playing/drug/alcohol free/kind person and mother who would and has gone out of my way to make another persons life little bit easier and im not apologizing for not meeting the criterion of judemental people and their ignorant/silly/uptight/unrealistic/hateful sentiments.
thank you all for reading and may you have a blessed life.
Body for Sale - - Feb 15th 2013
You just have to ask yourself: Would I like it if my spouse told me they were just relieving themselves with some random body but, paying for it, so it's okay. Or, how would I feel if my son or daughter told me that they were swaping body fluids for money and silence. And, it's okay because you don't have to love anyone, you don't have to make an effort, you don't have give anything or risk anything, you just have to have more money for a body. If you can honestly answer these questions without worring about the human being who is selling their body for any takers you may need to put yourself in their shoes... Everythng you do makes you who you are.
Melbourne Australia - Melbourne Australia - Feb 4th 2013
First of all I started going to brothels, legal ones only, mainly as im concerned for my health - brothels are legal and regulated in melbourne australia, im not going to stop going but like it to be as safe as possible.
im 38 and male (of course). speaking only of the legal places ive been to in melbourne, the impression i get is that most of the women there do it cos it pays well. Im not sure if they are lazy because you can earn in a few hours how much you would in a week serving fries and coke, some are working as a second income also.
Brothels here are open most hours, that means they have flexibility to work it around a second job or attending class etc.
The sex workers ive seen came across more as street smart & smart operators, after all their aim is to fleece you given usual 30mins :) .. and i can say, ive been weak on many occassions, i end up pay usually 50% more than I intended, for extras. All safe sex though.
The theory is that legal sex workers earn their cash from regulars. Sure there are some tough moments but what job doesnt? And they work in relatively secure environments eg. CCTV camera, other girls and front desk, in low risk main streets etc. police know where they are.
At times I think the victims are the men who frequent them, and their families etc. apart from the unlikely chance of getting a STD eg. HIV, note there was never a recorded case of HIV from a legal brothel in Aust. since records started in 1980. The harm is that it can hurt families psychologically and financially. If the man becomes addicted, which can happen, he can spend up to $1000 per week there. Which leads me to talk about fantasises, I personally am turned on by having sex with someone ive just met.
i dont have family or GF, and i work in a pretty high paying job, so it doesnt bother me to use brothels, if i had either, i would not use brothels, i use it only as a need for sex. I dont wanna dominate girls or carry out some fantasy, but some girls do fantasy, and MFF stuff.
People view sex differently, some women like sex, some like the money and some may have personal issues. But in the brothel the girls can see the client or john as he sits in the waiting room and does not have to take the customer if she does not like him. So i always dress well, means more girls will come out and they wont be afraid of you and know youre not drunk - if youre smart looking, also means you wont be a jerk, and you may tip etc. :)
Overall, i think its not an easy job for the girls, unless they have regular clientele, because there is always a risk and some danger physical or STDs, although small.
All ive ever seen with men who go to sex clubs, strip clubs and brothels are guys who cant get laid, usually over 30-50, who has some cash eg. good job, and like all men just want some sex once in a while... The girls know this, and will always try to seduce you to help lighten your wallet, it is more like fake sex sometimes, which sometimes make me feel sad as my life situation is the same ... similar to alcoholics i guess hehe, as its often just a show the girl puts on, but the guy really enjoys it, and goes away feeling better about himself, to me, thats a win win. Im happy to pay. the girl may enjoys it too and get paid.
Food For Thought - Myself - Jan 29th 2013
"Rejection... Im sick and tired of being the fat below avarage looking gal. I blame the creator weather that's our parents, or God. Im ignored on Facebook when I post pictures of my self. Yet some dude posing in his boxers will get 20 women and men kissing him ass just because he has a great body.
Same with gals who are very fit. Im 40 years old, I can only work out once or twice a week so there's no way I can look like some 20 year old with a toned body...
Im only interested in vary stuning young boys. That will never change. If I lowered my standards and dated men who are suppose to be in my leage it will never work out. I cant just fall in love with some one for there persionality.
I can fall in love with some one who is really cute and attractive. Then I want to get to know him. If I was with some unnatractive over weight men I would feel even more depressed. I would always be checking out the young cuties and wishing I was with them instead.
Lots of gals on here say they just want sex. For me that is true but I want some one special to spend my time with out side of the bed room. If I was with some one who Im not attracted to I would just feel more miserable...
So there for I would rather be single. Why be held down with some one your not interested in? Its noy fair to me or him. I dont like paying for men but I guess its better then feeling like a reject because I dont have the hot curves and cheek bones and perfect nose like other gals do and Im not 95 pounds. Like I said the creator is to blame.
God thought we should all just love each other for what's on the inside but he goes and makes certing women and men look like models and the rest of us gets left in the dust because we dont look likt that.
God might think every one is beautifule in his eyes but God isn't out there on a Saturday night in some loud night club getting rejected by men."
(This is a previous user comment... with the gendered language inverted. Men, do you like the sound of it? Do you feel sympathetic that the writer can't help only being attracted to stunning young men and not caring for men her own age or of a less-than-stunning physique, do you think 'oh, that poor woman, I know *exactly* where she's at, this is why the world needs prostitutes?' Because you should completely endorse this comment, if you are in favor of prostitution.
Or does this comment make you feel angry, or devalued, does this woman sound shallow or selfish or hypocritical, for saying that she wants to fall in love with someone special, yet insists upon being sexually pleasured by super-hot strangers in the meantime? That she's unattractive but *can't* be with any man who isn't a model? Not to mention that hint of underlying aggression towards *all* men by suggesting that attractive men are exhibitionists who manipulate people through their sexuality into 'kissing their asses?' And the double standard of hating men for 'demanding' a hot, 20-year-old physique which the author finds unattainable, even while claiming to 'need' that appearance in a partner? Is it really a better choice to purchase another human being's body, to demand a living sex toy to cater to your desires and lie to you, rather than being single?)
Shattered Heart - - Jan 14th 2013
Husband had 40 pros in a year....cost$10,000 + for him and a shattered heart for me.
End the bigotry! - John (not my real name) 55 - Jan 11th 2013
You seem to be hell bent on characterize all prostitutes as being unfortunate or damaged women, and the men who see prostitutes as expoiters. When will the stereotyping and bigotry end?
In responce to Call girl opinion - - Dec 25th 2012
You dont speak for all Escorts. While you may think its sad that men pay for sex, its even sader that you cant get any other high paying job other then spreading your legs for strangers cause your either to dumb or lazy to get an education to get a good paying job so you resort to selling your body.
Women like you shouldn't even be in this business. By the sounds of your attitude I doubt you get many repeat clients. Or you get bad reviews on Escort forums.
Call girl opinion - - Dec 10th 2012
Having sex with a prostitute is just paying for sex.Do guys really believe because we have the ultimate guise of fun loving sex bombs that we think these guys paying for sex are showing us a good time?No guys,sorry but we still think you are sad.We defiantly appreciate your cash and big tips but have no illusions that you are truly getting us off as we smile and moan.Definatly better than working a low paying job and for sure it is much more demanding than flipping grease burgers and changing hotel towels. In the end I just feel like a desensativity to my own sex drive because money and sex have become one.I am not an attorney who gets off on being a whore.I am just a girl working with what she's got.The term 'date' should not really even apply. This is no 'date' scenario.Just a word to make you feel better about paying a stranger for doing circus trix for you.Sorry.P.S. for those guys who don't think it is cheating then ha!it totally is dummies and so is porn.At least get real about it!
The continuing debate - AThoughtfulWoman - Oct 2nd 2012
My Husband and I were debating this topic tonight, which is what lead me here. As to why do women become prostitutes? To which my response is, they were sexually abused. Since, every sex worker I have ever be-friended revealed to me, they were raped or molested or abused or all of the above. Getting themselves trapped in this vicious cycle. I recently knew one beautiful woman who went from solid good work, to doing pills, to coke to stripping to whoring. All because her childrens Father cheated on her, left her, got the slut pregnant and started doing heroin. Never known a woman to just want to be a whore but certainly knew the lazy type.. They were also abused and had no Father figure in their life.
My Husbands thought is, they are lazy and weak. So they let anyone touch them.
My sister the psycholgist, says they are porn/sex addicts who just need their next energy fix.
As for the Men, my Husband. A very attractive looking man who could have had any woman he wanted.. Actually WAITED to have sex with me until we were engaged. Not just with me, with ANYONE. He was a virgin prior. Telling me he wanted to be a good man and so he wouldn\\\'t let anyone he didn\\\'t love trick him into wasting himself or risk getting an STD.
So all these guys who use the excuse \\
Dilemma - Sg - Sep 8th 2012
I am male 38 years of age, extremely slim and weigh about 45 kilos. I am in IT and am well placed with great salary. I am also ugly to the point that no girl has even looked my way. I have even not got the oppertunity to communicate to a girl anything other than offical things and that also via email . Anway i know where i stand and i accept that. I feel sad that i am lonely all the while. I have tried a dating site but did not even get any interest.
So as i i see there are two options before me:-
1) Continue my sad, lone life and die a 'virgin death'
2) Visit a prostitute to get to know how it feels to touch a girl
I have so far avoided option (2) because of MY moral reasons.
But the urge for (2) is still strong, i try to get busy like reading stuff, astronomy, listening to music etc. I am trying my level best to avoid option (2). I have succeeded for 38 years and hope that i will continue like this. Tough to think that i will die without touching or kissing a girl at least for the sake of knowing how it feels is really depressing. Anyhow i try to channelise whatever energy i have in other directions.
I do not blame/judge men like me who have no option but to go for option (2). They do it because they DO NOT have any other options.
Keepin' it real - Scribbler - Aug 27th 2012
If I have to listen to the moral sermonizing of one more academic on this topic I'm going to scream. In no particularl order.
1. Morality - If two adults agree to do something together that doesn't harm either party, whether cash is involved or not, the voluntary nature of it makes it morally a personal decision (and while you can assert some kind of exploitation always exists, but remember you are just making that up). Of course, if their is coercion it's wrong. Period. That is the end of the discussion. One commenter claims that every "woman's sexuality is sacred" - hmmm, many women don't see it that way, who is she to impose her morality on others? As well, many folks here suffer from a Puritanical view of sexuality that somehow sees it as a priori wrong or bad if not in a relationship. That is a view that flies in the face of reality and human history. We are sexual beings and there are a wide variety of views about "correct" sexuality out there - Christianity's view is not "right" - it's a choice you make for yourself, not others.
2. The Female Motivation - The women I've met and have had sex with for money all did so voluntarily. Most, when asked, seem to be the 'lazy' types. Hot young women who can get paid outrageous sums of money for their time. There is always fantasy talk of 1000/night, but the reality is most can make 100-200 an hour for the actual work, plus a tip. In other words, they make in 2-3 hours what someone with no skills makes at McDonalds in a week. Certain women see that tradeoff as an easy one to make. I have met a few who are either man0haters (and in about 5 minutes I'm gone) and a small number who are obviously emotionally messed up. And guess what? I meet women who are emotionally messed up everywhere, I'm under no obligation to "save them".
3. The Male Motivation - I love the fact that the author missed the motivations that he mentioned above. I'll just state my case. I'm 50, divorced and have a grown child. My life is back in my hands. I find most women in my "age bracket" are downers, very uptight and not at all fun to be with. And they mostly aren't fun to look at either, part of aging. So I'm left with being alone, or manipulating a younger woman into a "relationship" (btw, most woman I know who are hot young things dating a guy twice their age are the one's with the emotional problems who are being exploited). But I won't do that as I think that is kind of unfair, but I want to have sex with someone attractive, so I reach out to pretty, young, sane prostitutes. I can have sex with a bitter, unattractive, insane 49 yr old woman for free, but really, trying to pretend that they aren't whacked is hard and frankly, something I just don't have the patience for at this point of my life. So I "rent". There are some guys who are acting out of compulsion or some need to dominate women, but so what? As long as it's being done without coercion or damage to either party, why are our motivations any business of anyone else?
4. Crime - Illegality makes this business much more sleazy than it needs to be, and more dangerous for both parties, and guarantees the criminal element will be involved. And it turns the whole process of connecting with each other a worrisome, frustrating effort. To what end? So some Christians can sit around on their couches and feel good about themselves?
I love the faux therapuetic tone of the author, as though this is some disease that needs to be "cured" or something. People have been doing this since humans started having sex - and it isn't going to stop. This is because we innately know that our voluntary sexual actiivities are no business of the psychology profession or the state.
soulredeemer - - Aug 9th 2012
I can tell you that women are harmed through prostitution. Women's sexuality is sacred. I worked as a prostitute for 10 years on and off. I thought I'd do it for while because I needed the money but I got trapped. It's a web. Women cope by becoming unconscious or asserting they made a choice. In the end I was conscious that I didn't have a choice and it was like surgery without an anesthic every day. The only way I coped was to have compassion for the men who paid for me to lie - so they could lie to themselves and use me as their fantasy. Whatever I was to them they did not want me to be real and yet the truth is what the truth is ... When we die we are our own judges. We will see our lives and we will feel the pain of all those to whom we have caused suffering and ignorance will not save us. What kind of stupidity does it take to believe a woman 'enjoys it' day in day out and all the social isolation and other effects and consequences too long up list. Only a completely unconscious person will be able to bury the truth in their denial ... Wake up and live a truthful loving life ... Anything less and you create your own world of lies, your own world of pain .. Heal what needs healing and open your hearts and minds to love x
Porn and sexual addiction - - Apr 1st 2012
I think lots of men get into Prostitution because they have a sexual addiction and they get hooked on porn. I think for men who want to be with a women who looks like a Playboy model and who will perform sexual acts with him. As most people know its very hard to find women like this. Most women are not sluts who will just act out a porno fantasy with some random total stranger. But a prostitute will for money. Its like when you look up porno sites. You got all types of women from age, 18 to MILF's, all races and all the women doing porn are all very beautiful. So, a man who is hooked on porn to get that jolt of satisfaction watching porn and browsing lots of porno sites may feel sexually frustrated and now wants the real thing.
Rather then going out and trying to get into a real relationship, he will call up an Escort or pick up a hooker off the street and live out that sexual fantasy. When the sexual addiction takes over there's no going back. This man is obsessed with women and wanting to have sex with random women like you see in the adult films. Risking his health and even financial situation just to get that "high" off of getting off with a different women. Yet for some resin he still feels not satisfied with hookers. He wants to really live out that sexual fantasy so he may even try and approach women who are not sex workers per say. Maybe he might try and talk a stripper into having sex with him for the right amount of money. All it takes for this sexually addicted person to get overwhelmed with sexual desire that takes over the mind is going to a strip club, or a Hooters restaurant and having sexual thoughts about the Hooters waitress. Or even the shopping malls checking out attractive young girls walking through the malls and some of the sexy outfits girls wear now a days.
It all comes back to getting hooked on porn. This person sees almost all women as sexual fantasy's not potential girl friends. He's trying to find that special gem who can really get him off like he gets off watching porno's. He will engage in more risky behaviours like finding prostitutes who will perform unprotected oral sex with no condom. Or ejaculate in her mouth or on her face like you see in X rated movies. I know of men who spend thousands and thousands of dollars on month on different prostitutes. They have slept with at least 20 to 40 women within a year. Some of these men are single and some are married or in a relationship. It really doesn't have anything to do with feeling wanted, or needed by a women. As I said its all linked to sexual addiction and trying to feed that sexual addiction by watching porn and now paying a hooker to get him off.
I&'ve never had any luck with women - Benz - Mar 30th 2012
Like the title says. I've never had any luck with women at all. I lost my virginity at the age of 25 to some stranger I met on a dating service. She wasn't my girl friend and at that time she wasn't a hooker either. I think if I was a happier and more confident person in life and had more decent friends maybe I would be able to get a decent girl who would want to be with me. I'm a very sexual person but I'm scared to ask out most women because in the past I always seem to get rejected. So, trying to have sex with a none sex worker for me is pretty much out of the question.
Unless the girl is really trying to have sex with me but that doesn't ever happen. I've become lazy and not even trying any more to pursue women. I'm convinced I'm just going to be single and alone for the rest of my life. Any of the girls who I would even want to ask out is already in serious relationships and I wont lower my standards to date some one who most guys would not find the least bit attractive. I can browse Escort ads and find some of the most drop dead gorgeous women I have even seen and they will always be available. No flaky phone numbers, no rejections.
So, I guess for me my reality is if I want to be with a women who is stunning and wont reject me, I have to pay for it...
Is having sex with a hooker cheating on your wife? - Doreen - Mar 24th 2012
If a man thinks that having sex with a hooker is not cheating on his wife, would it be fair to say that if his wife decided to purchase time with a male hooker, it would be okay by her husband. In other words, what's good for the gander is also good for the goose.
If the woman wants sex,but the man is paying for it? - left wondering - Mar 23rd 2012
In November 2011 I found out my fiance that I lived with was involved with escorts, I confronted him and he denied it of course. We split up recently and this was one of the factors for me. I am left with this confusion now. 3years ago we had the most amazing sex life, he always had a high sex drive as did I. After we moved in together in 2011 he stopped wanting sex, I would try all sorts of things daily to get his attention, most the time he was just not into it anymore. He would tell me he was 40 and just didnt have the energy. I am one of those women that trys alot of varietys, anywhere anytime type. So can someone please tell me why even when we were getting along, happy, he was telling me Oh I love you babe... and then at the same time running out to pay for sex before I got home from work? Then Id get home and he wouldnt want sex from me? Part of me questions and asks whatd I do? Is there something wrong with me? Then I think it got to be him right? I cant talk to anyone about this because I hate to tell anyone what I found out about him. He was a super great guy when he wanted to be but had a dark side, he was a recovering addict when we met. But the drugs and drinking I never really stopped. So I trying to understand the correlation between the drugs, drinking, prostitutes as all part of him coping with his childhood- coming from a father who beat his mom, and both parents cheating... Is he one of those men who deep down hates women? Is he one of those men who see paid sex as not cheating? We are over but the thoughts cosume me. I lay in bed wondering are all men doing this? and he just got caught. Did my previous relationships also pay for sex? Im just in such shock and disgust, hurt, etc since I always thought I was satisfying him. Then I think back to my ex before him, he told me upfront he could never me just with me because he needed "variety" he said quote " men cannot eat the same kind of pizza everyday". So with that I was at least thankful that he was honest with me and didnt go behind my back. I hope to get some feedback and closure from men so I can get over this.
Hooker Wife - james - - Mar 17th 2012
Judges in what state are trying to legalize it? First guess would be nevada. But in San Francisco, California i've heard non penetrative sex used with a condom is tolerated. I wonder about that though. Then there is that ussc case about sex toys legalizing prostitution one day. Yes, maybe something much thicker than a condom but also disposible as one might pull it off.
Hooker Wife - james - Mar 7th 2012
Well I'm married to a Lawyer that after 12 years decided to become a high class escort.
She figured she was over the pretence and out right abuse of people by the legal profession.
Her take on it is that prostitution is an honest and well needed profession.
Be careful of your judgments Dr, not everyone sees the world through your eyes.
By the way I am a Medical Practitioner...........our combined income is now $850,000 per year. My wife earns as much as a working girl as she did in the legal profession, works about 1/3 as much and has much more time for our 3 kids.
Happly married to a whore/hooker/slut/harlot/fallen woman???????
Funny thing is she now sees 3 Judges....the same ones that with the Department of Public Prosecutions are trying to legalise prostitution.
Bigoted small minded people get in the way of this Nobel profession.
O sorry for the home truth people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was married to a prostitute - - Feb 7th 2012
I have been a regular customer of prostitutes for 35+ years. My wife married me for money and her need to control and berate me. I tolerated her temper and unreasonableness and thievery to keep a happy family. If she didn't get her way on something, then sex was out of the question because "Your not nice to me." Bull!!! She made all decisions at home and I made them at my business. She spent wrecklessly. I see more and more women who want to see the man's earning power before they will go out with him. She was their leader and a Prostitute in our marriage...no pay, no satisfaction of natural needs. So I am happy and proud to say, I looked out for myself and stayed married to a beautiful low-life for the sake of the kids. Prostitutes are my friends and I got to know many on a friendly, but business basis. We just helped each get by in our own tough situations. I definitely should be legalized!!! Many many men are in my situation and are good fathers and husbands with "glamour girl" type wives.
lets face facts for once - the truth - Jan 28th 2012
i came across this post while doing a little research on the human condition,ive got a few theories on the problems in society today and the sexual frustration of men is one of them..its real simple,the issue is societies has gone completely against the natural state of a man and his needs,,i read a study once that stated that men when given a choice would choose sexual variety over sexual security EVERY time...then look at genetics for instance and evolution (or even watch the animal kingdom for other mammal behaviour) men produce millions of sperm a second,it only takes 1 to make a baby! we are PROGRAMMED to constantly seek out new genes to carry our seed!(this might explain to some of you girls why your man loses interest in the bedroom,he\\\'s missing variety and cant function)..what im trying to say in short is that having 1 woman for life is against nature and completely destroying the human experience(funnily this applies to women as well,just to a less frequent and more selective way as they can only carry 1 child a year,,but still have the ability and furthermore responsibility to try varied genetics for the sake of human survival,thats how we evolve!)..somewhere along the line(and i suspect it was a delibarate ploy for mass control purposes) it became accepted to tie yourself to a single human experience for life..dont get me wrong,im not talking about love here,im talking about sex,2 different things(especially to a man)a man can love a woman and still have his needs!(same for women) hence the prostitute issue,,today im sorry to say it but women are spoilt(especially in the west) a man has to jump through all sorts of hoops just to fulfill his basic desires!,,prostitutes just cut out a LOT of red tape and gets straight to what he wants,,this is even more true for men who dont have much succes with women in general..the next step for those who dont fulfill their basic desires is frustration..think about it,,if hitler was getting laid left right an centre do you think he would of had the time or inclination to behave like that?!? i dont think so! he\\\'d be walking around with a big grin on his face!..women dont get the same frustration because they can get sex ANYTIME from ANY man she wants,only fear of judgement holds them back(another big problem)..i feel its time people,and especially us men,stopped being cowards and sheep and just put the truth out there despite any perceived reprisals,,the world would be a better place i think!! thats my 2 cents,,peace and love people,embrace it!
To Mike - - Jan 14th 2012
Mike: $300 for an hour to have sex with a woman of his choice and a man who risks rejection to ask a woman out, we'll say she agrees and he spends well over $300 dollars getting to that "3rd date?
Well, its not that much if you use online adds. And 100 dollars a date? That doesn't include the clothes you have to buy, and the car, and home, and the job you have to have in order to even get her interested. If you just want use escorts and such, you don't have to go to such extremes. And you can spend 1/3 of that at a massage parlor. That's how wall street yuppies get it off these days.
Mike: 'They fear that society will crumble into an std riddled pit that they claim'
And so the excuse for making 'sale of sexual contact for money' illegal. But what if there was no sexual contact at all? Like using a wireless sex toy, for instance.
Betrayed Spouse, Part 2 - - Jan 10th 2012
I've been living in an altered state since the revelation of my spouse's infidelity with several hookers. We are making slow, painful progress in trying to heal from his wounding, thoughtless infidelity, thanks to counseling and other efforts. In counseling recently, I let loose with my emotions. I let my spouse have it -- no holds barred. I yelled, screamed, cried. I just erupted; it wasn't planned. He needed to hear how much he had cut me to the core of my very being. I think the venting of this pent-up anger, bitterness and grief surprised him, even though I've been unstinting in expressing my pain since he told me what he had done. The anguish has been as raw, stinging and unrelenting as any awful emotion I've felt as a result of sad life events. A part of me has died. The faith and trust I had in my husband and in our relationship has died. I've become an old woman overnight, and it shows in how I look and act. Everyone can see it, even if they don't know exactly what has gone wrong. My husband is at a loss to explain why he did what he did, and he may never know exactly why, other than having a high sex drive which, unfortunately, I couldn't accommodate. I know he is deeply sorry for the pain he has caused, and I think he wants to work on rebuilding the relationship. I don't know how I feel about this yet. I haven't thrown him out, although I've been tempted to (he is not working and his unemployment might run out soon; I'm the one who works and brings home the paycheck). I still love him -- and I detest him too. Only time will tell what happens. I caution men with women in their lives to think carefully and with brutal clarity about the consequences of any kind of infidelity you may be tempted to exercise. If you're a real man, and you're unhappy with your wife, girlfriend or partner, have an honest conversation -- don't skulk, stray and pray behind her back like an adolescent schmuck. Man up, show respect, and don't act like a cowardly shitheel. My husband, whom I loved for years for his innate decency and rectitude, turned out to be one of the biggest sh*theels I've ever known, and now I have to ask myself if I can move on from the eye-opening discovery and live with his the consequences of his flawed behavior. As I said, only time will tell. One day at a time. One day at a time. Meanwhile, I am determined to rebuild my self-respect and not depend on him, or anyone for that matter, for my own happiness and well-being. That may well be the one silver lining to emerge from his horror show. I will survive.
Single men - Mike - Jan 7th 2012
Firstly I have no desire to engage in an "all women are victims who were forced into that lifestyle by bad men who sold them drugs, enslaved them" blah blah blah I have higher opinion of your average woman's abilities and mental state to conclude that she is some helpless victim in this or any other factor of her life.
As a side question I wonder who has a lower opinion of women, chauvanists (and there are female chauvanists too lets not forget) who legitimately "hate" women; or feminists and white knights who think women are incapable of anything without outside help and are perpetual victims of everyone and everything..just a thought. Personally I find them both equally disruptive and deplorable but I digress.
I would like to ask a simple question, ignoring the attached or married men who visit escorts (also seemingly forgetting the married women who are escorts lol) what is the fundamental difference between a single man paying I don't know we'll say $300 for an hour to have sex with a woman of his choice and a man who risks rejection to ask a woman out, we'll say she agrees and he spends well over $300 dollars getting to that "3rd date?" I want a real relationship and actively pursue them, however in thinking about this issue in my opinion the only real difference in this situation is that the male actually has some measure of control rather than being at the whim of a woman.
I've begun to wonder whether the ambivalence I see younger women having (again, I'm looking at younger women who likely aren't married) towards call girls in some of these comments in this and other similar articles I've seen over the years is because of some moral righteousness or fear that society will crumble into an std riddled pit that they claim or simply because they see prostitutes lessening the market value of what they themselves are putting out there. Seems fundamentally the same in the long run as to why other women go out of their way to shame "sluts" in my experience.
Pretty balanced analysis - Rebelove - Jan 1st 2012
Though brief, your discussion of this sensitive issue seems to me quite fair and nuanced. As you say, there are many reasons why men resort to prostitutes, some of them not very respectable ones. Pretty much the only situation in which I think someone may legitimately seek the services of a sex worker is when a person is so romantically challenged that they have no other way of achieving a reasonable degree of sexual fulfillment. I have discussed this issue on my personal blog: http://love4mavericks.wordpress.com/2012/01/01/is-it-ever-acceptable-to-pay-for-sex/
A Betrayed Spouse's Perspective - - Dec 28th 2011
Since I discovered recently that my spouse of 21 years has been seeing escorts/prostitutes for 15 months clandestinely, I have been wrestling with fear, anxiety, depression and rage over this elemental betrayal of my love, loyalty, trust, caring and support. There has to be a point where moral relativism becomes moral clarity - a black and white issue of right and wrong. My husband is overall a good and kind man, but he has done a terribly hurtful thing to the person he is supposed to protect and care for the most: me. I will not lie: since going through menopause, my libido is just about gone. My only fault was not addressing it openly with my husband so we could try to find a middle ground in terms of our sex life. But he didn't communicate with me either about his continuing strong drive. We both ignored the looming elephant in the room and this lack of communication had awful consequences. Still, his infidelity is no excuse. No excuse. I repeat: no excuse. I bear zero responsibility for his unacceptable actions and will not allow myself to be a victim of any redirected guilt. To do his thing, he used funds he had saved from his last job which he had kept hidden from me, he covered his tracks carefully (figuring, what my wife doesn't know will not hurt her), and he outright lied to my face, telling me he was going to career networking meetings when he was going to hook-ups. He has been unemployed for about 16 months which I have little doubt has contributed to his behavior. Despite his job search, he has too much time on his hands - he was bored, he had no outlet for his work skills, and he has a high sex drive. No doubt he is suffering from a kind of depression as well over his long-term joblessness. Meanwhile, through everything, I was busting my you know what with 12 hour work days to make a decent living for the two of us. Everything I have done has been with a simple goal in mind: the betterment of our lives together and to prepare for our futures, to be comfortable and healthy. When a husband cheats on his wife - whether it's a love affair or prostitutes -- and lies and goes behind her back, it's a miserably unsustainable course of action. At some point, the wife will find out and there will be devastation and anguish -- ruination. No one deserves this, no one. Oh yes: my husband was arrested and the charges were made worse because he had a couple of Ecstasy pills in his pocket. Now, we have to wend our way through the legal mess he has plunged us into. It may be a routine matter for the attorney, but for us, it's anything but. We are in marriage counseling, he has stepped up his job search, he is paying for the attorney from his remaining funds, etc. I have not thrown him out -- yet -- and he has not left. We both know that we have to make life-altering decisions from rationality, not emotionality. His own siblings are appalled and angered by his behavior. Others in our circle have shown love and compassion for us both. I am trying to forgive, but forgiveness is hard: it may be impossible. And I do not trust him. Even after he confessed (which he had to do because he was arrested, otherwise he would have continued with his secret life), he continued to communicate (via an alias) with one of the hookers he had been with a few times and taken a liking to, as well as the one he was arrested with. And the latter tried to guilt him into giving her the money she should have gotten for the tryst and the room she supposedly reserved! He almost sent it too -- talk about a screwed up sense of chivalry and obligation! The stupidity is mind-boggling. Mind-boggling. He also lied about the amount of money he had saved up without telling me. Now, that money is going to pay the attorney's fee and he will have to get any job, even if it's slinging burgers, to pay the fines and other monetary restitution he will have to make for his criminal acts. How does a betrayed wife cope with this? I loved this man, and part of me still does. Why did he change? Sometimes I feel as though we are strangers co-habitating. Other times, there is warmth. He says he doesn't know if he loves me any longer and hasn't been happy for awhile. Why didn't he just tell me, if this is true? Yes, the pain would have been awful, but not as awful as this. This is horrific. I am trying to find the reserves of strength and hope I will need to plot a future course for myself, whether it will be with him or without him. I don't know yet what 2012 will bring. But this much I know -- this kind of infidelity is wrong, plain wrong. It is cruel.
Love, Marriage and everything in between - Ought to be commited - Dec 15th 2011
There is no contraversy. Many men go to prostitutes because of the ease of transaction. It satiates a hunger.
The posters here who talk about how it is so repugnant should read the responses of the men who are apparently outside the idealized boyfriend material. They don't do it because it's a "thrill" or it's a control thing. If popular culture didn't shamelessly promote the idea that women have to have the tall dark and handsome guy, there would be way fewer providers. Those guys are the true "victims" of a society that cares more about image than substance.
I doubt if a single one of these marginalized men would not want to be in a commited relationship with the 2.5 kids, a dog and a little house in the burbs.
If we really want to heal society, the long term solution is in reducing the "cause" that creates both the demand and the supply of sex-for-money.
Good Dr. you are all about healing the underlying problems - this is great. This is what I see as the underlying problem.
Victim of Changes - Someone - Nov 29th 2011
Since your views about prostitution have been disproved by the evidence, are you prepared to revise your views about prostitution and women in general, and start integrating our better ideas into your clinical practice?
What do you think about the young fellow on the other prostitution thread who says American women are racist? How is it his fault that American women hold such views? What do you think should be done to challenge their views?
Home Truths - Someone - Nov 26th 2011
*From my perspective, the major concern about these men is not so much that they pay for sex but that they seem blind to the plight of these women.*
Most of the women just don't want to get a normal job. Foreign women who move to other countries and become prostitutes are, in the main, making a self-interested decision:
The same is true for most western prostitutes - they are largely too lazy to work at a normal job. Prostitution represents quick, easy money to them, nothing more.
*They convince themselves that prostitution is a choice and that none of the women they see are exploited. In some cases, they might be right. A lot depends on where they go and who they see. In my opinion, it's a mistake to make any assumptions about the women they are visiting.*
So many holes in this argument... first, prostitution IS a choice in the vast majority of cases (see above link).
Second, nearly everyone sells themselves under capitalism (apart from the bosses). Most people would not be doing the jobs they do if they had attended Harvard Business/law/Medical School. To stop exploitation, one would have so re-structure society along socialist lines. Under present conditions, nearly everyone is exploited.
Third, who is exploiting whom? It could be said that whores are exploiting men without partners. Consider how prostitutes always move in to exploit soldiers and other men who are lonely, unhappy and far from home. They do this without a trace of shame or guilt.
Fourth, why should men feel any compassion for prostitutes? Since when did women of that class show any compassion for men in general, or men who use prostitutes in particular? Consider how whores use sex to exploit men in the army. Most western women are selfish and callous. Who cares what happens to them? Do they care about me?
Fifth, Dr Schwartz himself makes huge generalizations about prostitutes. He assumes they are all unwilling slaves. They link I posted refutes this assumption utterly. In discussions like this, generalizations are inevitable. However, mine tend to be backed by real evidence, unlike his own.
Mrs - Smith UK - Nov 16th 2011
I've just discovered that my husband has been visiting a brothel for at least the last two years. It was and is still a shock and I am hurt. Not so much by the fact of the act as all the lying that goes along with it. He's always been an arrogant man - racist to the point of embarressing and often sexist too. Underneith all this he is the biggest coward I have ever known. His parents were extremely dysfunctional and he keeps blaming them for his behaviour. I'm also pretty sure that his father visited prostitutes and may have introduced my husband to the trade at an early age. Lots of fathers take it upon themselves to get their sons sexually initiated in a brothel.
What's really sad about the whole thing is that although my husband has been for two Aids and Syphilis tests that know of in the last 4 years - he still denys that he has had sex with some one else. The term 'denial' and 'pathological liar' spring to mind. I feel like I have replaced his mother - even the cloths and scents he's bought and chosen for me in the past have been for a woman in her sixties (and that was when I was in my 20's???).
All I can say is that there are an aweful lot of very sexually screwed up men out there and that this is clearly the cause of prostitution as a cultural phenomenon. The men are ususally (if not always) men who are intimidated by real everyday women and can only get their pleasure from a completely subserviant female - a woman who, as you have quite rightly stated - shows no emotional attachment. She might just as well be a warm slab of mean on a butchers block.
married men - - Jul 20th 2011
How does any Married man believe it is alright to hire a prostitute? What he percieves to be his right to his own body can kill his wife and if pregnant his child. Woman are not stupid for trusting their husbands yet people have become soft to the idea of married men hiring whores I believe the penalties for married men should be strict this oppinion does not apply to single men. Married men really are physically in some cases killing, murdering their mates for a selfish moment with a stranger. Who protects the innocent..... the ones who do not know that some men are betrayers of trust. I think if a man is arrested his spouse should be notified before there is a funeral if we talk about free choice why is her choice removed she should know what he is up to so she can make the choice to stay or go before he gives her more than a ring. Those who comment bitterly to this remember the woman in your lifes and the men they are married too shouldnt they have a say after all their husbands infidelities could affect thier lifes.
some thoughts...... - Observer - May 4th 2011
I've never understood why people refer to prostitution as buying a women. Are you buying the services of a gardener to do yardwork? Of course comparing Sex Work to yardwork is probably an apples and oranges comparison....
I've also seen anti porn people and feminists refer to objectifiaction as far as people who view pornography....
Well don't we objectify people in everyday life.
For example, I walk into Subway and pay $5 for a sandwich. I don't say-ah, yes fellow human being with agency who has ethically submitted to working for a company to sustain oneself in the free maket while forgoing hopes and dreams, please make me a sandwich. I too submitt to the free market and distribute my labor for money. Here I am demonstrating my agency by parting with money that I had submitted to earning by moral means and am now demonstrating free will to choose to buy a sandwich. As one fellow human being I wish you prosperity in pursuing your hopes and dreams to the fullest of your agency.
Yes, I am using that person to make a sandwich, that person is accepting being used for a paycheck, the company is usnig that person to make a profit. I am being used by someone to make a profit and I am excersizing a choice to spend that money.
Is this because sex is something so pure that it should never be diluted by the filth that is capialism???
Yes I am speaking of the abstract political, not the gritty personal here. It just seems when people speak of morals it is something unquestioned, then they critisize anyone who doesn't accept their dogma.....
another opinion in the blogosphere - A different point of view - Apr 30th 2011
I like this article. - Ravi Vikas - Apr 27th 2011
I want to thank you Dr. & above commenter for such a nice topic. It gives a nice insight!!
Reading Comprehension - Damage Case - Apr 25th 2011
Go re-read what I wrote-I was not comparing sex to hard drugs. I was comparing my socialization to buying sex as a gradation as someone may continue to use harder drugs. I think the analogy holds because there are parallels-ie level 1 general social acceptance. Level 3 much less acceptance.
So, if you are going to critisize my comment, at least have the courtesy to read what I wrote on the last thread as I did mention that above.
And for the record I do belive that it is not the government's business to regulate what adults do with their bodies-that goes for drugs and prostitution.
I will be frank and say prostitution did nothing to help me with my underlying causes of being unable to have a relationship.
I do agree with you that we live in a sex negative society but don't put words into my mouth that weren't there.
Comparing sex to taking hard core drugs - Laura Myer - Apr 23rd 2011
How ridiculous that someone can compare having sex to taking hard core drugs.
1. healing, therapeutic comfort?
2. stress relief?
3. restoring men's confidence again
Sex is sex. Whether this is in a long term relationship or someone purchasing it, it doesn't make 1 more virtuous than the other.
What a sex negative society!
Not a justification but a few things to be added - Damage Case - Apr 19th 2011
First as far as "the men," please add #5) Shyness-males are often expected to be the initiators of romantic encounters. For males especially, shyness can be cripling. Females may be shy but a shy female may still get asked out. I understand women have many problems with dating and there are many double standards....
Also-I don't want to make this complex but it is partially in reply to Disillusioned's thoughtful comments on the last thread.
I believe there are three levels of prostitution.
1) Pornography-actors and actresses were paid money to perform sex acts on camera. Consumers of pornography aren't directly paying the actors and actresses but are indirectly creating demand for the product.
2) Strip Clubs/Lap Dances/Peep Shows-although there may be legal regulations and technically not sex acts-this is what socialized me to "paying for it." That's why I called it the "gateway drug" in the previous post.
3) Prostitution-Blow jobs, hand jobs, sexual intercourse for money.
In comparison, you have:
3) Hard drugs-cocaine, heroine
All three of the above are drugs. Alcohol is the most socially acceptable with most adults having had a drink at one time or another. Marijuana may be socially accepted in some circles. Hard drugs are more "underground."
Now I am not for censoring pornography or banning strip clubs. I do have to repeat again that my experiences at strip clubs made prostitution seem like the next logical step. Paying money to enter a club. Paying money for a lap dance. Giving a bigger tip and being allowed to touch more and kiss/get kissed. Eventually getting sexual acts at strip clubs (though not intercourse.)
as an aside I will mention this,as a shy male-being approached in a strip club was a role reversal that I greatly enjoyed. I will speak more about my experiences in this environment if you feel it benefits the discussion.